Loss and Grattitude

Ana's Love Spanks story prompted some discussion around when our old life raises its head and collides with our 'current' life.

This is exactly what happened for me last week.  It also explains why I have been a bit hit and miss in blogland this past week.  If I haven't visited you, I apologise.  I hope to get back on track and pick up where I left off.

I think I have mentioned here before that my ex and I had Siberian Husky dogs and that we used to race them as sled dogs.  When we separated, the dogs stayed with my ex.  It made sense as there was no way I was going to be able to handle them myself.

We put a lot of time, energy and effort in raising them and, when old enough, racing them.  They were our life and took the place of having children to a large extent.  Therefore, they have always been a part of me and, although I have barely seen them in the last few years, they remain in my heart and will always be my babies.

On Tuesday I had a phone call from my ex telling me the youngest (now 14) and last surviving dog was in the vet and that things did not look good.  It was a distraught phone call.  I dropped everything, left work and went out to the vet to see him.  He had had a massive seizure and a dangerously high temperature.  The vets had had difficulty controlling the seizure which ended up lasting close to 30 minutes and had to anaesthetise him.

He had been unconscious from the very beginning of the seizure, which was a blessing, and that was  how I saw him.  It broke my heart to see my baby lying there unconscious and unresponsive.

Due to the nature of what had happened everything was an unknown. The vets couldn't tell us if he would wake up and if he did, what his recovery would be like.  We also had no clue as to what had caused the seizure.

My ex and I decided we therefore had to give him a chance to fight and to see if he could/would recover.  Tuesday night we had to move him from the vet clinic taking care of him to the after hours clinic so that he could be cared for overnight.  We did this and brought him back to the regular clinic Wednesday morning.

He started showing signs of possible responsiveness on the Wednesday but didn't regain full consciousness.  The vet staff were preparing him to move him back to the after hours clinic (which meant us having to drive him there ourselves) when he made the decision for us and stopped breathing.

It was a traumatic experience for both of us.  You may think things may have been a little awkward.  Particularly between my ex and Rick.

Rick was truly amazing.  He fully understood that it was important for me to be there for my boy and that it was a priority for me.  He understood what these dogs meant to me and also that this was something my ex and I had to do together.  He gave us space to be with our boy and make decisions for him together and was fully supportive of not only me, but my ex as throughout.  He was, and continues to be such an amazing source of support and comfort to me loving on me.

My love, I am so grateful for you patience, understanding and support and how you were, and continue to be there for me every step of the way with your loving arms.  I cannot adequately express how much this means to me.  You amaze me and are truly my rock.

I am grateful to my ex for involving me and giving me the opportunity to say goodbye and to the veterinarian staff who did their absolute best for him while treating us with the utmost compassion, empathy and kindness.