Taking Self Responsibility

I am grumpy.  I am tired, grumpy and pretty frustrated with myself right now.

If you have read previous posts then you know getting enough rest and going to bed at a reasonable enough hour is a big problem for me.  You will also know that this recently got me into some major trouble.

Since landing myself in hot water ....  or should I say, with hot buns, I have been careful to ensure I have not gone to bed late enough to get me in trouble again, and I have definitely gone to bed when told on nights when he is away (obviously, this is not a problem when he's home), as opposed to maybe an hour or so later.  I definitely don't want to repeat that mistake again quite so soon!

Anyway, despite this, it seems I have still not been getting enough sleep the last few days to function properly and today I crashed.  I was moody at work, and unable to cope properly with questions asked of me or with tasks that are usually not a problem.  As is the usual pattern, I finally started to come alive by late afternoon, but spent the majority of the day felling physically drained and awful.

So, I sit here typing this post tired and grumpy - can you tell?

My husband also said he felt it was partly his fault for not taking enough responsibility.  This also made me feel bad.

This is something I, of course, can control and it shouldn't be that hard to do.  I don't need my husband's permission to go to bed, and surely I shouldn't have to need for him to tell me when to do so.  I am (supposedly) a grown woman after all.

Just because I live this amazing lifestyle with my husband, and this means that if he sees I am not taking care of myself properly he will take action, I shouldn't rely on him to do so.  Also, is it fair for me to rely on him to control such basic things?

Having an HoH does not absolve me from taking self responsibility.