Tuesday, 30 April 2013

Getting to know The Boss

This meme has been floating around blogland and I've enjoyed reading this so thought I'd join in.
  1. He's sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen? Haven, Homeland, The Walking Dead, The Following or any manner of documentaries.  Definitely NOT reality television.  He also loves reruns of old classics, especially the old British comedies - Are You Being Served, Blackadder, Open All Hours, Dad's Army etc.  We have a new channel starting soon dedicated to old shows.  Lord help me!
  2. You're out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad? Mayonnaise
  3. The most striking thing about his physical appearance? His beautiful brown eyes - aah
  4. You go out to eat and have a drink; what does he order? Wine or coruba and coke
  5. Where did he go to high school? Boys catholic school 
  6. What size shoe does he wear? 9, 10
  7. If he was to collect anything what would it be? Anything to do with Bruce Springsteen - books, Cd's, DVDs etc.  Telescopes
  8. What is is favourite type of sandwich? Toasted BLT, peanut butter, raspberry jam
  9. What would he eat every day if he could?  Boysenberry ice cream, shortbread
  10. What is his favourite cereal?  He prefers toast, usually with peanut butter for breakfast but favourite cereal is Hubbard's berry berry nice (a Kiwi made muesli chock full with berries)
  11. What would he never wear? Dress shorts, short sleeve dress shirts
  12. What is his favourite sports team? Crusaders rugby team
  13. Who did he vote for? That's a secret
  14. Who is is best friend? A friend from college (high school)
  15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn't do? Negative self talk, asking if he is sure when he makes a decision 
  16. What is his heritage? New Zealander
  17. You bake him a cake for his birthday; what kind? Baking is not my forte but it would be either banana, carrot, lemon or ginger.  The man likes cake!
  18. Did he play sports in high school? Yes - rugby (of course!) and cricket
  19. What could he spend hours doing? Watching the night sky through his telescope.  He is mad on astronomy and very knowledgeable on the subject
  20. What is one unique talent he has? He has an incredible wealth of general knowledge and can tell you dates, names, places, celebrity dates of birth/death etc. He has a particularly strong  knowledge of American History and can name all of the Presidents in order plus the term of the presidency.  I don't need to use Wikipedia, I consult my very own Rickipedia!  Trust me, you don't want to be on an opposing quiz team!

Friday, 26 April 2013

A Question of Tolerance - Comparison Post

I was both thrilled and honoured to be asked by Ami to write a post on the subject of spanking and tolerance levels.  Recognising the fact that this is something that varies depending on where you are in your ttwd dynamic and how long you have been in a ttwd dynamic, we thought it would be interesting to get different perspectives from someone relatively new to ttwd and someone a little more experienced.

So.  Ami has written a post from her perspective as someone 5 months into ttwd, click here to read her post and I will attempt to bore regale you with my perspective from my 18 months of experience.

A while ago I wrote this post on how our tolerance level can change from spanking to spanking and attempting to figure out why that is.  I received a lot of great comments to this post and realised that there are many factors that can influence this, which I will discuss further on in this post.

Before we introduced Dd into our relationship we indulged in both play and erotic spanking (and still do).  Now,  you may think these are the same thing but I separate them quite deliberately.

I will spare you the juicy details but basically, while both are sexually orientated erotic spankings are lighter, both in intensity and in our interaction with each other. They are designed for pleasure and is basically us having fun.

Play spankings however are much more serious.  In this scenario we enter Dom/sub mode.  Rick is extremely dominant and I am submissive to him.  He will issue instructions for example and I follow them without question.  The spankings are much more intense and yes, in this mode he does enjoy inflicting a certain amount of pain.  That is not as bad as it sounds and it must be remembered that this is all entirely consensual.  Both of these kinds of spanking have their place for us.

One thing I find interesting is that I would say in general I have a fairly high tolerance to the pain of a spanking.  However, since incorporating Dd I am convinced this has actually diminished to a degree.

In my head I separate play and erotic spankings from what I call "Dd spankings". Dd spankings can be punishment, correction or role affirmation.  Regardless of the type of spanking they all have a message and feeling/emotion behind them.  When you add this element tolerance becomes a lot more than just the pain.  Suddenly the element of 'emotional tolerance' is added.

With the play and erotic spankings of course, there is no emotion behind them apart from the level of intimacy they create. I have found that since starting Dd I see every spanking (be it play, erotic or a 'Dd' spanking) as having a message behind it.  I guess that is true to some degree.  They are all, at the very least, a show of dominance and submission and are also an expression of the roles we have chosen in our relationship.

What this means however, is that my tolerance to ALL spankings has diminished to a degree as I tend to attach a level of emotional significance to any spanking. Having said that however, I definitely have a higher tolerance when it goes to erotic/play spankings than Dd spankings.

The other thing I find interesting is that quite often a Dd spanking will be lighter than a play spanking.  Don't get me wrong.  That in no way means it isn't hard and sometimes difficult to take because it certainly is.

When it comes to Dd spanking, Rick takes no enjoyment in spanking me or causing me pain and it is not sexually charged.  His aim (pun intended) is to reinforce our roles and get his message across.  It is not to cause me pain.  Hence, the spanking is often lighter than in would be in play.

I say often because of course that depends on the reason for the spanking.  How serious the issue leading to the spanking is and his feelings about it.  I have certainly endured some pretty serious spankings!  We often hear about the moment our HoH finally 'gets it' and delivers a spanking we don't want and the shock of that happening.  I think this post describes the moment this happened for us.

Now that I have told you a little about us, our dynamic and a little about how I personally react to spanking, I will move on to some more general topics.

Pain Tolerance

Most of us would equate tolerance with tears and they are certainly an indicator of our tolerance.  I'm not sure however, that lack of tears means we haven't reached our tolerance.

I rarely cry during spankings and Rick's lectures don't always make me cry. However, this doesn't mean I haven't reached the limit of my endurance or that they don't 'work'.  Quite often it takes me a while to process a spanking.  I am usually quiet and reflective for some time afterwards and feeling incredibly vulnerable and submissive ... squiffy if you will.  I want to just curl up in his loving arms.  Quite often tears may fall some hours later while cuddling into Rick as I reflect on the spanking and the reasons for it. 

There are many things that can affect our ability to tolerate the physical pain of a spanking.  These include our emotional and physical state at the time as well as hormones for example.  Then of course, there are the more obvious factors such as implement choice and intensity.  

I will discuss some of the more common factors below and how they affect me.


Of course, the intensity is a huge factor in our tolerance to the spanking.  This is something that has changed a great deal over time for us.  I remember my first spanking since incorporating Dd.  It was a punishment spanking since at that time we hadn't yet included role affirmation spankings.  There were a lot of emotions surrounding it and the issue itself was quite serious.  We we also both highly nervous but I was so impressed (in hindsight LoL) with the confidence that Rick showed and his determination to follow through.

There is no real comparison between that spanking and what I would receive now.  Rick has certainly upped the ante slowly over time.

I think intensity is one of those things you can get used to and (I hate to say it) there is a need to slowly increase the intensity of spankings over time in order to keep them effective.  I believe it is possible to become 'conditioned' to spanking.  If it is too predictable, you are able to focus on getting through it and not letting the spanking do its job.  It becomes more something to just get through.

As the HoH becomes more comfortable and confident in his role and understands that he is not harming his wife the intensity naturally increases.  Also, and perhaps most importantly, as he develops trust that this is really want his wife wants and that she is fully on board with this lifestyle.  Even when the wife has brought Dd to him, he still needs to trust that it is what she really wants.

Rick will usually deliver a flurry of swats, then take a break while he lectures and asks questions followed by another flurry of swats.  The breaks allow me to catch my breath and recover somewhat before the next flurry and that makes a huge difference to how well I tolerate the pain of the spanking.


The position also makes a difference.  Our spankings are usually OTK, OTB or leaning into the back of the couch.  I like OTK because of the intimacy and closeness it provides.  However, I  find it the easiest.  Perhaps, because it doesn't allow as much swing and intensity.  Shush, don't tell Rick I said that!

The most difficult for me is on my hands and knees with my butt in the air.  I think the reason for this is a combination of the skin being more taut and the ability for Rick to spank with greater intensity in this position.


This is perhaps the most interesting factor.  I have found that I can become used to some degree to an implement.  However as I said in my earlier post, there are times that I can surprise both of us by not handling a particular implement as well as I usually do.

Over time I have also found that continued use of one implement during a spanking can lead to ineffectiveness of the implement.  My bottom numbs to it. To combat this problem Rick now uses various implements during a spanking.

Leather paddle

When we first started using the leather paddle it was very effective.  However, it is now the implement that I can become numb to.  Now days when the paddle is used it takes more intensity in order to be effective.  It is also far less common now for Rick to only use the paddle, although it does feature in most spankings.

Having said that, interestingly enough this was also the implement Rick was using when I wrote my earlier post.  I guess it goes to show that sometimes our reactions and tolerance can surprise us.


This really depends on the intensity.  Sometimes it doesn't have much of an impact yet others, it feels like a wooden paddle!  I do find the hand is more effective when used before another implement. When it comes to the hand I think the position makes a huge difference as well.  For example, I find it difficult if I'm on my hands and knees.

Wooden Spoon

I have a love/hate relationship with the spoon.  There's just something about it, I find it erotic depending on how it is used.  However, it doesn't take much intensity before I start to struggle with it.  It is rather thick and almost like a wooden paddle and can pack a mighty punch.  It has also been known to leave bruises.


Now this always strikes fear in me.  It has a psychological affect on me, I think because of the connotations attached to it.  Again, it can be quite erotic and intimate when used lightly.  However, I find it hard to take with not a great deal of intensity.


My most dreaded implement.  I find this extremely difficult with little intensity.

Emotional Tolerance

Emotions and hormones play a big part in our ability to handle a spanking. As we know there can be many emotions surrounding a spanking.  Many TiH's say that it isn't the pain of the spanking itself that pushes them to their limit, it is the emotions behind it and the same is true of me.

As well as the pain of the spanking and ability to tolerate pain, there is also the wealth of emotion behind it and this emotion can overwhelm and we can be pushed to our emotional limits.

Rick has well mastered the art of discussion and lecturing prior, during and sometimes after a spanking.  With discipline/punishment this forces me to acknowledge and think about my actions and why they were not appropriate/acceptable.  This creates feelings of remorse and disappointment in myself hearing the disappointment in his voice and realising how my actions have affected him.

If anything is going to bring me to tears, it is quite often his words.  However, the best thing about these spankings is that they provide a clean slate and allow me at the end of it to let go of those negative emotions and instead be enveloped in his love and care.

When it comes to role affirmation, the lectures are about where we are at and where Rick would like us to be.  He also reaffirms his love for me and tells me things I have done/am doing that he is proud of as well as areas he would like me to work on.  This is a very intimate and loving discussion that creates a lot of emotion in me also.


In our experience we have discovered the importance of changing things up when it comes to spanking.  If it becomes too predictable it becomes far less effective.  For me it can become something else on the 'to do' list and something I just want to get through and get over with.

For this reason we have found variety to be important.  Rick is very good at making every spanking different, even if the changes are subtle.  This means I am unable to predict the course of events and that leaves me feeling vulnerable and him in control of the situation.

As an example, once Rick has decided a spanking is over he always used to put the implement(s) away while leaving me in position, a sort of version of time out to allow me to calm and process before cuddling me and reassuring me of his love for me.  Usually during this time he also conducts what I would call a wrap up lecture.

Putting the implements away was a clear signal to me that the spanking was over and I also knew that I would be left in position for a period of time.  Now, he usually still leaves me in position while continuing to lecture, but he doesn't always put the implements away. This leaves me very vulnerable and also unsure as to whether the spanking has ended.

Thank you so much Ami for inviting me to write this post.  Writing this has been a great exercise for me and has given me a chance to reflect on how we do things and to understand my own reactions a little better.

Disclaimer:  I hope I haven't frightened anyone by my comments in relation to intensity and the need to increase this over time.  This is written entirely from my perspective and the situation differs for each couple.  How we react to, and our tolerance to spanking also differs from person to person.   Each couple finds what works for them and some may well find there is no need for this.  I would also like to point that this is something that occurs slowly over time and as each of us become more and more comfortable and confident in their role.

Wednesday, 24 April 2013

Our Anzacs

Hi everyone, Rick here, greetings to you all.

Today, April 25, is Anzac Day in New Zealand and Australia and it is a public holiday in both countries. It is a day of remembrance that commemorates all Australian's and New Zealander's who served and gave their lives in all wars, conflicts and peace keeping operations as well as the contribution and suffering of all those who have served. I suppose it is comparable to Veterans Day in the US and Remembrance Day in Canada and the UK.

I would like to give a little background to the day and its signifigance to New Zealanders and Australians.

ANZAC stands for the Australian and New Zealand Army Corps whose soldiers were collectively known as Anzacs.  Anzac Day originated to honour the Anzacs who fought at Gallipoli in the Ottoman Empire during World War 1.

In 1915 the Anzacs were part of an allied expedition that set out to capture the Gallipoli Penisula in accordance with a plan by Winston Churchill to open the way to the Black Sea for the allied navies.  The objective was to capture Constantinople (now Istanbul), the capital of the Ottoman Empire (now Turkey) - who were supporting Germany.

The Anzacs encountered fierce resistance from the Ottoman Army and the campaign lasted 8 months. At the end of 1915 the allied forces were evacuated after both sides had suffered heavy casualties and hardships.  Casualties included 8,709 from Australia and and 2,721 from New Zealand.  The landing at Gallipoli had a profound affect on Australians and New Zealanders and April 25 became a day on which they remembered the sacrifice of those who died. The day was officially named Anzac Day in 1916.

In Turkey, the name Anzac Cove commemorates the place where the Anzacs landed and was officially recognised by the Turkish Government on Anzac Day 1985. Commemorations are held there every year.

With the advent of the second world war Anzac Day became a day on which to commemorate the lives of Australians and New Zealanders who lost their lives in that war also.  Today, we commemorate all those who gave their lives and all those who served in all military operations in which Australia and New Zealand have been involved in since.

In both countries dawn services are held on Anzac Day with symbolic links to the dawn landing at Gallipoli.

Today, Roz and I are thankful for those who have served and those who continue to serve in our military forces so that we may be safe and protected.

Today, we remember those who gave their lives in service.

Lest we forget

Monday, 22 April 2013

Butts On My Mind

I have a couple of serious posts rattling around in my head and I'm waiting for them to find their way out of my head and through my keyboard onto the computer screen.

In the meantime; as we all know, domestic discipline and ttwd isn't always serious.  There is also a fun side to ttwd and I enjoy this side.  The teasing, banter and innuendo.  We had one of those moments today that I thought I would share.

Have you started 'noticing' bottoms more since starting ttwd?  I know I have. Funnily enough, I now notice guys biceps and the size of their hands more too.  Go figure?

Well, this was obviously on my mind today.  (The next part to this story isn't really very nice.  I'll be honest and hope you don't think any less of me/us).

Rick and I were having a conversation outside this afternoon when we noticed a woman come out of a building and walk to a nearby parked car.  Lets just say, she was very well endowed in the booty department.

We instantly exchanged a 'look' (I know - terrible of us!).

I then commented to Rick something along the lines of how some people 'keep all their weight in their booty' meaning it seems to be the only 'weighty' part of them.  (Again, shocking on my part - I know!)

The rest of the conversation went along the lines of the following:

Well, you've got a really tiny butt.  Nothing to worry about

Yeah I know, there's nothing of it - it's what's out front of it I'm worried about!

You're NOT going to start with the weight thing again are you?

Sheepish smile and I went on the explain what I didn't like about my butt

What - you want butt implants?

Thinking about it for like two seconds ... hmm ... could be handy

YES - how about steel ones!

Earlier on in the day I had commented to Rick that I like how he goes to sleep at night with one hand on my bottom.  He replied that it just feels so comfortable and right.  BTW, is it just me or is this a common tend among HoH's?

Yep, must have been on my mind today!

Sunday, 14 April 2013

Who is in Control

I've been feeling a little out of sorts so far as submission goes lately.  Nothing major but I feel like lately I have been trying to wrestle back some control.

Last week I was busy.  I had things I needed to do, things I needed to buy, bills to pay etc.  All of these things require permission.  However last week, instead of asking permission and discussing things with him I 'told' him.  I guess it's all in the choice of words we use but yep, I told him.  I knew what needed to be done and just set out to do it.  Almost despite him.

On Friday we went out to make a purchase we needed to make. I was endeavouring to discuss the inns and outs of this purchase and ask for his views but he was otherwise distracted and not really paying attention.  At one point I told him to focus - oops!  It was said in a light hearted manner.

I didn't like what I was doing and was also worried that it might escalate further.

Saturday night we were relaxing together in the living room.  I was in my customary position on the floor in front of him.

I love you Daddy

I love you too baby girl

I just don't feel I've been that good lately.  I feel as though I've been trying to control things in small ways  

I then mentioned some of ways in which I thought I had been trying to take control.

Well, there hasn't been anything I've been worried about.  I assure you, if I really perceived that you were really taking control I would act

I guess that's the key isn't it.  It's so easy for me to have my idea of how you may perceive things, and how I think you should act, but I guess it's what YOU think and feel that's important.  Whether YOU think there is a problem  

Believe me.  I would let you know and there's nothing that's concerned me lately

I'm glad you're happy Daddy.  I do feel as though I have taken control though, in small ways and am worried that it may escalate from there.  


Wh .. what?

Strip.  Right now  I quickly did as I was told.


I knelt in front of him facing him.

I am in control

Yes Daddy

I love you baby girl and your submission.  You are mine.  I am your Daddy and I take care of you, help you, protect you and punish you when necessary

Yes Daddy  These seemed the only words required at this point.

I love that you submit to me.  I know it takes great strength to do so and I just can't believe the gift you have given me.  You honour me  

Sometimes it feels like I am a burden though

Never.  It's what I want to do, and it's an honour

There was more to the conversation and throughout Rick was very gentle and softly spoken yet firm.  He never stopped eye contact and running his fingers through my hair.  He kept reassuring me of his love for me.

After a while it was over his lap where I received a solid hand spanking.  The smacks started off on the light side and got progressively harder.  He then told me to fetch the wooden spoon and once again put me over his lap.  I swear, I think he must have covered every inch of both cheeks with that thing!  At one point he shifted my position slightly.  I think maybe to give him a better target LoL.

Once finished with the spoon he lifted my legs and I thought he was going to pull me onto his lap.  Instead, he swung me around so that I was kneeling into the cushion of the couch.  Then came the familiar and dreaded sound of the belt buckle.  It is true that an implement can either be liked or loathed depending upon how it is used.  Well, it started off as a nice 'tingle' then rapidly got to the point that I wanted it to stop.  We sat cuddling on the floor together afterwards talking for a while.


  1. I am not in control.  
  2. I need to trust that he has me, has us and that he will take whatever action (if any) HE deems necessary.  
  3. I need to stop second guessing.  Having my own ideas of what he should be thinking/feeling and how he should react.

Thursday, 11 April 2013

I'll Play - 3 Word Meme

I'v seen this on a lot of blogs and thought I should try it.  Here goes nothing!
  1. Where is your cell phone?  Next to me
  2. Boyfriend/Girlfriend? My guy Rick
  3. Hair?  Past shoulder length
  4. Your Mother?  Frustrating but sweet
  5. Your Father?  There for me
  6. Your Favourite Items?  Cell phone, computer
  7. Your Dream Last Night?  I can't remember
  8. Your Favourite Drink?  Tea, Vodka/Lemonade
  9. Your Dream Guy/Girl?  I have him
  10. The Room You Are In?  The computer room
  11. Your Fear?  Loosing loved ones
  12. What Do You Want To Be In Ten Years?  Happy, healthy, loved
  13. Who Did You Hang Out With Last Night?  Just my cats
  14. What Are You Not?  Good with crafts
  15. Are You In Love?  Truly, madly, deeply
  16. One Of Your Wish List Items?  Lots of travel
  17. What Time Is It?  Four past ten
  18. The Last Thing You Did?  Organise some washing
  19. What Are You Wearing?  Track pants, top
  20. Your Favourite Book?  Can't pick one
  21. The Last Thing You Ate?  Mini easter egg
  22. Your Life?  I am blessed
  23. Your Mood?  Chilled and happy
  24. Your Friends?  Are a blessing
  25. What Are You Thinking About Right Now?  These questions silly!
  26. Your Car?  Old but reliable
  27. What Are You Doing At The Moment? Answering this question
  28. Your Summer?  'Dates' with Rick  
  29. What Is On Your TV Screen?  20/20 is on
  30. When Is The Last Time You Laughed?  Earlier this evening
  31. Last Time You Cried?  Few tears yesterday
  32. School?  Didn't like it