Checking In

I'm  not exactly sure where I am going with this post.  I just feel a need to connect with my blog family. So ... here I am :)

As I write I am listening to the howling wind and hail falling outside.  We are in the middle of another icy spell with gale force damaging winds, rain/hail/sleet and a temperature only a couple of notches above zero degrees Celsius.

But .. you don't really want to hear about the weather so I'll move on :)

Last week was a real roller coaster of emotions for me.  I'll admit, losing Bas has hit me a lot harder than I actually thought it might.  Of course, we were also all praying for little Emily and Ana's cousin's baby at the same time.  It all felt a bit much.  I am so thrilled and relieved that Emily is now home with her family.

I am incredibly fortunate that Rick understands just how much this community and the people within in mean to me.  How attached we become to our blog friends.  I am fortunate too that he is personally involved in this blog, and in this community. In fact, every post is approved by him prior to publication.

When I told him about Bas' passing he was there for me.  Ready with a cuddle and soothing words.  I know he also felt sad.  As I mentioned, he reads every post I write and also sees the comments.  I know he looked forward to reading comments from Bas as much as I did.  In fact, there were times he would bring a comment from Bas to my attention accompanied with a 'look' and sometimes the words "there you go", or "that's you told" LoL.  An HoH's unite thing maybe? LoL

Last weekend I felt the need to connect with some blog friends and also wanted to check in with people and see how they were feeling so I logged in to chat.  A number of you saw me there and messaged me to see how I was.  You know who you are and I want you to know how grateful I am to you for reaching out to me.  It was a great source of comfort to turn to my blog family and connect with some of you.  I ended up chatting with a number of friends into the wee small (or not so small!) hours of Sunday morning  Again, Rick understood my need to connect and allowed me to stay on line so late.  Sunday we went for a drive and visited a favourite cafe.

When Monday arrived I was completely exhausted, both physically and mentally.  I think it was a combination of not enough sleep and all the emotion.  I went to work and had a very emotional day (not that my colleagues knew it) and was also unable suddenly to cope with tasks I usually handle with relative ease day in day out.

Rick came to my rescue and took me out to lunch.  He was super gentle with me and supportive and soothing.  He let me talk about Bas, about Emily, about anything I needed to get off my chest.  I was able to get through the rest of afternoon a lot better.  We both knew one thing I desperately needed was rest so he made sure I was in bed a lot earlier most nights last week.

The rest of the week was progressively better as I slowly was able to get back onto a more even keel emotionally.  Last night we had a quiet night in enjoying each others company, listening to music etc and then making some music of our own later on :) Rick even decided to forgo role affirmation.  Yay me!

I am so thankful and grateful to my wonderful loving man.  He truly was my rock over the last week.  He was supportive and very gentle. He allowed me to express my thoughts and feelings and generally talk things through.

The other day I thanked him for being there for me and told him I wanted him to know how much it had meant to me.  His response was that he was glad, that was what he wanted to hear because that is what Daddy's do for their little girls.  I was also curious so I asked if he thought I have become more open and vulnerable and he said yes and again, that was what he is here for.  To encourage and cherish my vulnerability and also to protect me.

I am also so thankful and grateful to all of you.  My blog family.  It never ceases to amaze me just how wonderful this community is and how we support each other.  I never imagined how closely connected I could become to people I have never met in person.