Friday, 2 November 2012

Hugs Needed

Today has been a very bad day for us.  It is now Friday night here and as I sit here reflecting on the day I feel sad.  Very sad.

I don't have the energy to go into details.  Besides, I am also afraid that if I do it will all seem so silly to you readers.  I'm sure it will to me too come tomorrow morning and I will wonder what the fuss was all about and why I was so sad, but tonight I am sad.

Rick and I usually enjoy our Friday's.  We usually enjoy a nice lunch in a favourite cafe and then a drink at a favourite bar later on before heading on for the evening.  Well, today was not one of those Friday's.  Sure, we had our usual lunch and drink but today was also marred with anger, frustration, sadness and, worst of all, distance between us.

I'm happy to say that we did talk and mostly resolve things, but there are some lingering feelings.  For me at least, and I am sure him too.  To be clear, this is not about ttwd (well, not just about ttwd anyway).  We are both still totally committed and I have absolute trust and respect for him as our leader.  In fact, I told him just today how proud and amazed I am at how he has grown into his role as an HoH over the last year and how he has stepped things up recently.

I have also been thinking about saying goodbye to Roz recently because blogland has started to become an obsession for me.  Honestly, those of you who have online limits, I seriously don't know how you mange to keep with up blogs, not to mention posting on your own blogs.  Please tell me!

Another reason I have been thinking of saying goodbye to the blog is that I can't help committing the ultimate sin.  That is comparing myself to others.  When I do that, it makes me feel inadequate.

As I said before, I doubt very much I will feel this way tomorrow (at least I hope not!) - but tonight I need a hug and Rick's not here!


  1. Oh Roz! I really hope you don't leave. Although I was having a similar discussion with Wilma over the past couple of days ( yup C and Wilma battling it out in my head)

    Not to go on on your blog, but having an issue here, not Dd realated and wanted to turn to the blog for help. Then I was like, you know you have face to face friends! But it is harder to talk with them at the moment.

    I'm not sure, as a newbie perspective, why you would have issues comparing yourself to others here--- NOT THAT I think you should. We all know people only let you know what they want you to. There are always messy back stories, that don't make in print.

    My heart hurts for you. Since I've started Dd I know that sad is REALLY, really sad for a woman in ttwd. It can also accompany the feeling of being alone. I know it is all well and good for me to say oceans away, but you're not alone. That is the best thing about this community.

    I hope with all my heart that Saturday morning finds you with a feeling of (well I'm not sure) contentment, understanding of why you felt sad? I hope you find your happy button again and press it, and (selfish on my part) stay in blog land.

    All my love and complete understanding

    ( Perhaps a break? Like LM said a Cruise. From Blog land. An all exclusive vacation with face to face friends(FTFF)?

    1. Hi Wilma, thank you so much for your lovely words and support, I truly appreciate it. Everyone here has been so wonderful and helped me gain a new perspective as far as blogging goes.

      It is hard sometimes not to compare to others, but it's important to remember that no couple practice ttwd the same and that we are at different stages of the journey.

      It is easier to 'talk' about things here sometimes rather than with FTFF, and everyone is always willing to listen and provide support.

      Thank you so much again, your comment really gave me a boost.

      Love and Hugs!

  2. Ahh, Roz. I wish I could offer you a real hug. First, there is nothing that you've written that I think most of us have not felt. When you start your blog then you have to read and comment on other blogs to get to know others and that does take time. Then you feel like you are friends with many and so you want to keep up reading, commenting, and working on your own blog. Time can certainly get away from you and you can ignore "real life". But, I am not helping so far! Relationships are hard work, blogging can be hard, and TTWD/DD is hard. No way around those facts. But, I think blogging provides you with a unique voice that would be missed. I know it is hard not to compare yourself to others, but we visit you to see what you have to say...not to see that you are a copy of someone else. If you need to step back a bit then do so. Keep your page up and make it goal to spend an hour a day reading and commenting and then a post once a week or something. But, certainly do what is right for you. I am glad to read you were able to talk with your husband. Lingering feelings can not be helped at times, but do what you can to bridge the gap. Think on the good of your relationship. Hugs.

    1. Hi SNP, thank you so much for your very kind words, support and very good advice.

      "we visit to see what you have to say, not to see that you are a copy of someone else", thank you so much for those words, it has really helped me gain some perspective and I am grateful to you for that.

      Things are now (thankfully) resolved and any lingering feelings have now departed.

      Thanks again, I really appreciate it. Hugs

  3. I'm glad that God made days and nights, so we can start over. Tomorrow, may the sun shine not only in the sky, but in your heart also. I will pray for you, that God will help you feel Him near to you, that He will give you wisdom and discerment in your decisio about your blog, and that He will bless you with hope and joy in the comming days. God Bless You and Yours, Belle L.

  4. Replies
    1. Hi Belle, thank you so much for your kind words and support. Yes, of course you are forgiven :)

      Such wise words regarding having a day and night to start over. Those words helped me put things into a bit more perspective and realise it wouldn't seem as bad the next morning.

      Thank you. Blessings

  5. Hi Roz :)
    Big Hug
    I know it is very difficult to put blogging into the proper perspective in one's life. I have to be careful, as well. I can let things start to slip and then end up in all kinds of trouble. I don't know what the solution is, except, I fill it in when I would have done other leisure perhaps reading or talking on the phone. I also don't watch tv, so that frees up time when the rest of the family might be watching a movie....
    I don't want to pressure you, but I sure hope you don't stop blogging. I will really miss you. I do think that there is no opportunity to discuss this lifestyle with others in the real world, so what you bring to your blog and receive in feedback is reaffirming (for me, anyway). :)
    Writing is also very cathartic. We learn a lot about ourselves as we write about our feelings and experiences.
    Sending you every blessing across the oceans and praying that you feel better soon.
    Love and big big hugs

    1. Hi Lillie, thank you so much for your lovely words. You are right on all counts. There is no opportunity to discuss this lifestyle with others in the real world and this community is an amazing source of support and advice. I also agree that we learn a lot from writing. It would be extremely hard I think to negotiate this lifestyle without all the amazing people in this community.

      Everyone here has been so amazing and given me such a boost. Also a lot of good advice

      Happy to say all is once again as it should be in Rick and Roz land.

      Thank you again Lillie, I appreciate you.

      Love and Hugs!

  6. Hi Roz,
    Anger, frustration, sadness and, distancing all keep happening.
    It's those times that make us appreciate the good times more.
    Blogging is time consuming, tell me about it! Not being a native-english speaker it takes even more time to write something decent.
    But, you know, there is not a Law in Blogland,stating a minimum of 2 post a week for keeping the citizenship.
    I'm sending hugs right through the floor of my study, down through the entire earthglobe and directly to you.

    1. Hi Bas, thank you so much for your kind words and very sound advice. I felt the hug too and sent one back.

      You are right, of course, these feelings will keep happening from time to time, but they are rare now and when it does happen it cuts a lot deeper now as we are usually so close.

      Right again about the blogging. Thank you for your support and very wise words :)

  7. Hi Roz~

    I would miss you if you left, but I understand what you are saying about it being time consuming. I find myself getting sucked in, and before I know it too much time has elapsed....and I have failed at getting things taken care of around here.

    The answer?? I am not sure. I think I need time limits....I think that it is perfectly okay to say that you are only going to post once a week, or heck every other week....whatever works for you.

    I think you are great....just the way you don't need to compare yourself to others :D

    Today is a new day....and I hope it finds things a little more cheery in your part of the world.

    Oh, and before I forget I am sending a huge ((((((((HUG))))))))

    Have a wonderful deserve it :D

    1. Awe, thank you so much for you lovely words and support Lucy, I truly appreciate it.

      Everyone here has been so amazing, and I truly appreciate it. I am feeling more myself now. Some sleep and a new day helped too.

      Thank you again Lucy - Hugs!

  8. I hope tomorrow is a better day. Blogging is addictive there is no doubt about that and once you start reading you find more and more blogs to visit. Try to limit the number of blogs you visit in a day, the following day visit others. Don't feel obligated to post except when you have something you want to share. Just a few suggestions.

    1. Hi Sunny, thank you so much for your words and support. Wonderful suggestions too that I will definitely take on board.

      I am feeling a lot more myself again now.

      Thank you again.

  9. Oh Roz, I hope it helped to write about it and share here and I hope you feel much better in the morning. It sounds like you're putting too much pressure on yourself. Maybe a break from blogland would be a good thing, though you will certainly be missed. Realize though, that you don't have to write a certain number of posts or read every post on every blog that you like. And there's not one of us here who is perfect. An area that you may struggle with, I may not. However, an area I may struggle with, you may not. Keep that in mind when you read something that makes you feel inadequate! ((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

    1. Hi Grace, thank you so much for the hug, the kind words and great advice.

      I think I have now gained some more perspective on the blogging, thanks to all the wonderful suggestions and comments from everyone here. A new day certainly helped too and it did help to share it here. I am so grateful to all my bloggy friends.

      Thanks again Grace and a big hug back :)

  10. ((HUGS)) Sorry your Friday was rough...and I hope that your Saturday (now today for you?) is much better. If you feel like you are getting sucked in and obsessed with the blogging thing, definitely take a step back from it. Your real life deserves the majority of your time and attention. I get burnt out on in often and stepping away for a day or two or more really helps me find that balance that's so important. Some days, I simply won't even turn my computer on!

    1. Hi Tess, thank you so much for your kind words of support and very good advice. Everyone here has certainly helped me gain some perspective on the blogging thing.

      Thank you again, and Hugs back :)

  11. ((hugs)) Hope you don't go!
    Maybe just limit yourself with blogging? I try to make a schedule and not get caught up, but I get what you are saying... I have been sucked in too!!
    I make myself do all my day work first, or a set number of things, then hop online.

    1. Hi Emi, thank you so much for visiting and for your kind words and very sound advice. I really appreciate it.

      I have added to you my blog list and will pop over and visit :)

      Thank you once again and Hugs back.

  12. (((hugs))) Roz, I think we all feel that. I surely feel that on a pretty regular basis, inadequate, unworthy. I'm sorry he's not there to help, I know how it is when they are gone. They are our anchors, and especially when we've have a little uncertainty, physical distance doesn't help at all.

    I do hope the night, some sleep and sweet dreams makes things more manageable.

    1. Hi June, thank you so much for the hug and lovely words. I get a lot from you and Ward, you guys are an inspiration to the rest of us living this lifestyle.

      A night sleep and a new day did work wonders I'm happy to say.

      Thank you again, I really appreciate your comment.

  13. Hey my sweet Angel, my heart nearly broke when I read this post, it is so hard being apart at any time but when your baby is sad and you can't be there to hold her and reassure her, it is almost unbearable.

    (((((hugs))))) my love, will be back with you soon, till then remember I love you with every fibre in my body, I am the luckiest man in the world to be your HoH and husband. Baby I truely am Amazed by You xoxo

    1. My love, this brought tears to my eyes and left me speechless. I really needed this, but of course, you knew that. I will show you my full appreciation in private *wink* :)

      Any time apart is hard and I can't bear any distance between us. I am so glad we are now back to where we should be my love. I think I am the lucky one xoxo

  14. I agree with what everyone has said. Blogging is addictive.
    I for one am happy when I hear how different everyone is. No two people should approach this life the same way. Tomorrow is another day, and I hope the morning makes you feel happier.

    1. Hi Minelle, thank you so much for you comment, support and good advice. Everyone commenting here has certainly given me a new perspective as far as blogging goes, so thank you.

      Happy to say, a night's sleep and a new day worked wonders :)

  15. Hey Roz,
    I saw your next post and I'm so happy you are feeling better. But I wanted to come back here and speak to blog obsession. It's real and it's serious and we need a support group, but we'd have to have one on line and that might defeat the purpose, LOL.

    I was going to go on here, but I feel a post growing from this so I'll go into more thought over at my place sometime soon. I can say with certainty that blogging help our marriage so even though I gave it too much attention at first it was a good thing overall.


  16. Hi PK, my most humble apologies for the delay in replying to you. It seems I just haven't managed to get around to replying to you and to comments on my last post and am just trying to catch up now.

    Thank you so much for visiting me and for your comment, I really appreciate it.

    I agree, I think we need a support group! Lol

    Blogging can become a real obsession. It can be hard to find the balance at times. It would be great if you want to do a post on the subject. I would be keen to hear your thoughts.

    Overall, this community is such a valuable source of friendship, support and advice and a great place to turn at times when you are struggling with ttwd - to know you are not alone. The pros definitely outweigh the cons.

  17. Hi, Roz. I'm late to this because I've been busy and chose to do my real life stuff instead of carving out time to visit everybody every day. I also read posts I never comment on, because I simply cannot find the time. I read through some people's blogs and rarely or never comment - it's simply too difficult on my phone. Commenting takes a lot longer with my touch screen than typing, and pages load slower. I love all the blogs I read, and I don't really pick and choose, I just do what I can do, but.... You know what I'm saying. Anyway, I love that everyone is so different in their perspectives, lifestyles, personalities, and the ways in which they address issues in their relationships. It is ALWAYS thought-provoking.

    Comparing. That may be part of why I don't have blog, along with time constraints. I don't compare in the sense of wishing I had someone else's relationship dynamics, although I very much admire some of what I read. My comparing is more along the lines of knowing we are different, and knowing I can't explain our dynamics without violating or compromising trusts. I'm working this out, because I love the friends I've made and enjoy being part of this community of people who are so special.

    I know you have another post up, so I'm assuming you're sticking around, at least for now. Just know that whatever you decide, it's been a pleasure getting to know you, I support whatever you decide, and I wish the best for you and Rick. I'm off to read your latest. Blessings!