Sunday 13 January 2013

Scrappy v HoH

I hate submission!  Sometimes.

Saturday is normally housework day for me.  It's a rule.  All housework is to be completed on Saturday.  Don't get me wrong.  This doesn't at all mean my husband doesn't help and join me in housework activities because he does.  In fact, that's one of the areas in which he he is very good.  It just means that nothing is left and is a way to ensure that it is completed every week.

I am a terrible obsessive compulsive and have to have everything neat and tidy, in it's place and above all - CLEAN.  Yep, I'm a clean freak.  If I'm not happy with the state of the house I become over anxious, and that leads to other problems.  All of this is another reason it's a rule.  It helps reduce any anxiety on my part and keep me in my happy place.

Now I've cleared that up, back to the story.  My husband was out having left me to sleep in so when I got up I sent him a text to check in.  Let him know where I was at and telling him I would do housework.

There was no reply to my text so I carried on my merry way.  By the way - have you ever noticed that during the throws of cleaning the house becomes even messier! Vacuum cleaner and parts strewn everywhere, various cleaning products strewn around, furniture moved around so that you can get behind/underneath etc?

I was busy working away and suddenly anxiety started to set in.  Why? About what? I really don't know.  I started obsessing about EVERYTHING.  I think it was a combination of hormones, not enough sleep (cough) and plain old OCD.  I was just feeling generally anxious.

Cue husband 

A text arrives telling me plans we had for that night could not now go ahead and that he wasn't concerned about the housework because he had other plans for us and to get myself organised so that I would be ready when he arrived home.

WTF!  You tell me this now? When I'm in the middle of this mess!

I spiralled.  A combination of frustration at our plans for that evening not coming to fruition and anxiety at the change in direction - Argh

Cue this guy


Yep, my old friend Scrappy.  In a panic, I looked around at my (in my mind at the time) dishevelled home and became even more anxious.  However, I dropped what I was doing and headed for the shower instead so that I would be ready when hubby arrived back home.

As I showered my mind went places that I'm now ashamed to admit to.  I started thinking such thoughts as

Sc*** you

Why should you call all the shots

What about what I want

Why do I have to be at your beck and call constantly

I don't want to obey

This sucks

Obviously, I was feeling anything but submissive.  As I said, I'm ashamed of these thoughts now.  I was feeling ... well ... scrappy.  The OCD also took a greater hold and I started to obsess even more about silly little things.

My husband arrived home and it was abundantly clear that I was frazzled so he sat me down to talk.  I told him I was frustrated and anxious that he had changed plans on me and generally started ranting about all the things I thought needed doing.  As well as the housework the lawn needs mowing, the windows need cleaning, the cats need a bath ... not sure about that one but that's about how ridiculous my rambling was.  I told him he didn't understand how I get anxious and to not let me know plans early enough, or to change them without much notice just did me in.  Then I confessed that I also felt unsubmissive (that was already pretty clear!).  I didn't want to submit.  I felt that I was at his beck and call constantly.   All those thoughts that had been going through my head.

He listened, talked calmly to me and asked a lot of questions to try and get to the bottom of what was really going on.  At one point I threw my hands up and said "oh, you're never going to understand!"at which point he quietly, but very firmly told me to knock that talk off.

Eventually I calmed and apologised and told  him I knew my anxiety was silly, but it was real to me and that this submission business is hard.  There are times I just want to buck it, thumb my nose at him and perhaps need to be able to vent a little too.

My rant over it was his turn to talk.  He apologied that our plans for the evening had been changed and said he was disappointed too.  He told me he did know that I get anxious about things I feel need attention and always endeavours to take that into account when making any plans.  He then went on to tell me he appreciated my efforts to submit and was proud of me and that he would modify things in future so that I would have more advanced warning of his plans, or change of plans.  Finally, he thanked me for letting him know how I felt.

Do you want to know what he did next?





Spank me?






Nope





He mowed the lawn.  Yes, that's right.  He mowed the lawn instead of continuing with his original (changed) intention.



Why don't I go and mow the lawn while you continue 

With those words I felt the stress literally leave my body like a balloon deflating.  I hadn't finished by the time he had finished the lawn and still had some residual anxiety, but I was a lot happier.

Could I have done with a stress relief spanking?  Well, maybe, but my clever husband knew mowing the lawn would be far more effective Lol.

My husband never ceases to amaze me.  His ability to read me, know what I need, talk, listen, encourage me in my efforts and apologise (even if I don't believe it is necessary).

I feel so blessed and am so proud of the way in which he has embraced his role within our dynamic.





38 comments:

  1. Very good story, Roz, I enjoyed reading that. Yes, men can sometimes be very reasonable!

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    1. HI Malcolm, Welcome, and thank you for commenting.

      I was amazed at how my husband handled the situation. He was so great listening to me and hearing me and just knew exactly what to do to get me back on track. More effective than any spanking LoL

      Hugs
      Roz

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  2. Oh Roz! That's awesome! He really knows you well!

    As I was reading this I couldn't help but think how tightly wound all if us "submissive" women around here seem to be. Lol! I can hear myself saying or thinking those exact things. So glad you didn't get spanked for it! Thanks for sharing!

    Hugs

    P

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    1. Hi P, Oh he does know me so well and seems to know exactly what I need. Sometimes it scares me LoL

      I guess we all have our moments huh ... but our HoH's are right there to bring us back.

      Hugs
      Roz

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  3. Hey Scrappy, calm down over there! *wink, *wink~ Hugs to you. I am glad it all turned out well! Keep Calm and Carry On (as they say). Yay Rick:)

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    1. Hi SNP, LoL, Scrappy was very quickly put outside to play, and remains there thankfully.

      Rick was so wonderful. He listened and let me vent talked gently but firmly to me and brought me right back down to earth. Never ceases to amaze me how he just knows how to 'handle' me :)

      Hugs
      Roz

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  4. "Could I have done with a stress relief spanking? Well, maybe, but my clever husband knew mowing the lawn would be far more effective Lol." That line cracked me up -- do you think the next time you disobey you could tell him that what you really need is for him to mow the lawn? ;)

    I can understand how you got anxious. I find it's harder to submit when plans change. So, if you hadn't already started cleaning and he'd told you plans were changing, maybe it would have gone over more easily. Anyway, he handled that beautifully, so sweet of him to really think about what you needed and then give it to you.

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    1. Hi Riley, LOL ... I wish! He saw your comment and laughed saying he would cotton on to that pretty quickly ... not a good idea!

      He was so great. I am always amazed at how he always now how to 'handle' me and bring me back down to earth.

      Hugs
      Roz

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  5. Ohhhhhhhhhhh, new look! Very calming..It is like I am in a bubble bath reading..ahhh.

    So Rick took a gamble and it paid off! Or maybe it wasn't a gamble because he could have come back and spanked you if you still weren't in the right spot when he was done. No matter it worked, and through communication hopefully you won't have the same trigger again.

    Wow...Thank you for sharing your thoughts in the shower. I can see how that knowledge for others will be helpful. Knowing that all is not lost for the day if they have those thoughts too.

    Love
    Willie

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    1. Hi Willie, Glad you like the new look, I got bored with the other one.

      I have found a Scooby pic (complete with Scrappy which isn't easy) , but it's 'busy' (if you know what I mean) and the colours drown out some of the words in the links etc. I'm sure I could use it and play around with it to get it right, but it will be time consuming.

      I guess you're right, he could still have spanked me. I was still kinda anxious at the end of it, but in a much better place. He's been wonderful since with giving more advanced notice of his plans and checking in to see where I am at.

      I'm certainly not proud of having those thoughts, and a lot of it was lies being fed to me by Scrappy .. I mean, my hormones. I guess we all have our moments where it's just plain hard and we loose our submissive selves.

      Hugs
      Roz

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  6. Gotta love Scrappy even if it is not the most submissive mindset. Glad it all worked out in the end.

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    1. Hi Zoe, Scrappy's not so much fun when he gets you into trouble LoL. I use him because that's one of the nick names my husband has for me. Can you tell how feisty I can be sometimes? LoL

      It did work out in the end. Rick knew exactly what to do to calm me down and get me back on track. I'm always amazed how he does that!

      Hugs
      Roz

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  7. I love this post! I think Rick handled this so well - truly listening with empathy and doing his part to make the situation better.

    It's funny with ttwd - I have found that through showing Will my respect for him in this way, my voice is heard much more. He always heard me, but now he listens. Does that make any sense?

    PS - I so get the OCD and anxiety thing. Cleaning is also an area for me when the OCD takes over. If you ever want to chat about this, feel free to message me!

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    1. Hi Elisa, Rick was just amazing and managed to calm me down and bring me back down to earth.

      I know exactly what you mean. We communicate and hear each other so much better now days. Also, we may have talked previously and promised to make changes as a result of that conversation, but now we make a real effort to affect that change. For example, Rick has been great since this at giving me more notice of his plans and checking in to see where I am at.

      Thank you, the next time OCD threatens to take over, I might just take you up on that!

      Hugs
      Roz

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  8. Tipping my hat to you, Rick - a very wise and empathetic HoH. Well done.
    hugs
    lillie

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    1. Hi Lillie, Oh he was just awesome and knew exactly what to do to bring me back down to earth. How do they do that? I don't really care, I'm just glad that they do :) Not one of my proudest moments :(

      Big thank you from Rick :)

      Hugs
      Roz

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  9. Hey Roz - Really can't offer much since I'm allergic to housework - yup, that's my story and I'm stickin' to it. ;)

    Rick did so well in listening to you and your concerns. You two are doing well - keep up the good work!

    BTW - love the new look!

    Blessings,
    Cat

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    1. Hi Cat, thank you! I think we are slowly but surely getting there.

      He really was amazing. He listened, talked quietly buy firmly and brought me back down to earth. He has amazed me even more by taking on board what I said and has been giving me more notice of his plans since and checking in with me where I am at.

      I got bored with the old look. I also found a Scooby pic I would love to use instead, but it's going to take some fiddling. Thank you so much for your help with the other blogger issue the other day too.

      Hugs
      Roz

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  10. Like the new look. What a great gesture from your guy. What a sweetie.

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    1. HI Sunny, Thank you! I was a little tired of the other look.

      Rick just knew exactly what to do. It was so thoughtful and sweet and made me really feel as though my feelings matter to him. It always amazes me how he knows just how to 'handle' me :)

      Hugs
      Roz

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  11. I don't think Scrappy did too bad this time, a bit overwrought but better with communicating the feelings and not so much on acting them out. And Rick did a bangup job of listening ant giving you just what you needed. Win-win!
    (((hugs)))

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    1. Hi June, Thank you for this because I hadn't really considered how my reactions to these situations and triggers have changed for the better. I was able to sit down and talk to him and remain respectful (I hope! ... well, I'm sure I would have known otherwise!) rather than act out on those feelings. I guess thats some progress on my part?

      Rick was so wonderful. He knew exactly what I needed to bring me back down to earth ... and no June, that wasn't a spanking:) *wink*

      Hugs
      Roz

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    2. LOL - don'tcha hate it when that happens? Just kidding, I do like the gg's but the ones that are for stress relief and such, while perhaps needed, still make me kind of sad that they were....I'm a weirdo :-P

      I need others to show me how I have improved sometimes, too...okay most of the time.....okay, okay, ALL the time. I am hard on myself, seems like perhaps you are too ;-)

      (((hugs)))

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    3. Hi June, I understand what you mean about feeling a bit sad that a spanking was needed. You know ... we do actually play here, there is some spanko in us so I guess you could say maybe I do get some gg's :)

      Others pointing out to us how we've grown is one of the great things of this community isn't it?

      Hugs
      Roz

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  12. I think we all get those feelings once in a while where we really hate submission and fight it, its only human afterall...and its so great when our hubby's can read what we need so well....way to go Rick for mowing the lawn...does he wanna come do ours??
    (Yes I know the time im posting this, Im off to bed right now) hehehe
    Hugs kiwi xx

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    1. Hi Kiwi ... speaking of lapses in submission ... I saw the time this came through LoL

      It is great when our hubby's read us so well and give us what we need. He was so great, he listened and heard me and was very reassuring and made me really feel that my feelings matter to him. I was still a little anxious afterwards, but in a much better place.

      Hugs
      Roz

      PS I'll send him over with the mower :)

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    2. Hi Roz, umm yeah I completely missed bed time. Ive not confessed yet, though its in my book. Last night he chased me up becuase I hadnt rung him at 10.30 in bed...it was 10.45 - just about to ring him, but he beat me to it, wanting to know what i was doing and why i wasnt in bed ringing him. Gotta love it :)

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    3. Oh dear Kiwi, I hope you don't end up in too much hot water. So hard getting back into work mode and more reasonable sleeping hours after the holiday's isn't it - argh!

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  13. Hey Roz...you always write about Scrappy over the same days when I get really feisty. This weekend my hubby's word for me was "obstreperous."

    I'm thinking you are ahead of me in time right...so maybe you could email a warning that trouble is ahead. :)

    Men who mow lawns instead of spanking are the best!!!!

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    1. Hi Susie, That's funny. Ok, you're on, I am ahead of you so I'll try and warn you. "Obstreperous", I like that! ... I hope you didn't get yourself into too much hot water!

      I couldn't agree more with your last sentence! Have you shown this to MM? LoL

      Hugs
      Roz

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  14. That's great Roz, the way he handled things I mean. These men of ours really are pretty awesome, aren't they? *happy sigh*

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    1. Hi Grace, He was awesome. Knew exactly what to do to calm me down which thankfully didn't include a spanking. How do they do that, what's their secret? Who cares, wonderful isn't it? LoL

      Me ... not so awesome .. wasn't my proudest moment :(

      Hugs
      Roz

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  15. Great post Roz! I love your thinking while in the shower! I get the same way!
    Scrappy is a perfect little guy for how you feel.. I love it. I have yet to name my inner snarky self.

    I'm glad you talked, and posted how this went down. It's good to see how real it is... you have these thoughts, wrestled with them, told him AND he didn't spank... You are not wrong for feeling those things, and you told him.
    It worked out well and shows how well communication can work.

    Now if you could please bottle some of your control in opening up to him and send it to me... I just know if "H" would have sat me down to talk I would have clammed up, or worse and I don't think "H" would be out mowing the lawn... LOL

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    1. Hi Emi, Thank you. Rick actually came up with Scrappy because whenever someone upsets me or I feel 'wronged' I come out all "let me at em" Lol. Not the best reaction to have, and that is slowly changing.

      I think the reason he didn't spank was because I did manage to calmly talk to him instead of 'acting' on my feelings and tried to remain respectful. There were a few little moments in there though, so I think I was lucky. I don't know how I managed to do that. I only hope I can continue doing the same thing!

      Hugs
      Roz

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  16. Hi Roz,
    I am new to your blog. Great post!

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    1. Hi Blue Bird, Welcome! Thank you for reading and commenting. Thanks also for the compliment :)

      I have seen you around in blogland and some of your wonderful comments and have been meaning to visit you. There are so many people I haven't yet visited and want to!

      I will pop over and say Hi :)

      Hugs
      Roz

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  17. Love the way he handled it.

    Do like the new look, great.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

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    1. Hi Ronnie, I was so amazed at the way he handled this. He knew just what to do to bring me back down to earth. Never ceases to amaze me how well he reads me.

      Thanks Ronnie, I got a little tired of the old look and wanted something new :)

      Hugs
      Roz

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