I had to go to my parents and wouldn't be driving home again until after dark. They live some distance away and getting to them involves having to negotiate a notoriously dangerous stretch of road. My husband hates me driving to and from my parents alone and always worries when I do. I know this.
Whenever I am going to be driving anywhere, if he is not home when I leave or home when I return he expects me to text him when I leave home and when I arrive at my destination and vice versa when I return home. When it is my parents I am going to, he is even more adamant about it.
Well, I did text him to tell him I was leaving my parents to return home, but didn't text when I got home. Since it was dark, my Mother was also worried about me driving back home and had asked me to ring her when I got home so that she knew I was safe. This I did, but I failed to text Rick. It was fairly late when I arrived home and there were pets to be taken care of, washing to be taken care of etc so I launched into those chores instead. When we are apart I also have certain times by which I am meant to text him anyway. I guess I thought I'll just send him my usual text.
A little while later, after the chores were taken care of (hang my head in shame here) I went onto the computer reading blogs etc - still not having sent a text to my dear husband. The following text arrived from him
Hey babe, this is my I am a worried Hubby because I haven't heard from you text. Thought you would be home by now and would have got a text. Please text me right away if you can to tell me that you are ok.
I didn't see the text for a while and when I did my heart sunk. I knew he was really worried. I was in the middle of replying and he rung. Oh you are there, thank God! I've been worried sick. When I heard the anguish in his voice it was as though somebody had a vice grip on my heart squeezing all the life blood out of me. We spoke for a while and he said right now I'm just so relieved, but we will talk about this more later.
Friday night, Rick told me to go to the bedroom, get undressed, put my dressing gown on and wait for him. He came in and sat on the bed while I knelt in front on him. He explained that I knew just how much more deeply connected we were, that he had been out of his mind with worry with a thousand scenarios running through his mind. Wondering what he would do if anything had happened to me as he couldn't bear to be without me. Wondering what he would do if I didn't answer the phone. He also said realising just how much he needed me and couldn't be without me scared him.
He said he just couldn't understand why I would do that to him. I should have known just how much more he worries now and how much more protective he feels now we have such a deeper connection than ever before. He also said he felt hurt that I would do this to him. That I would ring my parents to let them know I was safe but not him and that it was thoughtless. He also pointed out that I knew he expected me to text when leaving and arriving home and had therefore also broken a rule. It should have been the first thing I did.
I'm going to give you something to show you just how hurt I am and how seriously I take this. Just how much I don't ever want this to happen again. It can't happen again. Stand up baby
He removed my dressing down, lay me over the bed and spanked me with the leather paddle. I have a love/hate relationship with that paddle depending on how it is used. It can be quite sexy and fun when used a certain way, but boy, when used to really drive a point home it really hurts - no fun at all!
He spanked with the paddle for a while then put it down. I then saw him removing his belt - OMG - he has never spanked me with the belt before! I had read comments on several blogs attesting to the evils of the belt and had felt secure in the knowledge it wasn't an implement my husband used - thank goodness I don't get that. I tried to swallow my immediate panic and steel myself for the blows.
After the belt came the wooden spoon - which is so dense it is rather like a wooden paddle and packs a mighty punch. The spanking continued with him alternating between the implements. During a pause in proceedings I reached my hand back to rub my poor backside.
Don't you dare rub
That earned me several more extra hard swats. He usually allows some rubbing (although usually after the spanking, not during!)
Afterwards, I told him I now knew without a doubt how serious he is about me, about us and TTWD and admitted that I did have doubts early on as to whether he would be able to carry out discipline. Of course, I also assured him that those doubts had long since dissipated - hey, I'm not that stupid! Ok, maybe I am because he assured me he was prepared to do anything it takes. To which I said ....
wait for it ....
So, after the spanking you've just given me, you wouldn't hesitate to spank me again tonight if I broke a rule or something
Absolutely. Yes, no hesitation
Yeah, Ok - that wasn't my smartest move because you know what? (cringe) we discovered a little later that I had, in fact, neglected to pay a bill ..... soo, it was back for another round. Otk this time, and thankfully not half as serious but on top of my already sore behind it made an impression.
Smack, Smack, Smack
You know this is your responsibility Roz
It was quite a defining and incredibly emotional moment for us, both in terms of husband stepping things up like never before and in lessons learnt and realisations made.
What did I learn?
- I learnt just how deeply my husband's protective feelings run
- I learnt that the texting rules we have (especially when out in the car) are very important to him and are about him knowing I am safe
- I learnt my husband will do whatever it takes
- I am at the point of 'fearing the spanking' - which in absolutely no way equates to fearing my husband.
I still feel mortified that I put my husband through all of that unnecessary worry and hurt. I honestly didn't realise just how deeply protective he was toward me and just how much he would worry. That is weak to say given I did know at the time he would worry. I wish I could go back and change things, but I can't. The great thing about TTWD is that the issue has been resolved and he has forgiven me. Although it is taking a little longer for me to forgive myself. I'll get there.
I am so thankful to have such a wonderful man who loves me so fully, who takes care of me and protects me and I am so grateful to him for leading us on this wonderful journey. I would never, ever want to put him through that again.
We have since found out that a woman drove off the road on that same stretch of road on the same night I was driving home from my parents and was not found (thankfully alive) under early the next morning.