Switching?

I've managed to make it half way through my first week back at work.  As predicted it was like I had never been away after 5 minutes there.  I was pounced upon as soon as I walked in the door on Monday and there's been no let up since.  No easy wind up for me this time with constant demands and people wanting things like yesterday.

I feel like I already want to crack some heads too!  Yeah, that's it ... I'll get em.  I'll ... Hang on a minute.  Scrappy!  What the heck are you doing here?  I thought I put you outside!  Sorry folks, will you give me a minute and I'll go and put him back outside where he belongs.

Right.  Back again.  I apologise for the rude interruption from my furry friend. I must have accidently let him in.  Oops!  Well, I'm assuming it was me because of course Rick NEVER lets him in.

Anyway, sorry about that.  Now where was I.  Oh that's right - work.

Rick had the opportunity today to hear me engaged in a profession discussion.  He politely stood back, waited for me and pretended not to listen (as one does).

Wow honey.  You sounded so authoritive.  You were in control

Oh really?

Yeah.  It was kind of hot.  Turned me on! grinning like a cheshire cat

NO.  No way! - Wait a minute - hmm could it be?

No. Surely not!

Could it be that switching is in our future?

Hmm.  I kinda like the thought of that!  But I really don't think that is going to happen any time soon.  Besides.  I think we are really much better like this

As a side note, I have been trying to reply to comments on my last two posts and managed to do some then blogger had a fit and just doesn't seem to want to let me do any more.  Argh!  I promise I will get to them as soon as blogger behaves!

Take care everyone :)

All Good Things Must Come To An End

 Did I get your attention?

Yes folks, it's all over.  The holidays I mean - sigh.  It's back to work again tomorrow and after this much time it's going to take some getting used to, but I expect as usual after about 5 minutes there it will feel as though I never left the place.

Sadly for me this means the only time I will really have for blogging and for chatting will be in the evenings, and of course there are other things to fit into that time as well.  I probably won't be able to post here as often (I can hear you sighing with relief LoL).  It also means that I may not get around to visiting everyone and commenting as much as I would like so I apologise in advance and hope you will forgive me.

I have really enjoyed being more active in blogland and interacting more with everyone here during the holidays and I'm sad that I'm not going to be able to spend as much time here.  Such is life I guess.

Rick and I have had a wonderful time over the holidays taking time out together and just enjoying being together.  As I've mentioned before, we have gone on a lot of 'dates' visiting favourite places, cafes, going on walks etc and exploring some new places.  It's been a great time of connection and I am really going to miss our dates.

Between going on our dates etc and spending far too much time in blogland (shush, don't tell Rick!) I have hardly done any of those pesky extra chores I usually do while on holidaay.  For once though, I'm not letting my OCD demons take over and stressing about it.  I figure they will still get done bit by bit.

We took some great photos while out on our dates and I thought I would share some with you.

Very Inspiring Blogger Award - Round 2

Wow!  I am once again honoured and humbled to have been nominated for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award.  This time by our good friends Ward and June.  Thank you so much for the nomination guys :)


The Rules

1. Display the award logo on your blog
2. Link back to the person who nominated you
3. State 7 things about yourself
4. Nominate 15 other bloggers for this award and link to them
5. Notify those other bloggers of the nomination and the award's requirements

7 Things About Me

I thought I would re-publish these from my original post (just in case you missed them :)

1. I am the youngest of 3 siblings - I have 2 elder brothers
2. I have a phobia of bees and wasps having been attacked by a swarm of bees as a child
3. I am a tea addict
4. I was born in the UK and our family emigrated to New Zealand when I was very young (hmm - that may explain the fact above LoL)
5. I am a talker.  When I was young my vocal chords grew too thick and I had to have surgery to thin them as it was affecting my ability to swallow etc. My family keeps telling me it happened due to over use!
6. In college (high school) I had to write a poem as a class assignment and it was one chosen by a major newspaper for publication.
7. I am blessed with a wonderful man in my life who never ceases to amaze me with his love and care of me (but you knew that one already :)

And since this is a fresh nomination here's 7 new things about me

1. I love peanut butter
2. I love watching medical dramas.  I drive Rick insane spouting medical jargon and making diagnoses as a result of the vast medical knowledge I gain from these shows LoL.  
3. I usually can't resist breaking into doing an Irish jig whenever I hear a particular song from The Boss (especially if I have been drinking!).  What's that you say?  What song from The Boss could possibly provoke this reaction?  Check out American Land
4. I wear glasses
5. I can't stand anyone playing with, or touching my toes.  A fact Rick sometimes uses to his advantage - grrr
6. I am a royalist.  I love the British royal family (well, I am British born)
7. I should have been cast in the Lord Of The Rings and Hobbit films as a Hobbit (how on earth did I miss that opportunity given all 6 films were filmed in New Zealand?

Nominations

Again, I am not going to nominate specific bloggers as you are all special and important to me.  Instead, I invite anyone who would like to share some fun facts about themselves in the comments to do so :)

The Saga Of The Overdue Bills

Yesterday I had that feeling of doom.  That awful feeling in the pit of my stomach.   You know the feeling I'm talking about.  The dreaded "I'm in so much trouble" feeling.  Sigh!

Yesterday afternoon I went to visit my parents who had just returned from an overseas trip.  I check the letter box as I left and saw...

This

Yep

Uh-Oh

Car insurance no less!  I was immediately filled with dread.  That meant we were no longer insured until the premium was paid which also left me feeling a little nervous in case anything should happen before the premium was paid.  The next thought was OMG, I'm so going to be in trouble!  You see, it is my responsibility to ensure bills are paid on time.  IT'S A RULE.

This is not like me.  I don't generally let bills fall overdue, although everybody does make mistakes occasionally.  Right?  It has happened occasionally and I have been spanked for it.  We are still on holiday at the moment.  Just.  Sadly, that's about to come to an end :(  I think my brain must have gone on holiday mode and I wasn't paying attention to some important matters ... like ... um ... bills!

I knew I had to tell Rick.  I also knew that I had to text him to let him know when I arrived at my parents.  You may recall from this post that to get to my parents involves travelling a notorious piece of road and he worries about me when I drive it on my own.  If you recall this post, you may also remember what happened the last time I failed to advise my husband that I had returned safe and sound from my parents.

Once I got to my parents I sent him just a quick text to let him know I was there.  A little while later I sent another text checking in and told him about the bill.  I also said that I would check the other bills when I got home.  We sent text messages back and forth every now and then for the rest of the afternoon and he said nothing about the overdue insurance.  I wasn't sure if I was going to be in trouble or not.

When I got home I checked the rest of the bills and guess what I found?

Yep

Another one!

EEK!

Not only that, I also knew there was another bill due that day that had to be paid.  I knew I had to tell him I had found yet another now outstanding bill, and one that was due that day.  Sigh!  My goose was cooked.  I was doomed.  My buns were going to be well toasted.

With great trepidation I sent another text telling him I had found yet another overdue bill and that one also needed to be paid that day.  I was swiftly told I had better pay them which I immediately did.

What was the outcome of all of this?  Ok, what you really want to know is did I get spanked?

He told me he was not at all happy with the second bill, especially on top of the car insurance.  He understood that being on holiday probably put me out of step.  However, that really is no excuse and that it is my responsibility and I need to pay attention and do better.  Oh, he said a bit more than that.  I received a full Rick sized lecture.  Did I ever tell you he is the king of the lecture?  Luckily for me, I did not get spanked.  I was given grace.

Phew!  That was one close call.  I will definitely be paying for attention from now on!

Very Inspiring Blogger Award

I am most honoured and humbled to have been nominated by Pocahontas for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award with the following wonderful compliment.

"So the bloggers I have nominated are ones that have in some way left a lasting impression on me.  Each in their own way has helped John and I to form our own version of ttwd.  To them I an ever grateful for their willingness to open their hearts and minds, to pour out their life to help others.  These men and women have taken the time to answer blogs or chat or talk on the phone to pull me back from the brink of quitting.  Thank you!  It just doesn't seen adequate."

Thank you P for your lovely words :)


The Rules

1. Display the award logo on your blog
2. Link back to the person who nominated you
3. State 7 things about yourself
4. Nominated 15 other bloggers for this award and link to them
5. Notify those other bloggers of the nomination and the award's requirements

7 (boring) Things About Me

1. I am the youngest of 3 siblings - I have 2 elder brothers
2. I have a phobia of bees and wasps having been attacked by a swarm of bees as a child
3. I am a tea addict
4. I was born in the UK and our family emigrated to New Zealand when I was very young (hmm - that may explain the fact above LoL)
5. I am a talker.  When I was young my vocal chords grew too thick and I had to have surgery to thin them as it was affecting my ability to swallow etc. My family keeps telling me it happened due to over use!
6. In college (high school) I had to write a poem as a class assignment and it was one chosen by a major newspaper for publication.
7. I am blessed with a wonderful man in my life who never ceases to amaze me with his love and care of me (but you knew that one already :)

Nominations

I am going to bend the rules here.  Ok, break the rules (because I'm not always good with rules :)

I am not going to nominate specific bloggers as you are all special and important to me.  Instead, I invite anyone who would like to share some fun facts about themselves in the comments to do so :)

Peeling Back The Layers

Firstly, I want to say a huge thank you for your lovely comments on my last post. This was a wonderful moment and holds a very special meaning for us and your comments made it feel even more special.  We were both very touched. Rick commented to me that it was like our blog friends were our guests at our event ..... to the after party that is of course :)

In my last post I also mentioned I have an issue I am struggling to come to grips with right now.  That issue is vulnerability.

I hear a lot in this community about the process of peeling back the layers.  Opening our hearts fully to our husband/HoH and being truly vulnerable with him.  I have never allowed myself to become fully vulnerable to anybody before so I don't know what that feels and looks like.  How do you know when you have reached that point?

Rick tells me all the time he is proud of my efforts in submitting to him and is happy with how I am doing.  Except, I feel as though I am not "there" yet.  What is "there" anyway?  and do we ever fully get "there"?

We have come a long way and we had grown, both individually and as a couple, but I know we have a lot further to go.  Much more to learn.  I don't know if we ever stop growing, learning and evolving in TTWD and I think that's a good thing.

I feel as though I can give my husband more, but don't know how to go about it. I'm not sure if I'm building walls or putting up barriers as such, but I do feel as though I am holding something back for me and withholding it from him.  Almost as though there is some blockage in me preventing me from allowing myself to become totally vulnerable to him.  Is it my way of attempting to retain some control?  I don't know.  Maybe.  Is it a self protection mechanism?  Maybe.

We both know when I am feeling submissive.  There are external signs from me.  I constantly go for cuddles and I have a habit of constantly picking up his hand (yes, usually the spanking one) and kissing it.  It's funny, since starting TTWD I've become fascinated with his hands, along with his belt - which I am always praying stays around his waist!

When I am feeling submissive, I tell him that I am feeling "squiffy".  My own term meaning all soft and gooey and mushy.  I love it and I'm at my happiest when I am feeling squiffy.  

I find it hard to emotionally let go and allow myself to be totally vulnerable during or directly after any spanking.  Most of the time I don't cry.  At least, more than a trickle. The emotion is there inside but for some reason, it won't release.  Of course, that doesn't mean the spanking doesn't serve it's purpose because it does.  Not releasing the emotions fully leaves me feeling somewhat unresolved and a little frustrated sometimes.  

Sometimes an emotional reaction to the spanking will hit me out of blue some hours later, but again, I never fully let it go and allow myself to be fully vulnerable.

This of course, isn't only about spanking.  I generally don't feel as though I am being totally vulnerable with my husband and I wonder if the inability to let go during spankings is an affect of this.  

I have told Rick this and he said it is making him wonder what he should or could be doing to help me open up more and allow myself to become more vulnerable.  I honestly don't know.  This is something that must come from within me and it's something I desperately want to give him. He is the love of my life and I trust him with my heart.

Maybe I am just over thinking this.  As I said at the beginning, how do I tell when I have reached that point when this is so new to me?  Perhaps I already have?

"Collared"

I am struggling with an issue relating to my submission at the moment and plan to post about that, but not right now.  At the moment I am trying to formulate my thoughts.

For now, I want to tell you about last night.

In this post, I mentioned that we had purchased a pendant together.  A 'collar' if you will.  This pendant is a representation of us and our love and also a symbol of Rick's dominance.  That I am his and a reminder of that fact when we are apart.

We planned to set some 'us' time aside to focus on us, our relationship, enjoy each other and during this time he would put the pendant around my neck, effectively 'collaring' me.  I had thought this would happen last weekend but circumstances didn't in the end permit this to happen.  Also, I wasn't quite in the right head space for it ... a-hem ... as evidenced by my previous post.  Righto, lets move on shall we?  Yes? Good.

We ended up having our little 'collaring ceremony' last night.  I was a little nervous because I was pretty sure this would include a role affirmation spanking.  I hadn't been spanked for quite a while ... because I'm such an angel (shush, don't remind me of my previous post!).

Rick told me to go to the bedroom, get undressed and wait for him.  I rather hesitantly went because I hate being naked.  He does this because it makes me feel so much more submissive and vulnerable.

He came in and held me and told me we would indeed, start off with some affirmation.  He then proceeded to tell me how much I mean to him, how important my submission and his dominance is to us and how proud he is of my efforts and that this was to reinforce our roles.  When the time came I didn't want to go over the bed, I clung onto him instead.  Partly because I wanted to delay the inevitable but mostly because I needed to feel his embrace and needed his reassurance at that point.  He held me for a while soothed me, reassured me everything would be alright then guided me across the end of the bed and half lay down with me for a while rubbing my back.

Then the spanking began.  It wasn't overly hard although it was definitely stingy.  He talked to me throughout about how it is his job to lead and mine to follow, how I am his etc.  Then he stopped and rubbed my back again for a while after which he told me he was going to administer a spanking to clear the air and give us a clean slate to go forward with.  A kind of cleansing I suppose.  I reached my hand out at this point to find his.  I needed the reassurance and physical contact.  He held my hand while he spanked.  It wasn't easy to get through and it didn't take long until a trickle of tears came.  He stopped before that trickle became a river and lay down beside me for a while, still holding my hand.  Overall, the entire spanking didn't actually last that long.

I then sat on his lap while he proceeding to explain again the purpose of the pendant and told me again that the plain side represents him, the 'pretty' side represents me and the Sapphire heart represents our two hearts coming together.

He reassured me of his love for me and told me how proud he is that I am his.  He spoke to me for quite a while before finally putting the pendant around my neck.  His words were the most beautiful and  eloquent words I have ever heard.  I was speechless for a while, wondering what I had done to deserve such a wonderful, loving caring man who has such a deep love for me.  It never ceases to amaze me that I have someone who loves and cares about me so deeply ... but that kind of talk tends to get me in trouble so moving right along.

At some point I moved from his lap to my knees on the floor in front of him with my head in his lap. When he finished talking he finally said "I think It's time" and with little further ado, placed the pendant around my neck.  It is to be worn at all times and not taken off without the permission of my husband, except for when I go to bed and when I have a shower.

After our little 'ceremony' we had a lovely dinner together, shared a bottle of wine and relaxed talking and listening to soft romantic music.  We then headed to bed for a different kind of connection :)

It was a wonderful, romantic, emotionally charged night and a night of real connection.  Today I wear the pendant or 'collar' with great pride and I know I will continue to do so in the days ahead.  There is also something yummy knowing it is visible to the outside world but only we know what it truly represents.

Below is a picture of the pendant now in it's 'rightful place'.

As a side note, my husband was mucking around with the camera after taking this picture took a picture of his hand ... yes, the spanking hand.  The photo kind of looked as though the hand was in mid action so he said I should post it and say it was taken by 'butt cam'.  Did I tell you he can be a very funny guy?