One thing I've learnt on this journey of ours into ttwd is to not take it for granted. Not to become too complacent or to think you know exactly where you are at and what to expect.
As has been said many times on different blogs, ttwd is a constantly evolving thing and there are times when things are humming along nicely, there are times of change and times of growth.
In my previous post I said that I had mentioned to Rick that it felt like, in regards to ttwd, we were an old married couple. What I meant by that was that it felt as though the excitement, if you like, of when it was new had diminished to a degree and that we were in phase where it was becoming integrated into life as normal and that we were humming along nicely. I'm not at all saying that is a bad thing. I think that is what we are striving for at the end of the day. I also asked the question as to whether this was common. Thank you to those of you who commented.
Anyway, although I wasn't telling Rick I thought there was anything wrong, my comment unsettled him. He was worried that there was something lacking in what he was doing, or that he wasn't showing me enough just how much he loved me and how committed to ttwd he is. I have reassured him this is not the case. However, since making that comment he has become more attentive, loving and there has been an increase in shows of dominance.
Something else I have also mentioned on here before is that Rick was not keen on spanking without any infraction. Therefore we didn't have role affirmation spankings. Well, that was the case until fairly recently when Rick announced we would try some form of role affirmation. We did try it once and I wrote about it in this post. While it was D/s focussed, the spanking itself was very light and the whole thing was more of a fun experience.
That was our one and only role affirmation .... or so I thought!
On Friday night I received my first 'proper' role affirmation spanking. Right after my work Christmas function no less. Big meanie!
We were having some nice alone time after the Christmas function. Rick is very jealous of our alone time and does not like interruptions. Therefore, I have a rule during these times that I do not touch any electronic equipment such as television, sound system etc without checking with him first. That means no touching any remotes. Period. That's not to say we don't end up watching TV, or listening to music etc, but it is Rick's call how this time is spent. He always asks me what I would like to do and my wishes are usually taken into account.
I told him I was just going to pop up to the bedroom quickly to tidy up a few things. He said ok and off I went. But, I deviated and went into another room first and turned the computer on. He heard it.
That doesn't sound like bed making! came the call from the lounge
Oops, I only turned it on. I wasn't actually going to do anything on it.
With that he came into the bedroom and told me I knew playing with electronic equipment, or any other distraction was a rule break during our alone times. I told him I was sorry and that for some reason I hadn't linked the computer to the rule in my head. Not rocket science I know and I don't know how I never made the association.
He sat on the bed, drew me to him and proceeded to explain to me that it is, and to remember that in future. I promised I would.
Then came this ....
Lets do some role affirmation
Huh??? ... b-b-but we don't do that
I told you I was going to introduce it
We then proceeded to talk - well he did. He told me how important us and ttwd is to him. How important our roles are and that he needed it just as much as I did to help him maintain his role. He also said that with the stresses we had been under, the fact that we had both lost our respective roles lately not to mention my recent episodes of less than stellar attitude, it was needed. I knew that it was not going to be a fun session like the first time.
With that, he proceeded to strip me to my underwear. That is something he quite often does for more serious corrective spankings. He does it because I feel more vulnerable and open to him in that state. I hate it and he knows it, which I suppose is why he continues to do it.
He retrieved the leather paddle, sat down on the bed next to me and rubbed my back. He said he would start off gently. Gentle was definitely NOT the way it ended! He asked me if I wanted him to stop. (Well Duh!!)
But, it's not up to me
No. It's not up to you, but I want to know how you feel. Whether you want me to stop.
I told him yes and very soon after he did stop but left me if position while he talked to me for a looong time. Well, it seemed like it at the time anyway. Why is it our HoH's seem to think we listen better in this position? Why do they also think we are more capable of answering questions in this position come to think of it?
Finally, he pulled me onto his lap and we talked some more with me sniffing into his shirt all the while. He told me how proud he was of me and my efforts to submit to him. How proud he was of my blogging and the connections I have made with the community. I asked him when he had decided to do role affirmation. Had he intended to do it then or did he think about it because of the computer thing. He said he had thought about it beforehand and had decided Friday was the night. For some reason I don't understand, I have this need to know that he has thought about things before he acts. Of course, there are times when he reacts instantaneously to a situation, but I have this need with something like this, or where there has had to be a delay before a corrective spanking that he has given it thought.
I told him he had really surprised me as I knew he couldn't easily reconcile to the idea of spanking with no infraction. His response was maybe it showed growth in him. He also said he took his job of leading us seriously and was determined to steer us toward growth. Then came this little gem
I also read what you say on the blog and listen to what you tell me from other blogs and what role affirmation does for them and I take it all away and think about it.
Well, colour me stupid! We all know you should NEVER let your HoH near other blogs, let alone TELL him what is on them! Duh! Clearly I should never have told him about Lillie's experiences with maintenance - how they started out to what they have become!!
After a bit more talking I asked him in a cutesy way whether he wanted to see his handiwork. In a flash I was OTB again while he admired my scorched butt, rubbing it gently. One thing led to another and he ended up finding another way to dominate me.
You are mine
Come for me baby. That's it
See. I can spank you, and I can make you come
Clearly role affirmation had worked for him and I guess he is still in HoH mode because I told him about the post Clint recently put up on Learning Domestic Discipline regarding multiple spankings in one day. (I can't remember what lead me to tell him that now)
Well, if a Woman can have multiple orgasms, she can have multiple spankings what could I possibly say to that!
Today we were driving to a specific shop in an area we don't frequent that often. Have I mentioned just how terrible I am with anything remotely associated with maths of geography? I thought I knew where we were going but had the shop mixed up with another and said to Rick
Just as well you're driving
Yeah, who knows where we would end up with you driving
Double meaning anyone? We had a good laugh at that.
Speaking of driving ... to keep with my analogy of ttwd being like driving a stick shift, I liken it to changing great. Once you master taking off without bunny hopping you cruise along for a little while in first gear, then you pick up too much speed for first gear and have to shift to a higher gear. I guess that's what has happened here. It seems Rick has shifted into a higher gear. One that includes role affirmation. Wish me Luck!