100,100 ... and some spanking too :)

Hi all, I hope all our friends in the Northern hemisphere are staying safe and warm!

My dashboard told me last night that my little corner of blogland has reached 100,100 views. Wow! I thought that was such a cool number I just wanted to share. It's small compared to some blogs, but it's big to me:)

When I started this blog I had no idea how far I would go with it, how long I would keep posting and whether anybody would be interesting in reading. I have been amazed at the encouragement and support I have found in this community and the wonderful friendships I have made here. I want to offer my sincere thanks from the bottom of my heart. Your encouragement, comments and advice, both on and off blog have helped Rick and I negotiate our relationship and what DD/ttwd means for us more than I can say.

As you know, we haven't been practicing DD for quite some time now and ttwd has been pretty much non-existent too. I mentioned in my previous post that we had played for the first time in ages.

We are getting to the point where we both desire to bring back some elements of ttwd. It's a matter of how to go about it. I'm glad to say since my last post, we have played again, on a minor scale. Minus clothes pegs I might add! Rick seems to be becoming spank happy again!

Then there was today. We were standing together kissing and cuddling and all of sudden I felt Rick's hand fisting my hair. This progressed to pulling my hair and me ending up on my knees at his feet. He kept me there for a moment stroking my hair and talking to me then pulled me up again.

Next thing I know he had unzipped my jeans and is leading me to the couch and over his knee. He talked as he spanked. Telling me how he enjoys hearing my breathing quicken, my moans and ouches and watching my bottom turn pink. He even had the nerve to laugh as he spanked at one point. Humph!

We had to leave to be somewhere so the spanking was short. After he was finished he said I needed that, and so did you. Hmm, maybe he was right:)

On a side note have you seen 'the dress' on the Internet and the debate over whether it is blue and black or white and gold? Rick and I were debating this prior to the spanking.  I definitely see it as blue and black whereas Rick sees white and gold in some of the pictures and blue and black in others. Anyway, while he was spanking at one point he made a comment about how nice and pink my bottom had become. I was so tempted to ask if he was sure it was pink, not some other colour. I decided biting my lip was a better option!

On a final note, it's now the 2nd of March (here) which must mean Q&A month in blogland.

Beware Of The Clothes Peg!

I know, I have been awol from here for so long. Still having issues trying to write posts.  I wanted to pop on and tell you about last night, and I guess it is also a bit of a cautionary tale .. but firstly, a little update on what we've been up to.

Rick and I enjoyed most of the month of January on holiday from work. We enjoyed the summer weather with lots of day time outings and dates to cafes, favourite spots etc. I also managed to get a lot of those jobs done at home that you only tackle once in a blue moon.  Sadly, work resumed two weeks ago and we have been struggling to get back to normal routine. We have had some wonderful weather, but at the moment we are back to a little cooler  temperatures and howling gale winds and showers. Sigh.

This weekend is a long weekend for us with today  (Friday) being a public holiday.  It will be a busy weekend for us so I apologise in advance if I don't get to visit you this weekend. I see a lot of posts on my blog roll from yesterday and today.

Though I barely post now days, I do try and keep up with everyone. I am so thrilled at the arrivals of TL and Bucko's little  Buckaroo and EsMay and the Duke's little girl. Huge congratulations to all. I hope everyone is doing well and wish you the best.

I know a number of our friends are struggling right now with varying things. You are in my thoughts. Thoughts go out also to our friends in the Northern hemisphere dealing with extreme weather.

As most of you know, we haven't been practicing DD for quite some time now, and I don't know that it will return. Ttwd had pretty much disappeared too with no play. Last night, Rick decided he wanted to play. So, for the first time in ... forever, we played.  Anyway, this meant some spanky fun. OMG, do you know how much it hurts when you haven't been spanked for a long time? I was reacquainted with our nasty wooden spoon, which is more like a paddle, and Rick's belt. There was also some nipple tweaking, pinching and nipping and, yes Abby, kneeling:)

One thing Rick loves during play is to put clothes pegs on my nipples. I bulk and freak every time because man those suckers really hurt going on and worse when released! Thankfully, Rick gave me time to breathe and try and relax before putting the pegs on and taking them off, and did so slowly. OMG, did I mention the pain when they come off?!

After he had removed the pegs he was playing with one of them ... and it broke! We both looked at each other horrified with the same thought. What if it had broken as he was taking  it off my nipple! I hate to think about what could have happened. Imagine if we have had to have called emergency services!

The moral of my little story is only use newer pegs in good condition, or only use them to hang clothes lol. I'm not sure how keen I am on nipple clamps. If we got some Rick would only want to use them lol.

It felt so good to play again, and I can still feel the results. I wonder how long it will be before we play again.

Merry Christmas!!

I know,  I haven't posted in forever! Life, technical difficulties etc. I have been trying to keep up with everyone though.

Well, it is almost Christmas morning here. Christmas Eve was spent with some of my family at my brothers. Christmas morning will be with the neighbours, lunch at my other brothers and evening with friends.

Before I get some much needed sleep before the festivities I just wanted to pop in and wish our blogland friends a very Merry Christmas.  Rick and I hope you have a wonderful time with family and friends and for those traveling,  safe travels.  I know I haven't been around much, but we truly appreciate your friendship and support.

I know some of our blog friends are struggling this season.  Special thoughts go out to you.

From us to you .. a very Merry Christmas :)

Still Here!

Hello friends! Did you miss me? I'm sorry I have been awol from here for so long.  I still haven't replaced the home computer and am therefore still using a tablet.  I've been using this to read and comment but it is difficult to write posts with.  Hence I have been MIA.

I feel I want to connect with my blogland friends, and to let you know I'm still here! Besides, I have so missed posting here.

There certainly has been a lot happening in blogland lately. Some friends are struggling right now with various issues.  My heart goes out to you and you are in my thoughts. There have also been some revelations that have shocked and affected many of us. I would rather not comment any further on that here.

Things for us have been fairly crazy. I had the week before last off work at Rick's insistence.  Believe me, he was not taking no for an answer! I had a cold which went to the chest and I ended up on antibiotics.  I actually enjoyed being at home and just cruising,  not doing much of anything.  Work has been crazy for me all year so the time out was welcome, even though it was due to illness. It also gave me the opportunity to get to spend some time with my cat. For those who don't know, we are nursing her through cancer.  It's been eight months now! Much longer than we thought we would have her and she is still generally holding her own quite well.

Last week I returned to work which,  of course was full on, especially after a week away! I'm feeling much better but still recovering.

It's winter here and although winter for us isn't a patch on our friends in the northern hemisphere,  I am ready for spring to arrive! Overall though,  I must say it hasn't been too bad.

On the ttwd front there hasn't been a lot since we decided to take a break.  Rick surprised me not too long after by saying he wanted to slowly make our way back and find what works for us. We discussed it, we both miss the extra connection and intimacy it brings us. We agreed we wanted to slowly reintroduce it.

Since then however,  there hasn't been much happening.  Rick said recently he does want to slowly get back to our roles,  but is unsure how to go about it. He is afraid of failing again and disappointing me (his words). I told him yes he may make mistakes,  so might I and it may not work, but that shouldn't be a reason not to try. As long as we keep communicating, we can work through it.

We have continued to 'play' from time to time. For some reason I have struggled more with the spankings and am wondering why this is.  Rick of course has noticed this too and has stopped spanking and made comments such as "such noise!". I have to say, he has modified the spanking somewhat given my struggle coping. They are not nearly as hard.

I said to him recently I wonder if my struggle could be because without the overall dynamic I don't feel in a general submissive mindset. While we may not be back on board fully with ttwd things are good and Rick is starting to assert his dominance more. Insisting I take time off to recover for example.

As I mentioned above, he is as dominant as ever in the bedroom :) We had a great night last night complete with nipple tweaking,  pinching, pulling, hair grabbing and, of course, some spanking ... which I struggled with again.  Sigh

It feels so good writing here after so long! It took me ages though on the tablet lol, so I will leave it here for now.  Hopefully it won't be so long between posts next time! Hope everyone is having a great weekend :)

Back to vanilla...for now

Hello blogland friends,

Now that you have (hopefully) recovered from finally seeing me appear in your blogger dashboard,  or equivalent, I want to say I am so sorry I have been awol for so long.  This has been due to the fact that my home computer died and we have STILL not replaced it! Huge thank you to Willie for publishing my last post letting you all know I would be awol for a while.

I also sincerely apologise to the wonderfully talented authors behind Milestones, the Dd anthology.  I had intended to post a review before the computer died. I will say I thoroughly enjoyed this book. The authors captured the essence of Dd brilliantly and I totally related to the characters and  the emotions in each story. This is  a follow up to Coming To Terms but also stands alone. I highly recommend both books if you have not read them.

I have been reading and commenting on my tablet but it is so difficult to write a post. I hope you will excuse any typos as a result.

Life has been chugging along. Work has been full on, plus we have a manager I just don't like. She is a micro manager. Super annoying!

There is some news on the Dd front. Rick and I are taking a break from being a Dd couple. Or a ttwd couple for that matter.

It is proving such a #@#$/ to post this so I will spare you the details, and myself the frustration of writing. For now we are back to being a vanilla couple, except for the occasional 'play' when the mood takes.

This is not what I want. I crave and need the power dynamic, but, it has to be right for both of us. Although there have been some periods when Dd worked well and there was consistency, Rick has always felt as though he was playing a part ... that he wasn't being himself.

Where does this leave us? I honestly don't know ... well, maybe I do because we have been here before. This wasn't our first try at Dd and the previous occasions ended in the same way. It's the deeper intimacy and connection that I miss. Although we won't be practicing Dd/ttwd anymore, I hope that we will take some of the benefits we have gained from it as we move forward.

I don't know yet what I will do with this blog. It no longer seems to have a purpose, or hold any appeal to me. One thing I do know though, I have made some amazing friends here and whether I continue blogging or not, I would love to be able to retain those friendships and connections. I hope you will remain in contact with me.

The friendships made in blogland run deep. I am so grateful and honoured to have shared our life, our story with you. I am so thankful for the wonderful support, encouragement and advice you have offered. It has meant more than I can adequately put into words.

Thank you blogland!

Please Hold

Well not exactly.....

But Roz's computer up and died on her

THE NERVE!  Does it not know she has questions that need to be answered?  Books that need to be reviewed? How on earth could it be so inconsiderate to just up and die on her like that???

Hardly ideal!

Anyway....

She wanted me to let you all know she and Rick are fine..

better than her computer anyway.  

I know you can understand her frustration of having her connections cut to blog land as you are all very important to her.  Hopefully her computer situation will improve sooner rather than later!

But until that time....

More Answers - Hurdles and Changes Edition

I apologise for taking so long to answer all of your questions.  It's a slow process lol.  I also apologise for being a bit hit and miss lately in blogland. Life has been busy in Rick and Rozzie land plus we are mourning the end to summer and imminent end to longer daylight hours.

Tomsrose asked, Your biggest hurdle in DD when you first began?

We introduced DD into our relationship about 2 and a half years ago. Prior to DD we had indulged in spanking for fun and I guess you could say an element of D/s in the bedroom.  In addition, I have always had a tendency to defer to others to make decisions and so was already deferring to Rick in general.  

We reached a point where we decided we wanted to bring the dynamic out of the bedroom and into our everyday lives and discovered DD via blogs.  The rest, as they say is history.  Well ... not quite.

I think we can all agree that any ttwd relationship is not easy to establish let alone maintain.  The fact that spanking wasn't new to us didn't make it any easier because the fact is spanking was new to us in this context.  I should say I have always considered us to be a mixture of DD and D/s with a little bit of S/m thrown 

Initially, I think the biggest hurdle for each of us was learning our roles and fining our feet as well as learning to communicate better and earlier. It also takes time to develop the level of trust required in such a relationship. 

Rick was adamant when introducing DD that he wanted it to feel natural and not forced.  He also didn't want it to become something we did simply because it is something we do (brownie points if you can get my drift on that one!).  Prior to introducing DD we had a lot of fun together and loved to tease each other.  Rick was also adamant that he didn't want to lose this part of us as a result of DD.

This meant it took time for Rick to figure out and me to discover where the boundaries lay between acceptable and non-acceptable behaviour. For me, there were many surprises in the early days either thinking I had stepped over the line and wondering why he wasn't reacting ... it turned out, the reason he didn't react was that he didn't see the situation in the same way as I had.  That in itself was another learning curve for me.  That as HoH, how he sees the behaviour or situation is what matters.  Not how I view it.

On the other hand, there were also times Rick surprised me with a spanking or some other form of consequence which I really didn't expect.  
One thing we have discovered is that living this lifestyle is a constant learning curve and we still face some of the above hurdles from time to time.  

One of the biggest hurdles we faced early on, and continue to face is lack of consistency.  Not just on Rick's part, but on mine as well.  I have said it before but Dominance and submission really do feed off each other.  It can be very difficult to maintain one when the other isn't present.

Consistency kind of leads me on to the second question below so I think I'll leave this answer here.

Bleuame asked, Do you find the structure you have create in DD confining at times? 

There are times I find our DD structure confining.  Not being able to do what I want to when I want.  There are a number of things I am not allowed to do without seeking permission first such as getting my hair cut or spending money. Also, I have to seek permission to go out and if Rick is not home when I leave, text him to let him know I am leaving and again when I return (if he is not home).  

There are times I feel like saying to heck with it, why should I need his permission anyway and just going ahead and doing it.  Needless to say, the occasions I have taken that path haven't worked out well for my butt!

I find it most restrictive if I am with friends of family without Rick and something spur of the moment crops up.  It is quite often difficult to seek and obtain permission in those circumstances.  Fortunately though, Rick understands this and is usually ok when this happens.  Unless of course it results in me doing something I know (or should know) he wouldn't approve of or if I go overboard (shopping for example).

Although I do at times find the lifestyle restrictive, there is also a great sense of freedom in my submission.  Whilst I have my opinions, and will voice those opinions, in fact Rick always seeks my view when making decisions, I don't have the responsibility and associated stress with making the final decision.  

I am truly free to be myself and Rick wants me to be myself.  I also feel loved and taken care of more than ever before.

How do you see your dynamic evolving?

It is hard to truly know how our dynamic may evolve in future.  For example, we some time ago we introduced Daddy/babygirl into our dynamic and before this happened I wouldn't have anticipated this change.  For us these are really just terms we use to help reinforce our roles. 

This question is well timed though as we are just starting to make some change in our dynamic.

I mentioned consistency above.  This is something that has been a constant hurdle.  We have found that for us there seems to be a real ebb and flow to our dynamic.  As some of you know, we took a break from our dynamic about mid way through last year for a period and I don't think we have really truly settled back into it since.  There have been long periods where ttwd was pretty non-existent.  The basic structure remained, the rules were never taken off the table.  However, consequences and accountability for adhering to the rules ceased along with role affirmation.

I got to the point where I was beginning to wonder whether Rick wanted DD anymore, whether he had lost interest.  We had some good conversations a couple of weekends ago and he assured me he does want this dynamic and that he likes what it brings us.  It was a matter of life getting in the way and perhaps both of us becoming lazy (for want of a better term).  TTWD relationships do take work, like any relationship to maintain. 

Rick also said he needed to re-evaluate our rules and decide what ones are important to him.  We have discovered that there is no point in having rules unless they are things he truly cares about.  He then surprised me by telling me he would like to explore D/s more as well as an element of S/m.

Things have been interesting here in Rick and Rozzie land since!  Last Thursday I was instructed to remove my panties then hand them to him at lunch time.  Boy that was hot!  We went to a cafe for lunch, my panties came along too, but in Rick's pocket.  He kept threatening to wave them around the cafe!

Last Saturday night I was instructed to not wear a bra and that I was to wear a top that allowed easy access (at least I kept my panties this time!). Rick was out for the afternoon and upon returning home immediately proceeded to check that I had followed instructions.  This was shortly followed by our first R/A session in what feels like forever, which included the dreaded plastic pole mentioned in my previous post.

It was a delicious evening ending in some amazing bedroom action which included some more spanking, pinching, pulling and 'tweaking'.

Es May asked, If you could only pick to keep one implement each, what would it be? Why?
Rick's answer was the cane.  Something about it being versatile. Whatever!   (Shh, I did NOT just use the "w" word).  Me, I'm going to say his hand, because I like the intimacy of skin on skin and well .. while it certainly packs a punch it's generally less evil than his favourite implement!