In my last Q&A post I asked why it is that I expect, when it comes to discipline, that my husband has thought every little detail through beforehand. That he has the whole thing planned out and sticks to it.
The reality of course is that he has a basic plan, but lets the little details 'happen'. He acts according to my responses and reactions. This is a good thing right? So why does it sometimes bother me if I sense he is thinking things through on the spot?
I've had some wonderful responses to this question and I thank those people that commented. You have given me some great food for thought.
Last Saturday we had an example to illustrate my question that I thought I would share.
Rick had told me role affirmation would happen Saturday night. Normally he likes to do role affirmation (or any punishment spanking for that mater) early in the evening so that we can enjoy the rest of the evening together feeling connected. This usually means I sit down to dinner on a rather tender behind LoL.
Last Saturday he changed things around on me from the start. We had been out and therefore decided on takeaways to make things easier. Usually we would go straight home first, do whatever is needed there, RA would occur and then we would head out later on for the takeaways. This time however, he decided on dinner first. He said it made sense since we were already out. I fleetingly thought to myself, does this mean he has either forgotten, or decided against RA?
After dinner we watched a couple of shows we had recorded. I was in my usual spot on the floor between his legs while he played with my hair etc. Once the last show ended I turned around to face him and rested my head on his thigh. We sat there like that for a wee while. Him stroking my hair and just looking at and smiling at each other. Then he started saying things like "you're my girl", "you submit to me". I can't exactly recall what else he said but he finished with "sometimes you need to be reminded" - Uh Oh! Ok, I guess he hasn't forgotten RA then!
He then told me to go to the bedroom and remove everything except my panties. Thank heaven for small mercies, I'm allowed panties this time? - well, briefly at least. As is customary for me, I fussed a little and went in for a cuddle before moving. He responded with "No whining. I told you to do something, now do it".
For some unknown reason I felt the need to check instructions so as I stood up to go I asked him to repeat how he wanted me. "Everything off but panties". I could see the cogs start to turn and as I was halfway to the door he added "and I want you in the kneeling position". Oh, this is new! It was something he hadn't 'planned' on. It only occurred to him to add this element when I asked him to clarify instructions.
When he came into the room the first thing he did was ask me what the whining and fussing had been about. He told me when he gives me an instruction, he expects it to be carried out without protest.
The conversation part of the proceedings started with me still kneeling in front of the bed. He asked three 'simple' (not!) questions.
What do you get out of this dynamic?
What does our relationship get out of this dynamic?
What does Daddy get out of this dynamic?
Wow, talk about having to think on my feet! I can't quite remember what my responses were but I can tell you those aren't easy questions to answer in that position while waiting to be spanked!
Again, this was new and I could tell that he had not planned this ... um ... change in usual procedure.
I still don't fully understand why it throws me when he lets things flow as he sees fit rather than follow a plan. He has definitely found ways to make each role affirmation unpredictable and different. Perhaps it's the added level of vulnerability I feel. I need to know he has plan and everything worked out? I'm still pondering and the feedback I received on my last post has certainly helped.
I guess this is good though. I don't think following a pattern is necessarily a good thing. You can get too used to how things are going to play out, which in turn can allow me to 'steel' myself so that I don't fully soften to him. In addition, I think it provides more scope for us to read each other and act in accordance with each other's reactions. That's gotta be a good thing too.