My last post started as a a bit of humour and banter between Rick and I. However, I think I must have taken it all a little too seriously. Perhaps it wasn't too far from where my head has been at lately. Well, ok, maybe got quite, but you get the picture.
The truth is, I've been poking the bear a bit this week and feeling a little too feisty. To cap it off, this feistyness resulted in me blatantly disregarding rules and expectations Thursday night. Remember the new bedtime rule? No playing with the phone in bed. That means no reading blogs on the phone, comments, emails etc.
I will admit that this new rule worried me. I knew this was going to be such a bad habit to break and I really didn't know if I could do it. I knew it would take a lot of willpower but I desperately wanted to succeed in order to prove my submission to my husband and to make him proud.
So far, I had managed to abide by this rule. It has not been easy and I had been feeling proud of myself ... until Thursday night that is.
Rick was away that night. No text or call came through to tell me to get to bed. It got progressively later and later and I knew he had fallen asleep before managing to contact me. I also knew that I would have to get up early the next day for work. I was busy on the computer and of course, the sensible thing to do in the absence of directions from Rick would have been to pack it in and take myself off to bed. I mean, I'm a grown woman for goodness sake. Do I really need to be told when to go to bed!
Turns out that maybe I do because I decided to make the most of the opportunity and stayed up far too late. Then I got into bed and ..... wait for it .... you guessed it .... checked emails and read blogs on my phone. Oops!
I sent him a text goodnight once in bed, knowing he would of course, note the time the text arrived. When he is away for the night he expects me to text him to say goodnight, regardless of whether he is already asleep, whether he had instructed me to go to bed or not.
I knew I had to confess to also breaking the 'no phone in bed' rule, which I did Friday morning.
He didn't say much during the day Friday, but within about 15 minutes of getting home he told me we were going to do some role affirmation. He said it was definitely overdue and sent me to the bedroom to prepare. With this news I buried my head in his chest for a new minutes and just held him before making my way to the bedroom, trying to reconcile with what was about to happen.
I went to the bedroom, removed my pants and panties and waited. Rick came in a few minutes later, pulled at my top and said "what's this still doing on? Take it off" Uh-uo - a naked spanking. I hate that! I dutifully removed my top and he spun me around and removed my bra. He then told me that I was clearly overdue for a spanking and that he was also disappointed in my actions the previous night. It was not good for me and that he had to be able to trust me to be sensible about taking care of myself, getting enough rest etc in his absence. If it happens again, as well as another spanking I will loose privileges (including blogging) and an early bedtime will be imposed. He then said the first part of the spanking would be punishment for my actions, followed by some role affirmation. He also that that my attitude and level of respect had gone downhill during the week. Not a great deal, but enough that he had noticed and was not happy.
With that he gently bent me over the bed, sat down beside me, placed one hand on my back and started spanking with his other hand. After using his hand for a while he then moved onto the leather paddle, belt, ruler and cane. With the cane, he started out with little taps and asked me if I remembered how it felt. I've never made any secret that I hate the cane. It hurts, even when used lightly. He then proceeded to tell me it would be his implement of choice for serious infractions or if he felt it was needed in role affirmation.
After a few licks of the cane I heard a familiar sound - the sound of wood snapping. In the same moment I felt relief and also fought the urge not to turn around and/or laugh. Somehow I managed to retain my composure, which was just as well because apparently the dang thing was still usable!
Afterwards, Rick pulled me onto his lap and we cuddled. I mentioned the cane snapping to him and suddenly burst out laughing. I couldn't help myself. Only problem was, once I started I couldn't stop! I got to the point where I was no longer sure just what I was laughing at. The fact the cane had broken, or was I laughing at the entire event? I apologised and said I didn't know why I was laughing. His response was this
Honey it's ok to laugh at that, but it is not ok to laugh at the spanking itself
I'm sorry. I can't help it
Well, will it be so funny when you're otk or otb again with loss of privileges, grounded from the blogs and an early bedtime?
The whole thing left me feeling unsettled. I didn't feel the way I usually do after a spanking. I didn't have the familiar 'squiffy" submissive feeling. I felt confused at the fact that I had laughed, and more so that I wasn't exactly sure what at. It bothered me, and still bothers me to a degree.
Perhaps I shouldn't let it. I told Rick I didn't feel how I normally feel and didn't feel submissive and he didn't seen too perturbed, saying it just happens occasionally. He did ask whether he needed to up the ante with role affirmation though. Gulp! Perhaps. Honestly, I am wondering whether I do need that to happen. I also wonder whether laughing could simply have been a different kind of release for me. I certainly haven't reacted this way before.
Saturday night was spent enjoying a nice dinner together then settling down, me on the floor between his legs while he rubbed my back, played with my hair etc, to watch a few programs we had recorded. Oh, and there was a little role affirmation of a different kind later on. Which kina made me feel a lot better about the previous night's spanking :)
Well, getting back to my previous post. I guess Rick proved that he holds the paddle in this relationship and that isn't going to change any time soon. A girl can dream though - right?