Who is in Control

I've been feeling a little out of sorts so far as submission goes lately.  Nothing major but I feel like lately I have been trying to wrestle back some control.

Last week I was busy.  I had things I needed to do, things I needed to buy, bills to pay etc.  All of these things require permission.  However last week, instead of asking permission and discussing things with him I 'told' him.  I guess it's all in the choice of words we use but yep, I told him.  I knew what needed to be done and just set out to do it.  Almost despite him.

On Friday we went out to make a purchase we needed to make. I was endeavouring to discuss the inns and outs of this purchase and ask for his views but he was otherwise distracted and not really paying attention.  At one point I told him to focus - oops!  It was said in a light hearted manner.

I didn't like what I was doing and was also worried that it might escalate further.

Saturday night we were relaxing together in the living room.  I was in my customary position on the floor in front of him.

I love you Daddy

I love you too baby girl

I just don't feel I've been that good lately.  I feel as though I've been trying to control things in small ways  

I then mentioned some of ways in which I thought I had been trying to take control.

Well, there hasn't been anything I've been worried about.  I assure you, if I really perceived that you were really taking control I would act

I guess that's the key isn't it.  It's so easy for me to have my idea of how you may perceive things, and how I think you should act, but I guess it's what YOU think and feel that's important.  Whether YOU think there is a problem  

Believe me.  I would let you know and there's nothing that's concerned me lately

I'm glad you're happy Daddy.  I do feel as though I have taken control though, in small ways and am worried that it may escalate from there.  

Strip

Wh .. what?

Strip.  Right now  I quickly did as I was told.

Kneel

I knelt in front of him facing him.

I am in control

Yes Daddy

I love you baby girl and your submission.  You are mine.  I am your Daddy and I take care of you, help you, protect you and punish you when necessary

Yes Daddy  These seemed the only words required at this point.

I love that you submit to me.  I know it takes great strength to do so and I just can't believe the gift you have given me.  You honour me  

Sometimes it feels like I am a burden though

Never.  It's what I want to do, and it's an honour

There was more to the conversation and throughout Rick was very gentle and softly spoken yet firm.  He never stopped eye contact and running his fingers through my hair.  He kept reassuring me of his love for me.

After a while it was over his lap where I received a solid hand spanking.  The smacks started off on the light side and got progressively harder.  He then told me to fetch the wooden spoon and once again put me over his lap.  I swear, I think he must have covered every inch of both cheeks with that thing!  At one point he shifted my position slightly.  I think maybe to give him a better target LoL.

Once finished with the spoon he lifted my legs and I thought he was going to pull me onto his lap.  Instead, he swung me around so that I was kneeling into the cushion of the couch.  Then came the familiar and dreaded sound of the belt buckle.  It is true that an implement can either be liked or loathed depending upon how it is used.  Well, it started off as a nice 'tingle' then rapidly got to the point that I wanted it to stop.  We sat cuddling on the floor together afterwards talking for a while.

Lessons:

1. I am not in control.  
2. I need to trust that he has me, has us and that he will take whatever action (if any) HE deems necessary.  
3. I need to stop second guessing.  Having my own ideas of what he should be thinking/feeling and how he should react.