Switching?

I've managed to make it half way through my first week back at work.  As predicted it was like I had never been away after 5 minutes there.  I was pounced upon as soon as I walked in the door on Monday and there's been no let up since.  No easy wind up for me this time with constant demands and people wanting things like yesterday.

I feel like I already want to crack some heads too!  Yeah, that's it ... I'll get em.  I'll ... Hang on a minute.  Scrappy!  What the heck are you doing here?  I thought I put you outside!  Sorry folks, will you give me a minute and I'll go and put him back outside where he belongs.

Right.  Back again.  I apologise for the rude interruption from my furry friend. I must have accidently let him in.  Oops!  Well, I'm assuming it was me because of course Rick NEVER lets him in.

Anyway, sorry about that.  Now where was I.  Oh that's right - work.

Rick had the opportunity today to hear me engaged in a profession discussion.  He politely stood back, waited for me and pretended not to listen (as one does).

Wow honey.  You sounded so authoritive.  You were in control

Oh really?

Yeah.  It was kind of hot.  Turned me on! grinning like a cheshire cat

NO.  No way! - Wait a minute - hmm could it be?

No. Surely not!

Could it be that switching is in our future?

Hmm.  I kinda like the thought of that!  But I really don't think that is going to happen any time soon.  Besides.  I think we are really much better like this

As a side note, I have been trying to reply to comments on my last two posts and managed to do some then blogger had a fit and just doesn't seem to want to let me do any more.  Argh!  I promise I will get to them as soon as blogger behaves!

Take care everyone :)

All Good Things Must Come To An End

 Did I get your attention?

Yes folks, it's all over.  The holidays I mean - sigh.  It's back to work again tomorrow and after this much time it's going to take some getting used to, but I expect as usual after about 5 minutes there it will feel as though I never left the place.

Sadly for me this means the only time I will really have for blogging and for chatting will be in the evenings, and of course there are other things to fit into that time as well.  I probably won't be able to post here as often (I can hear you sighing with relief LoL).  It also means that I may not get around to visiting everyone and commenting as much as I would like so I apologise in advance and hope you will forgive me.

I have really enjoyed being more active in blogland and interacting more with everyone here during the holidays and I'm sad that I'm not going to be able to spend as much time here.  Such is life I guess.

Rick and I have had a wonderful time over the holidays taking time out together and just enjoying being together.  As I've mentioned before, we have gone on a lot of 'dates' visiting favourite places, cafes, going on walks etc and exploring some new places.  It's been a great time of connection and I am really going to miss our dates.

Between going on our dates etc and spending far too much time in blogland (shush, don't tell Rick!) I have hardly done any of those pesky extra chores I usually do while on holidaay.  For once though, I'm not letting my OCD demons take over and stressing about it.  I figure they will still get done bit by bit.

We took some great photos while out on our dates and I thought I would share some with you.

Very Inspiring Blogger Award - Round 2

Wow!  I am once again honoured and humbled to have been nominated for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award.  This time by our good friends Ward and June.  Thank you so much for the nomination guys :)


The Rules

1. Display the award logo on your blog
2. Link back to the person who nominated you
3. State 7 things about yourself
4. Nominate 15 other bloggers for this award and link to them
5. Notify those other bloggers of the nomination and the award's requirements

7 Things About Me

I thought I would re-publish these from my original post (just in case you missed them :)

1. I am the youngest of 3 siblings - I have 2 elder brothers
2. I have a phobia of bees and wasps having been attacked by a swarm of bees as a child
3. I am a tea addict
4. I was born in the UK and our family emigrated to New Zealand when I was very young (hmm - that may explain the fact above LoL)
5. I am a talker.  When I was young my vocal chords grew too thick and I had to have surgery to thin them as it was affecting my ability to swallow etc. My family keeps telling me it happened due to over use!
6. In college (high school) I had to write a poem as a class assignment and it was one chosen by a major newspaper for publication.
7. I am blessed with a wonderful man in my life who never ceases to amaze me with his love and care of me (but you knew that one already :)

And since this is a fresh nomination here's 7 new things about me

1. I love peanut butter
2. I love watching medical dramas.  I drive Rick insane spouting medical jargon and making diagnoses as a result of the vast medical knowledge I gain from these shows LoL.  
3. I usually can't resist breaking into doing an Irish jig whenever I hear a particular song from The Boss (especially if I have been drinking!).  What's that you say?  What song from The Boss could possibly provoke this reaction?  Check out American Land
4. I wear glasses
5. I can't stand anyone playing with, or touching my toes.  A fact Rick sometimes uses to his advantage - grrr
6. I am a royalist.  I love the British royal family (well, I am British born)
7. I should have been cast in the Lord Of The Rings and Hobbit films as a Hobbit (how on earth did I miss that opportunity given all 6 films were filmed in New Zealand?

Nominations

Again, I am not going to nominate specific bloggers as you are all special and important to me.  Instead, I invite anyone who would like to share some fun facts about themselves in the comments to do so :)

The Saga Of The Overdue Bills

Yesterday I had that feeling of doom.  That awful feeling in the pit of my stomach.   You know the feeling I'm talking about.  The dreaded "I'm in so much trouble" feeling.  Sigh!

Yesterday afternoon I went to visit my parents who had just returned from an overseas trip.  I check the letter box as I left and saw...

This

Yep

Uh-Oh

Car insurance no less!  I was immediately filled with dread.  That meant we were no longer insured until the premium was paid which also left me feeling a little nervous in case anything should happen before the premium was paid.  The next thought was OMG, I'm so going to be in trouble!  You see, it is my responsibility to ensure bills are paid on time.  IT'S A RULE.

This is not like me.  I don't generally let bills fall overdue, although everybody does make mistakes occasionally.  Right?  It has happened occasionally and I have been spanked for it.  We are still on holiday at the moment.  Just.  Sadly, that's about to come to an end :(  I think my brain must have gone on holiday mode and I wasn't paying attention to some important matters ... like ... um ... bills!

I knew I had to tell Rick.  I also knew that I had to text him to let him know when I arrived at my parents.  You may recall from this post that to get to my parents involves travelling a notorious piece of road and he worries about me when I drive it on my own.  If you recall this post, you may also remember what happened the last time I failed to advise my husband that I had returned safe and sound from my parents.

Once I got to my parents I sent him just a quick text to let him know I was there.  A little while later I sent another text checking in and told him about the bill.  I also said that I would check the other bills when I got home.  We sent text messages back and forth every now and then for the rest of the afternoon and he said nothing about the overdue insurance.  I wasn't sure if I was going to be in trouble or not.

When I got home I checked the rest of the bills and guess what I found?

Yep

Another one!

EEK!

Not only that, I also knew there was another bill due that day that had to be paid.  I knew I had to tell him I had found yet another now outstanding bill, and one that was due that day.  Sigh!  My goose was cooked.  I was doomed.  My buns were going to be well toasted.

With great trepidation I sent another text telling him I had found yet another overdue bill and that one also needed to be paid that day.  I was swiftly told I had better pay them which I immediately did.

What was the outcome of all of this?  Ok, what you really want to know is did I get spanked?

He told me he was not at all happy with the second bill, especially on top of the car insurance.  He understood that being on holiday probably put me out of step.  However, that really is no excuse and that it is my responsibility and I need to pay attention and do better.  Oh, he said a bit more than that.  I received a full Rick sized lecture.  Did I ever tell you he is the king of the lecture?  Luckily for me, I did not get spanked.  I was given grace.

Phew!  That was one close call.  I will definitely be paying for attention from now on!

Very Inspiring Blogger Award

I am most honoured and humbled to have been nominated by Pocahontas for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award with the following wonderful compliment.

"So the bloggers I have nominated are ones that have in some way left a lasting impression on me.  Each in their own way has helped John and I to form our own version of ttwd.  To them I an ever grateful for their willingness to open their hearts and minds, to pour out their life to help others.  These men and women have taken the time to answer blogs or chat or talk on the phone to pull me back from the brink of quitting.  Thank you!  It just doesn't seen adequate."

Thank you P for your lovely words :)


The Rules

1. Display the award logo on your blog
2. Link back to the person who nominated you
3. State 7 things about yourself
4. Nominated 15 other bloggers for this award and link to them
5. Notify those other bloggers of the nomination and the award's requirements

7 (boring) Things About Me

1. I am the youngest of 3 siblings - I have 2 elder brothers
2. I have a phobia of bees and wasps having been attacked by a swarm of bees as a child
3. I am a tea addict
4. I was born in the UK and our family emigrated to New Zealand when I was very young (hmm - that may explain the fact above LoL)
5. I am a talker.  When I was young my vocal chords grew too thick and I had to have surgery to thin them as it was affecting my ability to swallow etc. My family keeps telling me it happened due to over use!
6. In college (high school) I had to write a poem as a class assignment and it was one chosen by a major newspaper for publication.
7. I am blessed with a wonderful man in my life who never ceases to amaze me with his love and care of me (but you knew that one already :)

Nominations

I am going to bend the rules here.  Ok, break the rules (because I'm not always good with rules :)

I am not going to nominate specific bloggers as you are all special and important to me.  Instead, I invite anyone who would like to share some fun facts about themselves in the comments to do so :)

Peeling Back The Layers

Firstly, I want to say a huge thank you for your lovely comments on my last post. This was a wonderful moment and holds a very special meaning for us and your comments made it feel even more special.  We were both very touched. Rick commented to me that it was like our blog friends were our guests at our event ..... to the after party that is of course :)

In my last post I also mentioned I have an issue I am struggling to come to grips with right now.  That issue is vulnerability.

I hear a lot in this community about the process of peeling back the layers.  Opening our hearts fully to our husband/HoH and being truly vulnerable with him.  I have never allowed myself to become fully vulnerable to anybody before so I don't know what that feels and looks like.  How do you know when you have reached that point?

Rick tells me all the time he is proud of my efforts in submitting to him and is happy with how I am doing.  Except, I feel as though I am not "there" yet.  What is "there" anyway?  and do we ever fully get "there"?

We have come a long way and we had grown, both individually and as a couple, but I know we have a lot further to go.  Much more to learn.  I don't know if we ever stop growing, learning and evolving in TTWD and I think that's a good thing.

I feel as though I can give my husband more, but don't know how to go about it. I'm not sure if I'm building walls or putting up barriers as such, but I do feel as though I am holding something back for me and withholding it from him.  Almost as though there is some blockage in me preventing me from allowing myself to become totally vulnerable to him.  Is it my way of attempting to retain some control?  I don't know.  Maybe.  Is it a self protection mechanism?  Maybe.

We both know when I am feeling submissive.  There are external signs from me.  I constantly go for cuddles and I have a habit of constantly picking up his hand (yes, usually the spanking one) and kissing it.  It's funny, since starting TTWD I've become fascinated with his hands, along with his belt - which I am always praying stays around his waist!

When I am feeling submissive, I tell him that I am feeling "squiffy".  My own term meaning all soft and gooey and mushy.  I love it and I'm at my happiest when I am feeling squiffy.  

I find it hard to emotionally let go and allow myself to be totally vulnerable during or directly after any spanking.  Most of the time I don't cry.  At least, more than a trickle. The emotion is there inside but for some reason, it won't release.  Of course, that doesn't mean the spanking doesn't serve it's purpose because it does.  Not releasing the emotions fully leaves me feeling somewhat unresolved and a little frustrated sometimes.  

Sometimes an emotional reaction to the spanking will hit me out of blue some hours later, but again, I never fully let it go and allow myself to be fully vulnerable.

This of course, isn't only about spanking.  I generally don't feel as though I am being totally vulnerable with my husband and I wonder if the inability to let go during spankings is an affect of this.  

I have told Rick this and he said it is making him wonder what he should or could be doing to help me open up more and allow myself to become more vulnerable.  I honestly don't know.  This is something that must come from within me and it's something I desperately want to give him. He is the love of my life and I trust him with my heart.

Maybe I am just over thinking this.  As I said at the beginning, how do I tell when I have reached that point when this is so new to me?  Perhaps I already have?

"Collared"

I am struggling with an issue relating to my submission at the moment and plan to post about that, but not right now.  At the moment I am trying to formulate my thoughts.

For now, I want to tell you about last night.

In this post, I mentioned that we had purchased a pendant together.  A 'collar' if you will.  This pendant is a representation of us and our love and also a symbol of Rick's dominance.  That I am his and a reminder of that fact when we are apart.

We planned to set some 'us' time aside to focus on us, our relationship, enjoy each other and during this time he would put the pendant around my neck, effectively 'collaring' me.  I had thought this would happen last weekend but circumstances didn't in the end permit this to happen.  Also, I wasn't quite in the right head space for it ... a-hem ... as evidenced by my previous post.  Righto, lets move on shall we?  Yes? Good.

We ended up having our little 'collaring ceremony' last night.  I was a little nervous because I was pretty sure this would include a role affirmation spanking.  I hadn't been spanked for quite a while ... because I'm such an angel (shush, don't remind me of my previous post!).

Rick told me to go to the bedroom, get undressed and wait for him.  I rather hesitantly went because I hate being naked.  He does this because it makes me feel so much more submissive and vulnerable.

He came in and held me and told me we would indeed, start off with some affirmation.  He then proceeded to tell me how much I mean to him, how important my submission and his dominance is to us and how proud he is of my efforts and that this was to reinforce our roles.  When the time came I didn't want to go over the bed, I clung onto him instead.  Partly because I wanted to delay the inevitable but mostly because I needed to feel his embrace and needed his reassurance at that point.  He held me for a while soothed me, reassured me everything would be alright then guided me across the end of the bed and half lay down with me for a while rubbing my back.

Then the spanking began.  It wasn't overly hard although it was definitely stingy.  He talked to me throughout about how it is his job to lead and mine to follow, how I am his etc.  Then he stopped and rubbed my back again for a while after which he told me he was going to administer a spanking to clear the air and give us a clean slate to go forward with.  A kind of cleansing I suppose.  I reached my hand out at this point to find his.  I needed the reassurance and physical contact.  He held my hand while he spanked.  It wasn't easy to get through and it didn't take long until a trickle of tears came.  He stopped before that trickle became a river and lay down beside me for a while, still holding my hand.  Overall, the entire spanking didn't actually last that long.

I then sat on his lap while he proceeding to explain again the purpose of the pendant and told me again that the plain side represents him, the 'pretty' side represents me and the Sapphire heart represents our two hearts coming together.

He reassured me of his love for me and told me how proud he is that I am his.  He spoke to me for quite a while before finally putting the pendant around my neck.  His words were the most beautiful and  eloquent words I have ever heard.  I was speechless for a while, wondering what I had done to deserve such a wonderful, loving caring man who has such a deep love for me.  It never ceases to amaze me that I have someone who loves and cares about me so deeply ... but that kind of talk tends to get me in trouble so moving right along.

At some point I moved from his lap to my knees on the floor in front of him with my head in his lap. When he finished talking he finally said "I think It's time" and with little further ado, placed the pendant around my neck.  It is to be worn at all times and not taken off without the permission of my husband, except for when I go to bed and when I have a shower.

After our little 'ceremony' we had a lovely dinner together, shared a bottle of wine and relaxed talking and listening to soft romantic music.  We then headed to bed for a different kind of connection :)

It was a wonderful, romantic, emotionally charged night and a night of real connection.  Today I wear the pendant or 'collar' with great pride and I know I will continue to do so in the days ahead.  There is also something yummy knowing it is visible to the outside world but only we know what it truly represents.

Below is a picture of the pendant now in it's 'rightful place'.

As a side note, my husband was mucking around with the camera after taking this picture took a picture of his hand ... yes, the spanking hand.  The photo kind of looked as though the hand was in mid action so he said I should post it and say it was taken by 'butt cam'.  Did I tell you he can be a very funny guy?

Scrappy v HoH

I hate submission!  Sometimes.

Saturday is normally housework day for me.  It's a rule.  All housework is to be completed on Saturday.  Don't get me wrong.  This doesn't at all mean my husband doesn't help and join me in housework activities because he does.  In fact, that's one of the areas in which he he is very good.  It just means that nothing is left and is a way to ensure that it is completed every week.

I am a terrible obsessive compulsive and have to have everything neat and tidy, in it's place and above all - CLEAN.  Yep, I'm a clean freak.  If I'm not happy with the state of the house I become over anxious, and that leads to other problems.  All of this is another reason it's a rule.  It helps reduce any anxiety on my part and keep me in my happy place.

Now I've cleared that up, back to the story.  My husband was out having left me to sleep in so when I got up I sent him a text to check in.  Let him know where I was at and telling him I would do housework.

There was no reply to my text so I carried on my merry way.  By the way - have you ever noticed that during the throws of cleaning the house becomes even messier! Vacuum cleaner and parts strewn everywhere, various cleaning products strewn around, furniture moved around so that you can get behind/underneath etc?

I was busy working away and suddenly anxiety started to set in.  Why? About what? I really don't know.  I started obsessing about EVERYTHING.  I think it was a combination of hormones, not enough sleep (cough) and plain old OCD.  I was just feeling generally anxious.

Cue husband 

A text arrives telling me plans we had for that night could not now go ahead and that he wasn't concerned about the housework because he had other plans for us and to get myself organised so that I would be ready when he arrived home.

WTF!  You tell me this now? When I'm in the middle of this mess!

I spiralled.  A combination of frustration at our plans for that evening not coming to fruition and anxiety at the change in direction - Argh

Cue this guy

Yep, my old friend Scrappy.  In a panic, I looked around at my (in my mind at the time) dishevelled home and became even more anxious.  However, I dropped what I was doing and headed for the shower instead so that I would be ready when hubby arrived back home.

As I showered my mind went places that I'm now ashamed to admit to.  I started thinking such thoughts as

Sc*** you

Why should you call all the shots

What about what I want

Why do I have to be at your beck and call constantly

I don't want to obey

This sucks

Obviously, I was feeling anything but submissive.  As I said, I'm ashamed of these thoughts now.  I was feeling ... well ... scrappy.  The OCD also took a greater hold and I started to obsess even more about silly little things.

My husband arrived home and it was abundantly clear that I was frazzled so he sat me down to talk.  I told him I was frustrated and anxious that he had changed plans on me and generally started ranting about all the things I thought needed doing.  As well as the housework the lawn needs mowing, the windows need cleaning, the cats need a bath ... not sure about that one but that's about how ridiculous my rambling was.  I told him he didn't understand how I get anxious and to not let me know plans early enough, or to change them without much notice just did me in.  Then I confessed that I also felt unsubmissive (that was already pretty clear!).  I didn't want to submit.  I felt that I was at his beck and call constantly.   All those thoughts that had been going through my head.

He listened, talked calmly to me and asked a lot of questions to try and get to the bottom of what was really going on.  At one point I threw my hands up and said "oh, you're never going to understand!"at which point he quietly, but very firmly told me to knock that talk off.

Eventually I calmed and apologised and told  him I knew my anxiety was silly, but it was real to me and that this submission business is hard.  There are times I just want to buck it, thumb my nose at him and perhaps need to be able to vent a little too.

My rant over it was his turn to talk.  He apologied that our plans for the evening had been changed and said he was disappointed too.  He told me he did know that I get anxious about things I feel need attention and always endeavours to take that into account when making any plans.  He then went on to tell me he appreciated my efforts to submit and was proud of me and that he would modify things in future so that I would have more advanced warning of his plans, or change of plans.  Finally, he thanked me for letting him know how I felt.

Do you want to know what he did next?

Spank me?

Nope

He mowed the lawn.  Yes, that's right.  He mowed the lawn instead of continuing with his original (changed) intention.

Why don't I go and mow the lawn while you continue 

With those words I felt the stress literally leave my body like a balloon deflating.  I hadn't finished by the time he had finished the lawn and still had some residual anxiety, but I was a lot happier.

Could I have done with a stress relief spanking?  Well, maybe, but my clever husband knew mowing the lawn would be far more effective Lol.

My husband never ceases to amaze me.  His ability to read me, know what I need, talk, listen, encourage me in my efforts and apologise (even if I don't believe it is necessary).

I feel so blessed and am so proud of the way in which he has embraced his role within our dynamic.

New Bedtime Rule?

I have terrible sleeping habits.  I am a terrible night owl and also suffer from insomnia.  This is something that also occasionally gets me into trouble with my husband.  Regular readers already know this as I've mentioned in it several previous posts.

Being on holiday has made this problem even worse!  Ok, I'm going to give Wilma a few minutes here to pick herself up off the floor and clean up her morning cup of coffee she just spluttered all over her kitchen reading that statement.  She KNOWS exactly what I am talking about!

Truth be told, my husband and I are both terrible night owls and during this time off work neither of us have been getting to bed at a reasonable hour, or even close to it.

Most nights my husband has to tell me to go to bed.  No problem when he is here.  When he is away he will ring or text and tell me to go to bed, which I do.  The problem is that I then proceed to settle down with a bedtime drink, pick up my phone and trawl the internet, read blogs, even comment on some etc.   It can be up to an hour and a half after he tells me to go to bed that I actually finally settle down to lights out.  I have also been known to pick up the phone during the night and check emails.  Sheesh .. no wonder you have problems sleeping Roz!  yeah yeah, I know!

Obviously this is something we are both going to have to work on prior to going back to work.

This afternoon we were sitting together cuddling during by the beach and I mentioned how bad these habits had become.  He lifted my chin up to meet his face so that I had to look him in the eye and kept his hand there so that I couldn't look away

Ok.  No more phone.  No more blogs in bed.  Understand?  this was said with that 'or else' look

Yes Sir

This

Equals this

And hopefully results in this

I'm not really sure if this a rule as such, but it is an expectation and that's all that matters.  There will be consequences for not meeting it and quite frankly, I'm a little worried.  I can see myself getting a very sore butt more than once over this.

Ok, I know what you're going to say.  Just turn off the phone ... right?  Simple.  In theory yes.  But, it is such a habit and also so tempting, especially if don't really feel like going to sleep.  I also prefer to leave the phone on when Rick is away.  Just in case.  Also, so that I don't miss him if he rings or text the next morning (although I don't always hear it ... he he).

This is going to take some effort and willpower on my part.  Perhaps I should just get used to turning the phone off.  I really don't want to let my husband down on this.

As a side note, Rick was away last night and when I went out to pick him up for our outing this afternoon I was confronted with a Police checkpoint, checking for drivers licence and vehicle warrant of fitness.  Although I knew I had nothing to worry about anxiety set in.  I don't know why really.  Of course, I left the checkpoint no problem.  I told Rick about the checkpoint when I met him and told him I was more than happy for him to take over driving as I was feeling a bit unnerved.  I mentioned something about authority figures.  He just looked at me with a big knowing smile on his face as if to say you know whose authority you have to watch out for.

Funny how these situations make me even more nervous now.  Knowing that any trouble with the Police will mean A LOT of trouble with my husband!

Shopping For A Collar

No, not one like that

We went out shopping today to spend some vouchers we had been given for Christmas.

A while ago my husband expressed a desire to purchase a piece of jewellery for me.  Not just any piece,  a piece that must be worn at all times and only removed either by him or with his permission (with blanket permission for when I take a shower).

This will be a symbol of our commitment to each other and our love.  It is also to remind me of him and his dominance at all times, especially when we are apart.

We had a lot of fun looking around the stores together and finally decided on:

this

(the photo is a bit hard to see but hopefully you get the idea).  

Afterwards, my husband said the following:

You know what I see in this?  The plain half represents me, the sparkly, pretty side represents you and the Sapphire heart brings us together

We are going to set aside a special time where he will fasten the pendant around my neck, effectively 'collaring' me.

The idea feels a bit strange to me at the moment, but I think I am going to love my new 'collar'.  Knowing what it represents and the fact that it will be our little secret.  It will be in plain view around my neck to the outside world, but only we will know its true meaning.

As a side note.  I was reminded of Christina's recent post today also.  At one point while we were out driving Rick pulled over to manoeuvre into a park.  He had basically stopped the car but had not yet pulled the hand brake or turned off the ignition.

What did I do?

Yep, you guessed it.  I undid my seat belt.

OOPS

I immediately got 'the look' accompanied with had I turned the ignition off??

Holiday Tales and Promised Spankings

Reading various posts recently it seems the Christmas/New year period is a difficult time for those of us in ttwd relationships.  With the usual stresses, hustle and bustle of the season, coupled with being around more people the dynamic takes a bit of a back seat.  For some of us, that also means our submission also takes a bit of a back seat.

Well, it seems I have not been immune to this phenomenon.  I mean, I haven't exactly been in trouble, or slipped that badly, but the focus I usually have hasn't been there and my husband have been lenient with the tiny indiscretions.

That is, he was being lenient.  He has since told me that we need to refocus on "us" and that some role affirmation is definitely required to help the process of refocusing.  Sheesh - can't I just enjoy my holiday?  Regular readers here will know that role affirmation is something fairly new to us.

It is summer here but the weather has been a bit up and down, we've had some lovely warm sunny days, days of torrential rain and days of horrendous gale force winds, although the temperature has remained quite warm. 

Since the hustle and bustle of the Christmas/new year period we have been enjoying the nice days, taking time out for us and going on afternoon 'dates' to favourtie places.  I call them dates because that is exactly what it feels like.  We have taken nice seaside strolls hand in had, visited a lot of favourite cafes and visited places we either haven't been to before or haven't been to for a while.

We have had a lot of fun together just focusing on us and as a result it feels like we are both now 'rediscovering' our roles again after the Christmas madness.  OK, maybe I am rediscovering mine a little slower than he is :)

The other day we went to a favourtie park, visited the cafe then lay in the sun together just talking and cuddling, watching the myriad of other people there playing various games.  It was a lovely afternoon.  There was lots of loving conversation during which he said something about loving how connected we are.

Later that day he had to go out for the evening.  Before he left I threw my arms around him, kissed him and batted my eyes

Honey

Yes sweetheart

I don't know if we really need role affirmation now

This was met with lots of laughter from him before he kissed me

Nice try angel

Dang!  Can't blame a girl for trying though.

I'm enjoying this time together.  I really should be getting on with some of the 'stuff' I usually do during part of the holidays.  You know, cleaning inside of windows, cleaning cupboards etc.  But, there is still time for that ... and it will be back to work and back to reality soon enough - sigh!

Confessing

Whenever I do something wrong - break a rule or do anything that I know my husband wont approve of I always confess it to him.

Why do I confess to my husband?  Because he expects it.  He trusts me to carry out his instructions, follow his leadership and rules and expects me to come to him and tell him when I fail to do so.  However, that is not the only reason.

I have consented to my husband taking the lead in our relationship and I trust him to make the best decisions for me and for us.  As part of this, he sets guidelines for us both to follow.  The rules, guidelines he sets are in place either for my own benefit, to help me become a better person, or for the benefit of our relationship.

If I don't follow his leadership, how can I expect him to lead?  If I don't follow his leadership, how can we expect to receive the benefits of living this lifestyle and to grow together?

My husband holds himself to a very high standard and when he makes a mistake he owns it. He takes responsibility, confesses to me and apologises.  Just as he expects it of me, I also expect the same of him.

To not confess, in my opinion, would be dishonest and a betrayal of the trust he has put in me to follow his leadership.  By the same token, the same applies to him.  To not confess would be a betrayal of the trust I have in him as our leader.

Is it easy to confess?  No.  It is something I wrestle with internally for a while before taking the plunge and starting that sometimes difficult conversation, knowing that I am going to disappoint him and seeing that disappointment in his eyes.

Of course, knowing that it may lead to some unpleasant consequences for me also gives me pause.  But, as part of our ttwd relationship I have also agreed to be held accountable by my husband for my actions.  If I do something he would otherwise be unaware of, but for me confessing it, I cannot be held accountable and that means the behaviour isn't modified.

I don't handle the feelings of remorse and guilt I have by not telling my husband very well. Also, if I don't confess it means I get away with it (so to speak) and that leads to me feeling less submissive overall which of course, never ends well.

Confessing is not easy, but it is by far better to confess and accept any consequences of that confession so that the slate is clean and we can move forward.  

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year everyone!  

Rick and I wish you every blessing for the year ahead.  Oh, and for you spankos ... much spanking!

We feel very blessed by our friends in this community and thank you all for your support and encouragement and look forward to continued friendships as we enter this new year.  We have been doing ttwd for just over a year now and couldn't have come this far without the amazing support from all of you.

In a couple of previous posts I kinda joked about how I just may be the first Dd wife to be spanked in 2013 given our location and time zone ...  hmm, such a dubious honour I think!  Anyway, just in case you are curious, it has NOT happened ... yet!  so I think it's probably safe to say I have been saved that 'honour'.  Sorry to you spankos out there, or those of you who may have been betting on me being the first (in which case I need new friends!)  In fact, the last spanking was a while ago now so I am worried about how my bottom will take the next spanking being so out of practice. (yay for me huh!)

I find it disconcerting this time of year how being such a busy time and being with family etc Dd takes a bit of a back seat.  I want to get back to our 'normal' again and feel as though I have been trying to take a bit too much control and loosing my submissive self lately.  I want to refocus on Dd.

I said as much to my husband today and it seems he doesn't see it quite the same way and is happy with my behaviour (a very good thing!).  He also said that Dd is always a focus for us.

Here's to 2013.  I hope it brings you health, love, happiness and many, many blessings! Some of our bloggy friends are expecting either first or subsequent babies or grand babies this year.  I am so excited for you and share in your joy!

I am truly thankful for the many blessings I have which include my husband, family and friends.