Don't Forget The Collar

I must always remember to wear Daddy's collar

I must always remember to wear Daddy's collar

I must always remember to wear Daddy's collar

Those are the words I have just finished writing ... over and over and over and over and ... well, you get the idea.  In fact 200 times.  I hate, hate, hate lines.  It is boring and there are so many other things I would much rather be doing.  Did I mention I hate doing lines?

Lately I've felt as though we have been in limbo with our dynamic.  Not much dominance on his part, certainly not much spanking going on.  When this happens it's easy for my submission to lapse.  I start thinking "whatever".  Yep, I said the "W" word.  See what I mean?

I start to lapse on the rules.  Specifically the bedtime one.  No checking blogs, Internet, email etc on my phone in bed when I'm meant to be settling down to sleep instead.

I wish I understood why this happens. I mean, I want this lifestyle right?  I want to submit to Daddy.  I do, but somehow I need his help to maintain my submission. I need his dominance.  Without it I slide into independent mode and who cares about silly rules anyway?  I guess dominance and submission really do feed off each other.  I need his dominance in order to maintain my submissiveness and vice versa.  One thing I have discovered during the time we have been practicing DD is that consistency really is so vital, and not just consistency on his part.  As much as I need him to remain consistent, he also needs me to remain consistent in my efforts.

Anyway.  I have been feeling this limbo for some time now.  It didn't help that last week was a particularly difficult one with a lot of external factors and stresses present.  Last Saturday we had planned to reconnect and in fact, it started off well. Daddy was out Saturday afternoon and I received a text from him telling me that when he returned he wanted me naked and kneeling in the bedroom.  Of course I complied and we had a wonderful role affirmation session.  (I guess he had decided we needed to get back on track).  For the first time I cried more than just a trickle. He lay beside me, held my hand and told me to let it all go and that he had me as he continued to blister my derriere.  Afterwards, we cooked a lovely meal together, watched a little TV and listened to some music.  It was a wonderful time together and we were heading back to to 'us'.  Then, wouldn't you know it.  Life got in the way again and we started to lose the level of connection we had started to build.

This week however has been a good one.  We have felt much more connected.  That leads me to today ... and the lines.

As I said, I have been having some difficulty with my bedtime rule lately plus generally not getting to bed at a reasonable enough hour to allow me to get up in the morning for work.  last night I was waaay too late, plus I might have played on my phone just a little bit when I did go to bed.  As a result I woke up very late this morning and was in such a rush to get ready that I forgot to put on my collar.  I didn't even actually have time to put it on!  It is a rule that I wear the collar at all times, except for showering and bed.

I knew Daddy would be disappointed.  I was not, however prepared for just how disappointed he was  not seeing it around my neck.  He told me I looked naked and to be honest I felt it.  I spent the day reaching for it to hold it between my fingers as I always do and alas, it wasn't there.  He told me how very disappointed he was and that I know how much it means and what it symbolises.  To us it is a symbol of us, of our roles and what we mean to each other and holds a great sentimental value for both of us.  It is something I treasure and that I love wearing.  I finger it during the day and it reminds me of him.  Of his dominance.  This is the first time I have actually forgotten to wear it.

Daddy told me that getting up so late that I did no have time to put it on was not a good enough excuse. It was poor management on my part.  True.  I told him I hadn't realised just how disappointed he would be.  He then said I would be writing lines and that tomorrow night my bottom will feel how disappointed he is.  Also with the general lapse in fully keeping to the rules.

So ... the lines are done and I now contemplate the spanking that is to come.  I am somewhat nervous.  I HATE having to wait. Also, I haven't received a punishment spanking for some time now.

I guess he is determined to bring us out of limbo.  I'm trying to convince myself that's a good thing!