I wasn't going to post this, but I decided that I have a blog for a reason. To record our journey and also to help me process my own thoughts and feelings as we travel down this path we call ttwd. Therefore, it should be the complete journey warts and all, not just the good bits. Also, to leave out the messy bits would not be honest.
You may or may not know that we practice both erotic and punishment/correctional spanking. Yes, we both have at least a degree of spanko in us.
There is never any doubt when a spanking occurs which category it fits into. There is no blurring between the two, they are vastly different. With correction, it is filled with emotion, a lot of discussion, lecturing and afterwards, wonderful aftercare and a lot of cuddling. With erotic spanking, the emotion isn't there (well, the anger, frustration, hurt, remorse etc anyway), the tone is light, implements and position are different and instead of aftercare, it leads to some pretty damn good sex!
There is never any confusion between erotic spanking and spanking for correction. Usually.
Recently I was spanked for something that was technically breaking one of our rules. However, the situation had not been entirely within my control so I felt the spanking a little unfair. I also thought, knowing my husband, that it was unusual for him to spank if the incident was not within my control.
I submitted to it anyway, but it didn't feel 'right' or 'normal'. My husband's demeanour was not what it usually is during a correction. The implement used was unusual and there was not much discussion or lecture. In addition, although he held me in his arms afterwards and soothed me, this did not feel quite 'right' either. The result of this was that I was left feeling confused and upset. As a result of these feelings I pulled away from him emotionally. Usually after a correction I feel totally submissive, cared for and loved. I feel his dominance strongly.
Knowing I was upset and not my normal self, my husband confessed that he had used the incident as an excuse to spank me and that it wasn't really for correction. That he would not normally have spanked me for something not totally within my control. Of course, we both know he didn't need an excuse. He could have brought us to 'play' mode and I would of willingly participated.
Anyway, he confessed which I appreciated greatly. It made me feel a little bit better as it lifted my confusion, but I remained distant and not feeling submissive at all. Both of us had landed on a snake (to steal Wilma's snake and ladders analogy) and down we slid together. My submission and his dominance waned to some degree for a few days but we are thankfully feeling more connected again now.
As I said above, I decided to post this because I think this blog should record our whole journey, not just the good bits. It is not an exercise of placing either myself or my husband on the stand (so to speak).
I am confident this situation will not occur again but I am also curious as to whether anyone else has experienced this blurring of the lines and how you dealt with it.
Prior to publishing this post, we sat down together to read it. The process of doing so brought about some discussion and further clarity to the situation. My husband gained a better understanding of the feelings I had gone through that night. He also told me that at the time, he was a little confused himself as to just what motivated him to conduct the spanking, other than it certainly was not a correction in his mind. However, in retrospect he realised he had intended it to be, at least in part, role affirmation.
As we discussed this further, he told me that drafting this post had helped provide clarity for both of us, but that it had also helped him make a decision - that he would introduce role affirmation spanking into our dynamic. Way to go Roz, good one! Hmm, I guess this might be an example of how having a blog may not always be such a good thing. It can sometimes literally bite you in the butt! Hummph
What exactly is role affirmation anyway? Is it maintenance by another name?