Flexing our Dom/sub Muscle

Some of you noticed that this post appeared the other day and then suddenly disappeared again just as quickly.  I received a few emails asking me about this phenomenon.  The truth is, I accidental hit the publish button before I had finalised the post.  My bad!

I apologise for the confusion and extend my thanks to those of you who emailed.  I truly appreciate you checking in with me.

I feel as though this post is a little rambling and if you saw it go up the other day and have been waiting for me to repost it, I'm afraid it probably wasn't worth the wait LoL.  Anyway, I'll get on with it shall I? ... Good idea Roz! ... did I hear you say? Alrighty then.

There has been some talk lately around submission exercises and the things we do in general to reinforce our roles in ttwd.

I got to thinking there are quite a few things that Rick and I do to enforce our roles within our dynamic, so I decided to jot a few of them down here.  As I was writing this post I was actually quite surprised at the number of things we do.

Some of these are rules and some of them have another purpose as well as being an exercise in flexing our Dom/sub muscles.

You may not like some of these things or agree with them, but they work for us.

One big change we made a while ago that I haven't yet shared here is that Rick is my Daddy.  He loves me, cares for me, protects and corrects me.  So yes, he is my Daddy.

For us this is a term only.  It does not denote a change in our Dd dynamic.  I still use his given name and all the usual endearments but alongside this I also call him Daddy.  Particularly when responding to a lecture, discipline or requesting permission for something.

I won't pretend it didn't feel strange at first, because it sure did.  But, I have to say, nothing pushes my submission button more than uttering that word.  It also fuels his masculinity and inner Dom.  Also, I have always been his good girl and have heard those words a lot, but I hear them more now that I call him Daddy.  Again, nothing pushes my submission button more than hearing those words.

Just as it felt strange to say it in the beginning, it also feels strange at the moment to write it here.

I have seen these on Ward and June's blog and just love them.  June was kind enough to send them to me.  Thank you June :)

While I am on the subject of words, there is a huge power in our choice of words and how we choose to say them.  When he asks or directs me to do something, or issues an instruction, rather than say "ok", I now try and say "yes Daddy".  To me it projects a more submissive mindset.  I'll do it because you told me to, whereas "ok" could mean I'll go along with you because I happen to agree.

On the same theory, when seeking permission for something I endeavour to ask "may I" rather than "can I" because of course I can.

I can't take credit for these particular examples.  They were inspired by June and by Cathie Cookie.  Thank you ladies for the inspiration.  The subtle change in choice of words has definitely had an impact in my feelings of submissiveness.  By the same token though, at times when I'm not feeling my most submissive I sometimes choke on the words LoL.

Regular readers here would know about my 'collar'.  It is a symbol of our roles. Wearing it reminds me of my submission and for him, seeing it reminds him that I am his.

Rick is king of this castle.  He decides what goes on within the castle walls and he likes to be made to feel as though he is king of his castle.  Therefore, we have several what I might call at home rules.

One of these is that I do not turn on television, music, the computer or anything else without permission when we are spending time together.  I am not allowed to touch any remotes in fact without permission, even to mute the pesky ads or adjust volume.  I have to either ask him to do it, or ask his permission to do so myself.  Sometimes he will ease off on this rule though and allow me control of the remotes.

He chooses what we watch, listen to etc.  This does not mean I don't have a choice or a say however.  Far from it.  He always asks what I want to do or watch or listen to etc and most often, that it what we end up doing.  Of course, sometimes he decides he can think of other things he would much prefer us to be doing :)

During evenings when we are relaxing together I quite often find myself sitting on the floor between his legs with my head on his thigh.  He will gently play with my hair, or rub my back.  I also keep an eye to ensure he is catered for.  For example, when his drink is finished, I will get up and get him another straight away.

During these times, if I want to get up and leave the room for any reason, even just to go to the bathroom I tell him what I am doing first rather than just getting up and leaving him.  I do this because  when we started ttwd he told me that he thought sudden disappearances on my part were rude, and perhaps disrespectful. He also shows me the same courtesy.

Of course, there is perhaps no better place than the bedroom to flex our Dom/sub muscles.  One of our rules is that I get undressed for bed down to my underwear and stand by his side of the bed.  I do not get into bed until he invites me to do so. He will look at me, take in my body, talk to me.  This is quite often when he will tell me what things he has noticed that he likes, and what things he would like to see an improvement in.  He always uses this time to reaffirm his love for me.  This is usually followed by him inviting me into bed and finding another way to show his dominance :)  I find this particularly humbling and it certainly makes me feel submissive.  I am still not entirely used to the feeling of being on display (so to speak).

The things I have outlined above are things we do when we are together that really help us to embrace our roles.  But what about when we are apart?

Some of the general rules we have revolve around me seeking his agreement before I do certain things. For example, if I am contemplating a spend.  Knowing that I still need to seek his permission, whether he is here or not reminds me of my submission to him.  I always have to stop and think before acting.  What would Daddy think?  Is this something I need to ask Daddy about?

We also have strict times by which I am to text or ring him to check in.  This mostly speaks to his protectiveness.  He needs to make sure I am OK and safe.  Also, if he is away at night, because I am so terrible about going to bed (no comment please Willie and Susie!) he will text or ring to instruct me to go to bed. Fortunately for me, he is also a night owl, but not quite as bad as I am if left to my own devices.

Does all of this mean that we end every day like this?

Are we always on our game? Always 'in the groove' with ttwd?

Hell no!  Like everyone else we struggle.  Life gets in the way sometimes and there are times our dynamic takes a back seat.  But all of these things certainly help us to keep the focus on our dynamic.

By the way, Rick says we'll be doing role affirmation tomorrow.  Oh yay!  Can you tell how submissive I'm feeling right now? LoL