A Shaky Week and a Reset

This past week has been a trial to say the least.  Last Friday I went to work, exited the elevator on my floor and got to my desk just as a fairly large earthquake hit. Everyone dived under desks.  It was sizable and seemed to last a while.  Once the dust settled we emerged from under our desks and shared a collective nervous laugh.  We then went on line to check the magnitude etc and discovered the epicentre was about 40 kilometres away from us and that it had been shallow.  I can't remember the magnitude now.

Since then the quakes have not stopped and they are still continuing, although many not felt by us.  Sunday morning we were woken by a magnitude 5.5 quake. It's epicentre was the same location as previous and again, it was shallow.  This time we knew there would be aftershocks and Sunday evening it happened.  A magnitude 6.5 shake which was again shallow.  It was, I think the most frightening experience I have ever had.  It was awful and scary.  It seemed to go on for a while and felt as though it was intensifying in strength all the while.  By this time I was feeling the fear.  I couldn't, and still cant help but dwell on the fact that the bigger quakes seem to be getting bigger!

Monday morning came and the authorities asked people to stay out of the city so that buildings could be checked etc.  Public transport had also ground to a halt.  So, Monday was an enforced day at home.  Faced with this situation what is a girl to do?  That's right ... I figured since I couldn't go to work due to earthquakes, it would be a good time to jump on the small step ladder and clean the inside of some windows and wash the nets! LoL.  Oh shut up ... I know!  Not my finest hour.

Tuesday morning public transport had returned to normal and we were given the go ahead to re-enter our building.  With much trepidation about re-entering the city in case another quake should hit I went to my car to leave for work and ... Nothing! Dead battery!  This, I did not need on top of the stress and fear I was already feeling.  I made it to work and discovered there were no elevators in operation.

It was a nervous and stressful week for everyone and also having to use the stairs for the majority of the week added to the feeling of things not being normal, as well has having contractors around repairing minor damage.

On top of everything else, I was also stressing over an appointment I was meant to have last week that needed to be cancelled and still also worried whether my car battery would keep loosing charge on me or not.  Thankfully, so far it has been behaving since we charged it.

It was a strange week at work in many ways.  Everyone was still fearful and talking about the quake and it didn't help that they were continuing.  Most unnoticed by us but we kept feeling the ground move every now and then.  There were also other events which occurred which were unusual.  I also had to provide support and a shoulder to a colleague who was having a particularly tough day and became emotional.

All of this means that I have been feeling wrung out and scared.  I am still very fearful.  These quakes are continuing as I write.

Ok ... now that I've bored you with the vanilla details LOL I will get to the part of the story you came here for :)

I have been feeling like a tightly wound ball of emotion recently.  It feels as though my emotions are there bubbling under the surface waiting to spill over at any moment.  Thinking about it, I think I've been feeling like this since we heard of Bas' passing.  We have talked about this and also wonder whether it is attributable to the increased vulnerability that comes with this lifestyle.

Helping my colleague last week left me feeling emotional.  It was as though I was taking on her emotions.  Rick took me to lunch that day and we had a lovely time together.  I told him I felt silly for feeling so soppy.  Why am I like this etc.  He told me he loved that I had reached out to someone and that I had cared and what he saw was a very feminine woman who he loved.

Last night Rick decided after the trying week it was time to get back to normal. Role affirmation was therefore called for.  I responded with my usual try hard protest and was quickly sent to the bedroom to undress and kneel waiting for him.

Rick came into the room, walked over to me and started stroking my hair.  He told me how he loves my submission to him and that I belong to him etc.  He then stood me up, stepped back and looked at me.  After gesturing for me to turn around, whereupon he landed a couple of swats for good measure, he told me he was inspecting what was his, and that he liked what he saw.

Hmm, lets weigh you

WTF?  No way!! (I didn't actually say this of course.  I'm not that stupid!)

Where are the scales

He retrieved the scales put them in front of me and told me to hop on.

Lets put an end to this nonsense

I have been complaining for a while that I feel that I have been bad with snacking and not eating as healthily this year and that I was putting on weight.  Well, according to the scales ... no extra pounds .. yippee!  I thought that was a very brave move on his part.  I it could have gone either way!  I told him so afterwards and said You must have been fairly sure of the outcome.  He teased me that had if have gone the other way he would have lied, but then that yes he had been sure.  He knows what he sees.

There.  I don't want to hear anymore of this nonsense

After that he led me to the bed and gently pushed me down.

Right.  Lets turn that pretty little bottom pink

With that he retrieved the leather paddle.  I don't know what it is with this paddle but for some reason I don't seem to tolerate it like I used to.  He started with hard swats straight away.  It didn't take long before tears were threatening.  He paused and gently said "tears are good" before resuming another set. In short order the tears stated.  He stretched out next to me

Tears are good.  Let it out baby girl.  That's it

With that the tears really started and he threw down the paddle and rubbed my back.  All the while encouraging me to cry it out.  He then pulled me onto his lap and cradled and shushed me.

I'm scared Daddy

I know baby.  What?  Bas?  Earthquakes?

Earthquakes I think.  I dunno

I'm here baby

The spanking was very quick.  I think we both knew that it wouldn't take much for my emotions to spill over.  The time on his lap talking afterwards was wonderful and intimate.  He told me that his aim had been to get me to release some of the emotion and we did some more talking.  We don't spank for stress release or relief. Although this was essentially for role affirmation, I think it was also our first release spanking.

To those of you on contacted me over the last week via email or chat.  I would like to thank you for the bottom of my heart.  Knowing you were thinking of us and your well wishes meant so much and was a great comfort to me.

A Bonanza Spanking

First I want to say thank you for the wonderful comments I received on my previous post. I am happy to say I am feeling so much better, thanks to the support of my ever loving and supportive and long suffering man and my wonderful blog friends. This community never ceases to amaze me.  I was truly touched by the support I received.

I am also happy to report that the weather has improved quite a bit since my last post.  We have had some nice blue sky days and the temperature has risen by quite a few degrees, although still quite cold.  I'm wondering how long it will last!

On a lighter note.  I  have mentioned in some previous meme's that Rick enjoys watching re-runs of old shows.

Hands up if you remember, or have heard of the TV show Bonanza.  It was a western that ran from 1965 to 1973.  Rick was watching an episode the other week and was very surprised to see this scene.

If the video doesn't work here is the link

Take care all and I hope everyone has a wonderful time this weekend.  Yes, I know I'm a little early, but it's almost Friday for me :)

Checking In

I'm  not exactly sure where I am going with this post.  I just feel a need to connect with my blog family. So ... here I am :)

As I write I am listening to the howling wind and hail falling outside.  We are in the middle of another icy spell with gale force damaging winds, rain/hail/sleet and a temperature only a couple of notches above zero degrees Celsius.

But .. you don't really want to hear about the weather so I'll move on :)

Last week was a real roller coaster of emotions for me.  I'll admit, losing Bas has hit me a lot harder than I actually thought it might.  Of course, we were also all praying for little Emily and Ana's cousin's baby at the same time.  It all felt a bit much.  I am so thrilled and relieved that Emily is now home with her family.

I am incredibly fortunate that Rick understands just how much this community and the people within in mean to me.  How attached we become to our blog friends.  I am fortunate too that he is personally involved in this blog, and in this community. In fact, every post is approved by him prior to publication.

When I told him about Bas' passing he was there for me.  Ready with a cuddle and soothing words.  I know he also felt sad.  As I mentioned, he reads every post I write and also sees the comments.  I know he looked forward to reading comments from Bas as much as I did.  In fact, there were times he would bring a comment from Bas to my attention accompanied with a 'look' and sometimes the words "there you go", or "that's you told" LoL.  An HoH's unite thing maybe? LoL

Last weekend I felt the need to connect with some blog friends and also wanted to check in with people and see how they were feeling so I logged in to chat.  A number of you saw me there and messaged me to see how I was.  You know who you are and I want you to know how grateful I am to you for reaching out to me.  It was a great source of comfort to turn to my blog family and connect with some of you.  I ended up chatting with a number of friends into the wee small (or not so small!) hours of Sunday morning  Again, Rick understood my need to connect and allowed me to stay on line so late.  Sunday we went for a drive and visited a favourite cafe.

When Monday arrived I was completely exhausted, both physically and mentally.  I think it was a combination of not enough sleep and all the emotion.  I went to work and had a very emotional day (not that my colleagues knew it) and was also unable suddenly to cope with tasks I usually handle with relative ease day in day out.

Rick came to my rescue and took me out to lunch.  He was super gentle with me and supportive and soothing.  He let me talk about Bas, about Emily, about anything I needed to get off my chest.  I was able to get through the rest of afternoon a lot better.  We both knew one thing I desperately needed was rest so he made sure I was in bed a lot earlier most nights last week.

The rest of the week was progressively better as I slowly was able to get back onto a more even keel emotionally.  Last night we had a quiet night in enjoying each others company, listening to music etc and then making some music of our own later on :) Rick even decided to forgo role affirmation.  Yay me!

I am so thankful and grateful to my wonderful loving man.  He truly was my rock over the last week.  He was supportive and very gentle. He allowed me to express my thoughts and feelings and generally talk things through.

The other day I thanked him for being there for me and told him I wanted him to know how much it had meant to me.  His response was that he was glad, that was what he wanted to hear because that is what Daddy's do for their little girls.  I was also curious so I asked if he thought I have become more open and vulnerable and he said yes and again, that was what he is here for.  To encourage and cherish my vulnerability and also to protect me.

I am also so thankful and grateful to all of you.  My blog family.  It never ceases to amaze me just how wonderful this community is and how we support each other.  I never imagined how closely connected I could become to people I have never met in person.

Farewell To A Dear Friend

You honoured us with your presence and touched our hearts deeply.  Our lives are so much richer for having known you.  Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life and for enriching mine.

Goodbye my dear friend.  Rest in peace.

Our deepest condolences to Lisa and family, our thoughts are with you.  May you find peace, strength and comfort.

More Prayers and Hugs Needed

Please join me in sending positive thoughts, healing energy, prayers and lots of bear hugs to little Emily, who is back in ICU and her family and to our dear friend Bas, Lisa and Family.  Also to Ana,  her cousin and 5 month old little boy who is fighting for his life and family

Happy 4th of July

Wishing our American friends Happy 4th of July!

Hope you have a wonderful day and enjoy the celebrations!

Ladies, I couldn't resist this guy :)

Spankus Interruptus and Community

So Rick decided a little role affirmation was due Saturday night.  Overdue in fact. Life had gotten in the way a little and we were starting to distance a little.  Plus, Scrappy was starting to come out to play. Oh, yeah, there might just have been a couple of minor rules breaks too.

I went to the bedroom, undressed and kneeled waiting for him.  As has become his modus operendi recently.  Have I mentioned I hate being naked and kneeling?  It makes me feel so exposed and vulnerable.  Which, I suppose is exactly why he insists on it.  I digress.

After a few minutes when he knew I would be in position, Rick walked in and started talking to me while stroking my hair.  He asked me how I was feeling.  How connected and how submissive I was feeling etc.  We talked for a while then he stood me up, we cuddled then he started to position me over the end of the bed ....

Bang, bang, bang, bang

S*** What was that?

Exasperated look from me

Is that someone at the door?

Uh-ha

Get dressed quick in case

I went to get dressed and could hear Rick talking to the 'visitors'.  The voices didn't sound familiar so I knew it wasn't friends, neighbours or family.  I soon heard the door close and Rick was back in the bedroom.  I looked at him quizzically.

Members of the LDS church

Seriously?  Now?!

I told them I was in the middle of something with my girl

You did not!

Big grin

Damn, now I've lost my mojo

Lets just say, it didn't take him long to re-discover his mojo and the spanking soon began with earnest.  Thank goodness they knocked on the door when they did and lot a few minutes later!

We continued with some 'play time' later on and I was once again naked and kneeling.  This time with my hands bound and blindfolded ... that's all I'm sayin about that :)

For my 'friends' who commented on my earlier post wanting to hear about Rick's new belt and how it felt compared to the old one.  The belt did come into play during RA but not with the usual intensity and he was also 'applying' it in a different manner than usual.  (He said something about breaking it in .. humph!). That means it is difficult to compare the two from a pain perspective.  I can say though that it felt quite different to the older belt.  Much thuddier.

.................

Onto more serious matters.  I have been both amazed and saddened by the recent goings on in our little corner of blogland.  The level of support for little Emily and Jim and Christina has been truly incredible.  This is where this community shines. We support, comfort and encourage each other and when one of us is in need, we all rally.  That is community.

I am saddened by the impact 'that article' has had on blogland.  We have lost several bloggers while some have elected to make their blogs private and others have retained their blogs but indicated they will likely not be posting or commenting much in future.

I understand that the article itself is not the reason for some having made the decisions regarding their blogs that they have and I firmly believe that each of us has to do what is right for ourselves and our families.  I do believe though, that the article has been the catalyst for many of us examining our place and our existence within this community and causing some to be nervous of their participation in it. This is of course, a perfectly natural and completely understandable reaction.  As I said above, we all have to do what we feel is right for ourselves and our families.  I just hate to think that this article may be the catalyst for some deciding to leave this community.  I worry in particular that this attention may cause new bloggers to second guess their decision to blog and their presence in this community.

The thought that this article may possible cause some couples to second guess the choice they have made to live this lifestyle concerns me.  Particularly those new to ttwd. I sincerely hope this is not the case.  We choose this lifestyle and know that it works for us.  That is what matters.

Take the naysayers and Rita Skeeter's with a grain of salt. In my opinion, unless you are in this lifestyle, I think it is almost impossible to fully appreciate and understand it.  In particular how it is not abusive.  Unless you live this lifestyle, I think it is impossible to understand the many ways in which is enriches relationships and the positive benefits to be gained, both on a individual basis and as a couple.

Hang tight my friends.  Hopefully this will pass soon and blogland can return to normal.