My Thoughts On Submission

Lillie had a recent post on submission.  Where it comes from and what we can do to help retain it or re-gain it when we just aren't feeling it.  This post got me thinking so I decided to share my own thoughts on the subject.

There is a difference between acting submissively and feeling submissive.  I believe it is possible to act submissively without actually feeling submissive, but this isn't true submission that comes from deep within.  Having said that though, I do believe that by acting submissively this can lead to actually 'feeling it'.  Fake it till you make it (so to speak).

So where does submission come from, and how do we retain it?  Well, to me there are a lot of things that come into play here and I have listed these below: 

What the HoH can do

I've read recent comments that submission comes from the HoH's spanking hand.  These comments may have, at least partly, been in jest but I think there is some truth to this.  Spanking is, after all, a highly intimate act and there is no greater show of dominance and submission.

There are a lot of things the HoH can do to help us find and retain submission.  I believe it is the duty of the HoH to do all he can to assist his wife in reaching her goal of submission.

There were a lot of good ideas in Lillie's post and in the comments.  For example, a piece of jewellery that must be worn at all times as a symbol of his dominance.  Also, by simply exerting his authority in different ways constantly.

Of course, consistency from the HoH is crucial in enforcing rules and desired behaviours.  Without consistency the incentive to let him lead, and indeed to encourage him to lead is diminished.

As I mentioned above, it is possible to act submissively without feeling submissive.  Ultimately though, true submission is a gift and must come from within.  It cannot be demanded or 'forced'

A domestic discipline relationship is like a dance, the more dominance exhibited by our husband, the more submissive we feel and vice versa.


Obedience and respect

I think there is an important tie-in between obedience, treating your husband (and others) with respect and submission.  By following the rules of the household and other expectations on us from time to time, we are not only playing our part within the Dd dynamic, it in itself is also an act of our submission.  This in turn leads to us feeling more submissive.

Now, of course, this is a tricky one.  Obedience and submission go hand in hand and feed off each other.  At times when we aren't feeling it, it's not easy to obey, particularly if the HoH is not consistent with enforcing the rules.  It is too easy for thoughts like "why should I bother" to creep in.

This is an area where I think couples early in a Dd relationship sometimes struggle.  It takes time to adjust to having rules and to consistently follow them.  It also takes a new HoH time to become comfortable in his role and to enforce the rules in a consistent manner.

Obedience and respect are two of the corner stones of a Dd relationship.  When submission takes a hike I think it is important to remember this.  Also recognise that by disobedience you are letting both yourself and your husband down.  Remember too that such actions lead to unpleasant consequences.

I have singled out obedience and respect here as I think they are the aspects of a Dd relationship that crop up most often.  Of course, the same applies to dishonesty and dangerous behaviour.  Some couples also include distancing as an element to their relationship.


Femininity

I believe there is a strong tie-in between our femininity and our submission.  When we feel feminine we are more yielding, feel more vulnerable and therefore less likely to become bolshy, bossy or try to take control away from our husband.

Doing things that make you feel feminine (wearing feminine clothing for example) can produce feelings of submissiveness.


Trust

Giving our husband consent to lead us and bear ultimate responsibility for the entire family, and to use discipline to enforce rules/expected behaviours takes a great deal of trust.  It also makes us extremely vulnerable.  Until such time as we put complete trust in our husband, I think it is impossible to become truly submissive and embrace the vulnerability that arises from submission.

This trust has to develop over time.  This is another area where I think couples new to this lifestyle may struggle.  It takes time for both partners to adjust to the lifestyle and their individual roles within it.   With patience and perhaps a little trial and error this trust slowly develops.


Having said all the above, what about me?  Am I always submissive to my husband?  No.
Do I follow every rule and carry out every instruction he issues 24/7? No (just ask my husband!).  In fact, I was spanked just the other night for not completing an assigned task and (cringing here) for getting to bed later than the time I was given a few nights ago (again!).

Submission takes time to cultivate and a great deal of effort to maintain.