Thursday 7 March 2013

Questions Anybody? - and an Answer Please


Apparently March is question and answer month in this corner of blogland so if you have any questions for us please either ask them in the comments section or send us an email.  We would love to hear from you.

Questions welcomed from everyone.  You don't have to be a regular reader.

Ask us anything you like (within reason) and we will answer them in a later post. You can either direct your question to Rick, myself or both of us.  I wouldn't ask Scrappy though as the best answer you're probably likely to get is "it's a mystery!".


Email rozinhishands@gmail.com


While we're here, I'm wondering if you can help me with a question of my own.  I feel like this is a daft question and I feel silly asking it, but It's something I have been pondering for a little while.

Why is it when it comes to discipline, I have some expectation that my husband has given it a lot of prior thought and has the consequences and fine detail all planned out in advance?  I expect him to have a plan and to stick with it.

The reality is that yes, he does give it a lot of prior thought and decides on consequences beforehand but just allows the rest of the detail to happen. Sometimes I can see the cogs turn, that he is thinking on his feet (as it were) reacting to my responses and it can throw me.

I don't understand why this is.  It's silly really.  I mean, this is how it should be isn't it?  It's human nature.  We communicate, we react and adjust according to the responses we receive.



27 comments:

  1. I think it is the not knowing what to expect part that throws us. I expect a certain reaction, prepare for it, and He changes things up...not fair!..LOL..
    hugs abby

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    1. Hi Abby,

      I agree, I think that is a big part of it. I think I misinterpret his going with the flow as he isn't in control which then leads to me having a hard time giving up control and becoming vulnerable. However, as Bas points out below, Rick is in control from the start and remains in control. I need to focus on that.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  2. Interesting. You answered your own question( When it comes to discipline, why do I have certain expectations....) when you were 'defending' Rick and why he does and reacts the way he does- Because it is human nature. That is why you have expectations. Contrary to popular belief, expectations are not a bad thing. They can sometimes be a vision of what you desire, and in the future strive to obtain. Unfortunately expections in another are a whole other ball game aren't they?

    Perhaps it comes back to the 'c' word...OH GAHD not THAT c word.!..control...OH that is the 'c' word? You may need to control this situation in whatever way you can.Expecting Rick to have his game on ahead of time and then knowing that he doesn't gives you something else to concentrate on at the time, (thus controling your reactions) instead of what is happening? But then again, as you know..I have NO idea what I am talking about!

    Questions for you two? Rick why can't you have everything planned out ahead of time for Roz? Perhaps give her a powerpoint presentation on what you are going to say?
    love~willie

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    1. Hi Willie,

      Hmm, I've been thinking about this some more and Rick and I of course have talked about it and I wonder if it is about control ... in that, when I see he doesn't have everything planned out I misinterpret this as him not being fully in control. I then have a hard time with giving up control and being vulnerable. However, as Bas has pointed out, he is actually in control from the start and remains so.

      LoL to your question. Rick does have an answer so I will include with the answers to the other questions in a separate post. No powerpoint presentation from Rick though, he doesn't know how to drive powerpoint LoL

      Love ya
      Roz

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  3. Roz, you've probably hit on a very very old difference between men and women.
    As of old Women like to know where the house is, when the food is on the table, where the kids sleep. They want to feel safe by controlling there static direct environment.
    Men, used to have only a basic idea of what they were going to do: I'm gonna hunt a tigress today, so I'll bring a spear and start looking for a tigress. When I meet her, everything I'm gonna do depends on the actions of the tigress.
    Is she going to put up a fight? That's bad, maybe, I will have to retreat. Is she calm, I'm gonna spear her from a distance. Won't she stand still? I'm gonna attack her from up close.

    She is not controlling him. He is changing his actions based on what she does. He remains in charge, unless she does not abide to the rules of the hunt and puts up too big a fight. Then he'll make a run for it.

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    1. Hi Bas,

      Thank you so much for your comment. I love the hunting analogy and you explain the difference between Men and Women so well. You have given me a lot of food for thought as always and it has helped me thinking through my own thoughts and feelings.

      I particularly like your last paragraph. I must remember that Rick actually does have control, and remains in control. I think that may be my problem. When I see him thinking on the spot I think maybe I interpret it as him not being in control.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  4. Ummmm...I have the same problem Roz. I'll just come back and read all the comments.

    Thank you for asking the question!

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    1. Hi Susie,

      Thank you! It is reassuring to know I'm not the only one and there are some great comments here that have helped me and I feel better about it.

      I wonder if it's a combination of giving up control and vulnerability for me.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  5. Hi Roz! I have a question...how did you choose your blog name? I'm always curious because it was such a process for us, I wonder what others go through to find their names.

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    1. Hi Riley,

      Great question, thank you. I will be posting my answers in a separate post shortly.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  6. Hey Roz...Bas gave the best answer I've heard in a long time. You want all the steps outlined whereas Rick is going to react based on your behavior...and yes, that is how it should be. ;)

    Blessings,
    Cat

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    1. Hi Cat,

      I think Bas really has hit on something there. I think maybe if I sense Rick is thinking on the spot, I wonder how much he is in control and then I have a hard time giving up control and being vulnerable.

      I'm not really sure but the comments have helped me in processing this. I agree too, that is how it should be :)

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  7. I loved the answer Bas gave. I truly have nothing to add - I wish I did. As for questions, how are you feeling now? :-) Hugs, Terps

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    1. Hi Terps,

      Thank you. Yes, Bas's comment has given me a lot of food for thought and along with the others, has helped me in trying to sort this out in my head. I am feeling a lot better about it now :)

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  8. I think you might have partly answered your own question. :) I like how you said it, "Sometimes I can see the cogs turn, that he is thinking on his feet (as it were) reacting to my responses". And in all honesty, this might just be the best way to do it. I mean.. honestly, we're women. LOL A lot of men can feel the same any day of the week or month. We, well we change because of hormones, emotions who knows what else. What worked last night for us in bed will not work tonight, and that's the same in other areas of our lives. Some nights you'll cry sooner than others when otk, other nights submission will be so far out the door you'll have to send a search party out to rescue it. I think him reading your cues is actually best. :) Reading you is the best way to try to see what you need in the moment. When submission is harder to find, you'll need more reigning in, but that amount when you're near ready before a punishment already will be too much. That is just my guess anyway. ;) I could be totally off base, and if I am, please forgive me. :)

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    1. Hi Es May,

      Thank you. I know you're right. Reading me in the moment and acting according to my responses/actions really is best and is the best way to for him to give me what I need in the moment.

      It's just that I find it hard sometimes when I see him doing this instead of having it all worked out beforehand. Silly really I know. I think I have a hard time with control and vulnerability as I interpret it as him not fully being in control, which I know is flawed thinking on my part.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  9. I have a question...how did the two of you meet and what really drew you to each other?

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    1. Hi Grace,

      That's a great question, thank you. There's actually a bit of a funny story behind it. I will be putting up my answers in a separate post shortly.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  10. I think that between Bas and Es May you have the best explanations possible! It's so great being able to plumb into this vast pool of knowledge isn't it?!!! LOL!

    Hugs,

    Ami

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    1. Hi Ami,

      There certainly are some wonderful and thoughtful comments here and they have helped. That is the beauty of this community isn't it? Being able to tap into others to help you process your own thoughts/feelings.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  11. What a great set of comments! I love it when the discussion becomes as informative as the post. I hope that they are helpful. Sorry, nothing I can add! Hehe.

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    1. Hi Ana,

      Thank you for dropping by :)

      I'm glad I posted this as the comments have been so great and have given me food for thought. They have certainly helped me get my head around it.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  12. I like the other answers. I have the same question. If you figure it out let me know.

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    1. Hi TL, It's very reassuring to know that other's are thinking and feeling the same way. There are certainly some great replies here that have helped me get my head around it.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  13. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  14. Hey Roz you have some great comments here. Not much to add for your question but I will give you one.
    Is there a rule or request that he has made that gives you an unexpected insight into him and how he thinks or did you discover something that he found important but you never realized until he was in charge and there was a rule?

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    1. Hi Zoe,

      That is a really great and interesting question. I will answer all the questions in a separate post shortly.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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