Monday, 3 September 2012

Missing My Man and "Neediness"

My husband was away this past weekend and I missed him terribly.  He is my soul mate, my rock and I felt like a big part of me was missing.

Since starting DD we communicate more about our feelings.  Everything is so much more intimate and close and the connection we have is strong.  We were good at communicating our feelings and had an amazing connection prior to DD but it is so much more enhanced now.

All these things are wonderful benefits of ttwd.  However, the flip side of course, is that it makes any separation so much harder.

Also, since DD, in giving him my submission and embracing his leadership I feel so much more feminine but also a great deal of vulnerability.  I just feel more.  The closeness and connection we share is powerful and can be downright overwhelming at times.  

I worry that this vulnerability makes me emotionally 'needy'.  Then I worry about whether this 'neediness' places extra pressure and stress on him.  I mean, he already has the responsibility of leadership, including being the ultimate decision maker right?


  1. I certainly understand this feeling. I get annoyed with myself for feeling that way, but then he reminds me how much he loves it. He wants to have me lean on him, because he wants to be there for me.

    He explains it to me this way, that he feels a certain "ownership" of me, not like I am owned, but that he alone can care for me, he welcomes both the responsibility and the privilage.

    He has taken on the role of my authority, and it comes with taking on the care of my emotions as well.

    I think its natural for them.

    1. Thanks so much Stormy. I get annoyed with myself too. My husband tells me he loves the fact that I am more feminine and loves my vulnerability and thrives on taking care of me and my emotions.

      I have my moments where I get overcome with my emotions (happy emotions) and snuggle into him and cling on tight and don't want to let go. I tell him I am feeling 'squiffy' and he loves that!

      I get annoyed with myself because even though I know he loves it, I sometimes still worry that I am too 'needy'. Go figure!

  2. I know it "feels" this way Roz, but talk to him. Mine is totally okay with this kind of responsibility. He doesn't see it as needy as all and taking care of my emotions is something he really enjoys. Go figure...

    If it helps any, he has to remind me of this all the time, b/c I feel the same way as you. I feel so "high maintenance."

    1. Thank you Susie, yes, it definitely does feel this way at times. I have mentioned to him that I sometimes worry about being too needy. In fact, I've probably mentioned it so often I wouldn't be surprised if he tells me I'll get spanked the next time I ask if I'm too needy! (Honey, you won't read this, right??)

      It is silly I know as he has told me that he loves my vulnerability and taking care of me and that he thrives on it and doesn't see it as needy. Yet, I do sometimes still worry that I am placing an extra burden on him.

      Complex creatures we Women aren't we? At least, he tells me we are Lol

  3. I can completely relate to what you are feeling. The idea that I might become just another thing he has to take care of crossed my mind a great deal.
    I am not a big talker to Ian about Dd, but I am constantly observing him.:) He doesn't act like I am needy or that he is burdened. His masculinity is so much more evident, he is protective and loving in a way that wasn't there before. He runs to grab things I am carrying or when something breaks down in the house he attacks it like it personally offended me.
    I agree with Stormy and Susie, I think it is the nature of the HoH man, and they embrace it.

    1. Thanks Lillian, R's masculinity is so much more evident now too and he is also more protective and loving.

      He has really embraced the HoH role and I know he loves that I have become more feminine and my vulnerability and that he wants me to come to him with my emotions. I know that he thrives on taking care of me, yet, even though I know this, I still can't help by worry sometimes whether I am becoming too needy. Silly I know!

      BTW, congrats on your new blog. I love reading your posts, you have a great style :)

  4. Hi Roz! I just discovered your blog, and I'm glad I did. I think it's great :) When I have a little more time, I'm going to come back and read from the beginning.

    I understand what you're saying. I have worried too that maybe I'm just another chore on Blue's already long list. He says he doesn't see it that way though, and that he loves it because it makes him feel like he's just doing what comes natural and it just feels right. Honestly, I do believe men are just hardwired to be the leader and to guide us, if we will only allow them to.

    1. Hi Cowgirl, Welcome. Thank you so much for your comment, I appreciate it and am glad you like the blog :)

      Congrats on your blog too! You do a great job and have posed some really interesting questions as well.

      I think you're right, our men are hardwired to lead and guide us. I know my man loves taking care of me and my vulnerability and wants me to lean on him. Yet, I still sometimes worry that I am placing an extra burden on him!