I am struggling with an issue relating to my submission at the moment and plan to post about that, but not right now. At the moment I am trying to formulate my thoughts.
For now, I want to tell you about last night.
In this post, I mentioned that we had purchased a pendant together. A 'collar' if you will. This pendant is a representation of us and our love and also a symbol of Rick's dominance. That I am his and a reminder of that fact when we are apart.
We planned to set some 'us' time aside to focus on us, our relationship, enjoy each other and during this time he would put the pendant around my neck, effectively 'collaring' me. I had thought this would happen last weekend but circumstances didn't in the end permit this to happen. Also, I wasn't quite in the right head space for it ... a-hem ... as evidenced by my previous post. Righto, lets move on shall we? Yes? Good.
We ended up having our little 'collaring ceremony' last night. I was a little nervous because I was pretty sure this would include a role affirmation spanking. I hadn't been spanked for quite a while ... because I'm such an angel (shush, don't remind me of my previous post!).
Rick told me to go to the bedroom, get undressed and wait for him. I rather hesitantly went because I hate being naked. He does this because it makes me feel so much more submissive and vulnerable.
He came in and held me and told me we would indeed, start off with some affirmation. He then proceeded to tell me how much I mean to him, how important my submission and his dominance is to us and how proud he is of my efforts and that this was to reinforce our roles. When the time came I didn't want to go over the bed, I clung onto him instead. Partly because I wanted to delay the inevitable but mostly because I needed to feel his embrace and needed his reassurance at that point. He held me for a while soothed me, reassured me everything would be alright then guided me across the end of the bed and half lay down with me for a while rubbing my back.
Then the spanking began. It wasn't overly hard although it was definitely stingy. He talked to me throughout about how it is his job to lead and mine to follow, how I am his etc. Then he stopped and rubbed my back again for a while after which he told me he was going to administer a spanking to clear the air and give us a clean slate to go forward with. A kind of cleansing I suppose. I reached my hand out at this point to find his. I needed the reassurance and physical contact. He held my hand while he spanked. It wasn't easy to get through and it didn't take long until a trickle of tears came. He stopped before that trickle became a river and lay down beside me for a while, still holding my hand. Overall, the entire spanking didn't actually last that long.
I then sat on his lap while he proceeding to explain again the purpose of the pendant and told me again that the plain side represents him, the 'pretty' side represents me and the Sapphire heart represents our two hearts coming together.
He reassured me of his love for me and told me how proud he is that I am his. He spoke to me for quite a while before finally putting the pendant around my neck. His words were the most beautiful and eloquent words I have ever heard. I was speechless for a while, wondering what I had done to deserve such a wonderful, loving caring man who has such a deep love for me. It never ceases to amaze me that I have someone who loves and cares about me so deeply ... but that kind of talk tends to get me in trouble so moving right along.
At some point I moved from his lap to my knees on the floor in front of him with my head in his lap. When he finished talking he finally said "I think It's time" and with little further ado, placed the pendant around my neck. It is to be worn at all times and not taken off without the permission of my husband, except for when I go to bed and when I have a shower.
After our little 'ceremony' we had a lovely dinner together, shared a bottle of wine and relaxed talking and listening to soft romantic music. We then headed to bed for a different kind of connection :)
It was a wonderful, romantic, emotionally charged night and a night of real connection. Today I wear the pendant or 'collar' with great pride and I know I will continue to do so in the days ahead. There is also something yummy knowing it is visible to the outside world but only we know what it truly represents.
Below is a picture of the pendant now in it's 'rightful place'.
As a side note, my husband was mucking around with the camera after taking this picture took a picture of his hand ... yes, the spanking hand. The photo kind of looked as though the hand was in mid action so he said I should post it and say it was taken by 'butt cam'. Did I tell you he can be a very funny guy?