Tomsrose asked, Your biggest hurdle in DD when you first began?
We introduced DD into our relationship about 2 and a half years ago. Prior to DD we had indulged in spanking for fun and I guess you could say an element of D/s in the bedroom. In addition, I have always had a tendency to defer to others to make decisions and so was already deferring to Rick in general.
We reached a point where we decided we wanted to bring the dynamic out of the bedroom and into our everyday lives and discovered DD via blogs. The rest, as they say is history. Well ... not quite.
I think we can all agree that any ttwd relationship is not easy to establish let alone maintain. The fact that spanking wasn't new to us didn't make it any easier because the fact is spanking was new to us in this context. I should say I have always considered us to be a mixture of DD and D/s with a little bit of S/m thrown
Initially, I think the biggest hurdle for each of us was learning our roles and fining our feet as well as learning to communicate better and earlier. It also takes time to develop the level of trust required in such a relationship.
Rick was adamant when introducing DD that he wanted it to feel natural and not forced. He also didn't want it to become something we did simply because it is something we do (brownie points if you can get my drift on that one!). Prior to introducing DD we had a lot of fun together and loved to tease each other. Rick was also adamant that he didn't want to lose this part of us as a result of DD.
This meant it took time for Rick to figure out and me to discover where the boundaries lay between acceptable and non-acceptable behaviour. For me, there were many surprises in the early days either thinking I had stepped over the line and wondering why he wasn't reacting ... it turned out, the reason he didn't react was that he didn't see the situation in the same way as I had. That in itself was another learning curve for me. That as HoH, how he sees the behaviour or situation is what matters. Not how I view it.
On the other hand, there were also times Rick surprised me with a spanking or some other form of consequence which I really didn't expect.
One thing we have discovered is that living this lifestyle is a constant learning curve and we still face some of the above hurdles from time to time.
One of the biggest hurdles we faced early on, and continue to face is lack of consistency. Not just on Rick's part, but on mine as well. I have said it before but Dominance and submission really do feed off each other. It can be very difficult to maintain one when the other isn't present.
We reached a point where we decided we wanted to bring the dynamic out of the bedroom and into our everyday lives and discovered DD via blogs. The rest, as they say is history. Well ... not quite.
I think we can all agree that any ttwd relationship is not easy to establish let alone maintain. The fact that spanking wasn't new to us didn't make it any easier because the fact is spanking was new to us in this context. I should say I have always considered us to be a mixture of DD and D/s with a little bit of S/m thrown
Initially, I think the biggest hurdle for each of us was learning our roles and fining our feet as well as learning to communicate better and earlier. It also takes time to develop the level of trust required in such a relationship.
Rick was adamant when introducing DD that he wanted it to feel natural and not forced. He also didn't want it to become something we did simply because it is something we do (brownie points if you can get my drift on that one!). Prior to introducing DD we had a lot of fun together and loved to tease each other. Rick was also adamant that he didn't want to lose this part of us as a result of DD.
This meant it took time for Rick to figure out and me to discover where the boundaries lay between acceptable and non-acceptable behaviour. For me, there were many surprises in the early days either thinking I had stepped over the line and wondering why he wasn't reacting ... it turned out, the reason he didn't react was that he didn't see the situation in the same way as I had. That in itself was another learning curve for me. That as HoH, how he sees the behaviour or situation is what matters. Not how I view it.
On the other hand, there were also times Rick surprised me with a spanking or some other form of consequence which I really didn't expect.
One thing we have discovered is that living this lifestyle is a constant learning curve and we still face some of the above hurdles from time to time.
One of the biggest hurdles we faced early on, and continue to face is lack of consistency. Not just on Rick's part, but on mine as well. I have said it before but Dominance and submission really do feed off each other. It can be very difficult to maintain one when the other isn't present.
Consistency kind of leads me on to the second question below so I think I'll leave this answer here.
Bleuame asked, Do you find the structure you have create in DD confining at times?
There are times I find our DD structure confining. Not being able to do what I want to when I want. There are a number of things I am not allowed to do without seeking permission first such as getting my hair cut or spending money. Also, I have to seek permission to go out and if Rick is not home when I leave, text him to let him know I am leaving and again when I return (if he is not home).
There are times I feel like saying to heck with it, why should I need his permission anyway and just going ahead and doing it. Needless to say, the occasions I have taken that path haven't worked out well for my butt!
I find it most restrictive if I am with friends of family without Rick and something spur of the moment crops up. It is quite often difficult to seek and obtain permission in those circumstances. Fortunately though, Rick understands this and is usually ok when this happens. Unless of course it results in me doing something I know (or should know) he wouldn't approve of or if I go overboard (shopping for example).
Although I do at times find the lifestyle restrictive, there is also a great sense of freedom in my submission. Whilst I have my opinions, and will voice those opinions, in fact Rick always seeks my view when making decisions, I don't have the responsibility and associated stress with making the final decision.
I am truly free to be myself and Rick wants me to be myself. I also feel loved and taken care of more than ever before.
How do you see your dynamic evolving?
It is hard to truly know how our dynamic may evolve in future. For example, we some time ago we introduced Daddy/babygirl into our dynamic and before this happened I wouldn't have anticipated this change. For us these are really just terms we use to help reinforce our roles.
This question is well timed though as we are just starting to make some change in our dynamic.
I mentioned consistency above. This is something that has been a constant hurdle. We have found that for us there seems to be a real ebb and flow to our dynamic. As some of you know, we took a break from our dynamic about mid way through last year for a period and I don't think we have really truly settled back into it since. There have been long periods where ttwd was pretty non-existent. The basic structure remained, the rules were never taken off the table. However, consequences and accountability for adhering to the rules ceased along with role affirmation.
I got to the point where I was beginning to wonder whether Rick wanted DD anymore, whether he had lost interest. We had some good conversations a couple of weekends ago and he assured me he does want this dynamic and that he likes what it brings us. It was a matter of life getting in the way and perhaps both of us becoming lazy (for want of a better term). TTWD relationships do take work, like any relationship to maintain.
Rick also said he needed to re-evaluate our rules and decide what ones are important to him. We have discovered that there is no point in having rules unless they are things he truly cares about. He then surprised me by telling me he would like to explore D/s more as well as an element of S/m.
Things have been interesting here in Rick and Rozzie land since! Last Thursday I was instructed to remove my panties then hand them to him at lunch time. Boy that was hot! We went to a cafe for lunch, my panties came along too, but in Rick's pocket. He kept threatening to wave them around the cafe!
Last Saturday night I was instructed to not wear a bra and that I was to wear a top that allowed easy access (at least I kept my panties this time!). Rick was out for the afternoon and upon returning home immediately proceeded to check that I had followed instructions. This was shortly followed by our first R/A session in what feels like forever, which included the dreaded plastic pole mentioned in my previous post.
It was a delicious evening ending in some amazing bedroom action which included some more spanking, pinching, pulling and 'tweaking'.
Es May asked, If you could only pick to keep one implement each, what would it be? Why?
Rick's answer was the cane. Something about it being versatile. Whatever! (Shh, I did NOT just use the "w" word). Me, I'm going to say his hand, because I like the intimacy of skin on skin and well .. while it certainly packs a punch it's generally less evil than his favourite implement!
Es May asked, If you could only pick to keep one implement each, what would it be? Why?
Rick's answer was the cane. Something about it being versatile. Whatever! (Shh, I did NOT just use the "w" word). Me, I'm going to say his hand, because I like the intimacy of skin on skin and well .. while it certainly packs a punch it's generally less evil than his favourite implement!
