Flexing our Dom/sub Muscle

Some of you noticed that this post appeared the other day and then suddenly disappeared again just as quickly.  I received a few emails asking me about this phenomenon.  The truth is, I accidental hit the publish button before I had finalised the post.  My bad!

I apologise for the confusion and extend my thanks to those of you who emailed.  I truly appreciate you checking in with me.

I feel as though this post is a little rambling and if you saw it go up the other day and have been waiting for me to repost it, I'm afraid it probably wasn't worth the wait LoL.  Anyway, I'll get on with it shall I? ... Good idea Roz! ... did I hear you say? Alrighty then.

There has been some talk lately around submission exercises and the things we do in general to reinforce our roles in ttwd.

I got to thinking there are quite a few things that Rick and I do to enforce our roles within our dynamic, so I decided to jot a few of them down here.  As I was writing this post I was actually quite surprised at the number of things we do.

Some of these are rules and some of them have another purpose as well as being an exercise in flexing our Dom/sub muscles.

You may not like some of these things or agree with them, but they work for us.

One big change we made a while ago that I haven't yet shared here is that Rick is my Daddy.  He loves me, cares for me, protects and corrects me.  So yes, he is my Daddy.

For us this is a term only.  It does not denote a change in our Dd dynamic.  I still use his given name and all the usual endearments but alongside this I also call him Daddy.  Particularly when responding to a lecture, discipline or requesting permission for something.

I won't pretend it didn't feel strange at first, because it sure did.  But, I have to say, nothing pushes my submission button more than uttering that word.  It also fuels his masculinity and inner Dom.  Also, I have always been his good girl and have heard those words a lot, but I hear them more now that I call him Daddy.  Again, nothing pushes my submission button more than hearing those words.

Just as it felt strange to say it in the beginning, it also feels strange at the moment to write it here.

I have seen these on Ward and June's blog and just love them.  June was kind enough to send them to me.  Thank you June :)

While I am on the subject of words, there is a huge power in our choice of words and how we choose to say them.  When he asks or directs me to do something, or issues an instruction, rather than say "ok", I now try and say "yes Daddy".  To me it projects a more submissive mindset.  I'll do it because you told me to, whereas "ok" could mean I'll go along with you because I happen to agree.

On the same theory, when seeking permission for something I endeavour to ask "may I" rather than "can I" because of course I can.

I can't take credit for these particular examples.  They were inspired by June and by Cathie Cookie.  Thank you ladies for the inspiration.  The subtle change in choice of words has definitely had an impact in my feelings of submissiveness.  By the same token though, at times when I'm not feeling my most submissive I sometimes choke on the words LoL.

Regular readers here would know about my 'collar'.  It is a symbol of our roles. Wearing it reminds me of my submission and for him, seeing it reminds him that I am his.

Rick is king of this castle.  He decides what goes on within the castle walls and he likes to be made to feel as though he is king of his castle.  Therefore, we have several what I might call at home rules.

One of these is that I do not turn on television, music, the computer or anything else without permission when we are spending time together.  I am not allowed to touch any remotes in fact without permission, even to mute the pesky ads or adjust volume.  I have to either ask him to do it, or ask his permission to do so myself.  Sometimes he will ease off on this rule though and allow me control of the remotes.

He chooses what we watch, listen to etc.  This does not mean I don't have a choice or a say however.  Far from it.  He always asks what I want to do or watch or listen to etc and most often, that it what we end up doing.  Of course, sometimes he decides he can think of other things he would much prefer us to be doing :)

During evenings when we are relaxing together I quite often find myself sitting on the floor between his legs with my head on his thigh.  He will gently play with my hair, or rub my back.  I also keep an eye to ensure he is catered for.  For example, when his drink is finished, I will get up and get him another straight away.

During these times, if I want to get up and leave the room for any reason, even just to go to the bathroom I tell him what I am doing first rather than just getting up and leaving him.  I do this because  when we started ttwd he told me that he thought sudden disappearances on my part were rude, and perhaps disrespectful. He also shows me the same courtesy.

Of course, there is perhaps no better place than the bedroom to flex our Dom/sub muscles.  One of our rules is that I get undressed for bed down to my underwear and stand by his side of the bed.  I do not get into bed until he invites me to do so. He will look at me, take in my body, talk to me.  This is quite often when he will tell me what things he has noticed that he likes, and what things he would like to see an improvement in.  He always uses this time to reaffirm his love for me.  This is usually followed by him inviting me into bed and finding another way to show his dominance :)  I find this particularly humbling and it certainly makes me feel submissive.  I am still not entirely used to the feeling of being on display (so to speak).

The things I have outlined above are things we do when we are together that really help us to embrace our roles.  But what about when we are apart?

Some of the general rules we have revolve around me seeking his agreement before I do certain things. For example, if I am contemplating a spend.  Knowing that I still need to seek his permission, whether he is here or not reminds me of my submission to him.  I always have to stop and think before acting.  What would Daddy think?  Is this something I need to ask Daddy about?

We also have strict times by which I am to text or ring him to check in.  This mostly speaks to his protectiveness.  He needs to make sure I am OK and safe.  Also, if he is away at night, because I am so terrible about going to bed (no comment please Willie and Susie!) he will text or ring to instruct me to go to bed. Fortunately for me, he is also a night owl, but not quite as bad as I am if left to my own devices.

Does all of this mean that we end every day like this?

Are we always on our game? Always 'in the groove' with ttwd?

Hell no!  Like everyone else we struggle.  Life gets in the way sometimes and there are times our dynamic takes a back seat.  But all of these things certainly help us to keep the focus on our dynamic.

By the way, Rick says we'll be doing role affirmation tomorrow.  Oh yay!  Can you tell how submissive I'm feeling right now? LoL

For Bas .... From Kiwi

Bas - Our friend Kiwigirliegirl has asked me to put up a quick note to say she is out of blogging action at the moment and for the weekend, but is thinking of you today and will publish a post on her blog soon.

We hope you are enjoying reading all the posts and maybe remembering some of your many wonderful words of Basdom.

Love and Hugs,
Roz and Kiwi

Spankful for Bas

There are not many HoH's who blog and Bas therefore provides us with a 'unique' and refreshing perspective which is very much appreciated by us girls.  Especially during times when we can't understand why our HoH reacted to a certain situation, or didn't react as the case may be, or don't know how best to communicate our needs, thoughts and feelings to our HoH.  Bas is always there to offer sound advice.

I always look forward to reading comments from Bas.  He is always kind, thoughtful and encouraging.  He shares in our joy, our tears and makes us laugh with his extremely witty comments.

At times when we need it the most, he also occasionally dons his HoH hat and tells it how it is, or gives us a swift kick up the backside.  His comments always make me smile, encourage me or make me sit up and take notice.  He has a knack for knowing the right thing to say.

I want to share a few Words of Basdom that I have received.


Well, don't ask us why you are doing it.  Find a mirror and ask again.  Maybe you can tell that stranger in the mirror to behave because being banned from bloging is not going to go over good with your blogging friends.


Simple recipe for driving HoH crazy: Make him worry about your safety.  Success guaranteed.

Hmm, HoH Bas

There are a lot of short women in blogland.  Is that a sign that most HoH's are lazy and look for easy prey?

LoL, maybe there is something to this?

If I had sat there and you had interviewed me, you had gotten exactly the same answers.  Only a few 'born' HoH's know all the answers.  The rest of us is guessing and waiting for the wife's input. When we don't know what to do, and the wife gives no clear signals, we find ourselves for a stop sign.

Wonderful advice!

Anger,  frustration, sadness and distancing all keep happening.  It's those times that make us appreciate the good times more.  I'm sending hugs right through the floor of my study, down through the entire earthglobe and directly to you.

Supportive Bas

Roz, it indeed looks like an epidemic but mostly I see happy endings. Isn't it great that Rick, although mistreated by the Boss and, even worse, taken on a Christmas shopping tour still exactly sees what you need.  Spank that Scrappy!

Hmm

Yes, we are all giant meanies.  Sorry but what can I say?  Someone has to do the job.  Sometimes it is just plain necessary.  Of course, we only spank on Christmas day to defend the Christmas spirit  against possible attacks from Scrappy and colleagues.

The first DD wife to be spanked in 2013!  What an honour that would be.  I understand that this can be an exciting race between you and Kiwi.  Can we place bets on the winner?

A combo.  HoH'y with a little humour

A beautiful ceremony right from the heart.  You must really feel connected.  With a ceremony like that, I can hardly imagine that those issues with submission that you mentioned cannot be solved in no time.

This one brought both tears to my eyes and gave me great encouragement.

I don't think it's possible to ever fully get there.  You are both doing a very good job.  It's all about the road you are travelling together. Enjoy the road.  Roads go ever on.

Very wise words indeed.


Bas, thank you so much for your support, encouragement, your big heart and for giving me a swift kick at times when I need it (I know Rick appreciates those comments! LoL).

We are blessed to have you in this wonderful community and I feel truly honoured to call you a friend.

Thanks to Ana and Rogue for organising today.  If you would like to join Spankful for Bas day, grab a logo and put up a post of your own then email or comment on Ana's blog to make sure she has the link for the main page.

Tuesday Tidbits

Just a few early week tidbits for you.

Things have been going well in Rick and Roz land lately.  Dd has been present but there hasn't been much happening, because there hasn't had to be seeing as I'm such an angel.  Things have been smooth sailing.  No spanking here.  Nope.

Oh wait - there was one little spanking Friday night.  It was short, sharp and to the point.  (I'm only telling you this because Wilma will tattle on me if I don't!  Besides, lying isn't allowed :)

I'm afraid Scrappy resurfaced on Friday.  Yep, I was tired and therefore grumpy and I got my Scrappy on.  Not in a big way, but enough to agitate the Boss.  On top of that, I took my seat belt off before he had stopped the car for the umpteenth time.  Honestly, this is something he has become serious about recently and he has given me a few warnings.  It's a bad habit.  I mean, we're always actually parked before I take it off, he just hasn't turned the engine off yet - sheesh!  Yeah, I know - that's not the point.

Anyway, within about 5 minutes of getting home Rick grabbed my arm, walked over to the couch and without a word pulled me over his lap.  It took me by complete surprise.  When I told him so afterwards his only response was "good" (big meanie!).

Before he started spanking he told me we had spoken several times about the seat belt issue and that hopefully this will remind me.  He also said "and keep Scrappy at bay" - Grrr - the nerve!

Blog Land Candy Store

This week we celebrate the grand opening of our very own Blog Land Candy Store!  Stocked full with an international range of candies and chocolates.  Hooray!

You don't want to miss it.  Besides, who can't do with some candy?  It's not too late to join the opening celebrations.  I hear they have lots of good opening specials.  Oh, while you're there, make sure you also check out the other merchandise on offer :)  Before you ask - NO, this doesn't include implements!

Congratulations and many thanks to our beloved store owner Wilma Rubble!

Grace's Blog

In case you weren't already aware, Grace has a new blog and a groovy new look - new URL and  blog name.

If you have done so already, pop on over and say hi - with me - without me

Work/Dd Comparison

Yesterday I was sitting in a meeting bored out of my brains and couldn't help but think how much my work life sometimes reminds me of my Dd life.

Every year or so we complete a staff engagement survey.  This is to see how engaged we are with the organisation.  How much of an affiliation we have for the place, whether we are 'on board' with the direction the organisation is taking etc.  Once the survey is completed, the results are poured over and action plans (another buzz word) are made to make some changes to help us all feel more engaged.

Is it just me or does this sound like role affirmation/maintenance to anyone?

There are other ways in which my work reminds me of my Dd relationship as well. For example, we have staff processes one must follow to the letter.  Rules if you like. If, for any reason you should want to act outside of those rules, there is a process to follow, which includes obtaining permission from those who made the rules.  We are also all about 'consistency' in how we treat our customers.

Hmm, I don't know if I really want to think about this too much!

HoH'ing the HoH

Today Rick had his ears suctioned.  Ewe I know, and you're probably also thinking that's a bit TMI but bear with me people.

This is something he unfortunately has to have done on a semi regular basis.  He always goes back to the same place, the same technician attends to him and he always leaves it too late between visits.

He came back from the appointment today firstly complaining about the level of noise (give me strength!)  He then said he got a right telling off from the technician from leaving it too long between visits.  She very firmly said "didn't I tell you that you should come back every 6 months?"  ... um, yes Ma'am.  Apparently the lecture continued a little beyond that and then we he left she said in a very authoritative tone "I will see you in 6 months".

I just couldn't help laughing when he told me this.  Boy, I'd love to have been a fly on the wall!!


That's all the tidbits I have for you for now.  Have great rest of the week everyone!

My Love

Happy Valentines Day!!

Wishing you all a wonderful and Happy Valentines Day with your loved one

In my last post I talked about receiving text lectures from Rick.  This morning Rick surprised me with the following wonderful valentines text.

Morning my beautiful Angel.  Happy Valentines to my amazing, incredible, sexy, feminine valentine.  

Thank you for all you give to me and for submitting to me.  Shows me just how much you love me and accept me as your leader.  To you, I give myself totally. 

You have my deep undying love, care, attention and protection and I commit here and now to continue to give my all in leading our amazing and wonderful relationship. 

You have made me feel like a king and I m so proud and overjoyed to call you my queen.  I love you madly, passionately, completely.

My darling Rick.  I can not adequately express how much your words truly meant to me this morning.  They touched me so deeply.  I am so lucky to have found such a wonderful love in you.  To share my life with you and to be your queen.  For you are indeed my king.

I love you with every fibre in my body.  I have never known a love so deep and so pure or how wonderful love could be until I met you.  With you I am home.  My life before is like a blur and I cannot imagine for a single moment my life without you.

You honour me with your love and your leadership.  Thank you for your love and care.  For your protection.

Thank you for taking care with my heart and for believing in me.

Thank you for accepting the gift of my submission to you and for treating it with great care.

I flourish under your wing.  You are my greatest cheerleader (without the tiny skirt and pom poms of course).  You give me strength when I am weak and courage when I am afraid.

Thank you for leading our amazing relationship.  I truly appreciate you taking on this role and am proud of how you have grown in this role and how far you have taken us so far on this amazing journey.

Above all, thank you for loving me and for choosing me.

Happy Valentines Day my love.

A song for "My Boss" from "The Boss"

With you I don't hear the minutes ticking by

I don't feel the hours as they fly

I don't see the summer as it wanes

Just a subtle change of light upon your face

Walk away, walk away, walk away, walk away

This is our kingdom of days

I watch the sun as it rises and sets

I watch the moon trace its arc with no regrets

My jacket 'round your shoulders, the falling leaves

The wet grass on our backs as the autumn breeze drifts through the trees

Walk away, walk away, walk away, walk away

This is our kingdom of days

This is our kingdom of days

I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I do

You whisper "then prove it, then prove it, then prove it to me baby blue"

And I count my blessings that you're mine for always

We laugh beneath the covers and count the wrinkles and the grays

Sing away, sing away, sing away, sing away

Sing away, sing away, my darling, we'll sing away

This is our kingdom of days

This is our kingdom of days

This is our kingdom of days

This is our kingdom of days

This is our kingdom of days

Text Rules

So Grace had a post the other day about fun text and email exchanges between she and Michael.  Rick and I text quite a lot every day and I love exchanging those fun, loving and 'saucy' messages.  Especially in the middle of the work day.

Unfortunately, there is a flip side to this.  Rick is very adept at the 'text lecture' - sigh.  Personally, I much prefer to receive the loving or saucy text messages from him but every once in a while it goes the other way, and that's what happened the other day.

Rick was away and as I think I've said on here before, when we are apart we have strict text rules.  I have set times I am to check in with him.  I was busy running around juggling a few things at once that night (including replying to comments on here and reading some other blogs - oops!) and a text deadline passed.  I had forgotten to text, pure and simple.

Uh-oh, oh no, this is not going to go down well!  Especially since I had just been so busy with different things that I forgot.  What do I do?  Well, obviously this was not a case of having to come clean.  The deed was done and he already knew it.  The choice, however, was how I explained my failure to text on time.   Hmm, what to do - if I tell him the truth, he may ground me from the blogs for a while, given that was part of the distraction.  What will he do?  Will he do anything?  I could tell him an important call came though, neighbour needed help, the cat got sick or something.

I couldn't.  I knew I had to tell him the truth and face whatever the consequences may be.  I simply  can not lie to Rick.  He deserves my complete honesty.  I knew I couldn't handle the guilt either if I tried to lie my way out of it.  I felt terrible.  How could I have literally forgotten?  Not to mention of course that lying is a huge no no in a Dd relationship.

The other thing is that Rick has had continual problems off and on with receiving text messages so we are fairly vigilant to make sure we check whether messages are being received or not.  I also knew he would be wondering whether the phone was playing up again.

Forgetting to send a text may seem minor, or trivial on the surface, but this rule is his way of protecting me when he can't be with me.  His way of making sure I am safe and it is important to him.  Therefore, it is important to me.

I sent the text, apologising for missing the deadline and explaining that I had juggled too many things and had just not managed my time properly and forgotten. I even said that I had spent time on the computer replying to comments and reading posts.  Ok, maybe I didn't have to go quite that far with my honestly.

I then waiting with baited breath for a reply.  The following is the reply I received.

Hey sweetheart, was beginning to think maybe the phone was playing up when your text didn't come though within timeframe.  Not happy with you being late.  We will talk about this (meaning, of course "we will spank about this").  I am going to head to bed.  You may stay up but no later than 1am.  Don't disappoint me on that as well. 

The text did also include some loving words and a goodnight.

Um, oh boy - yes Sir!  Let me tell you, these text lectures have just about the same kind of effect on me as face to face lectures.

I scurried around to finish what I needed to and made sure I made the bedtime deadline.  There was no way I was going to add to breaking the text rule.  More importantly though, I really didn't want to disappoint my husband any further.

We did 'talk' about it later by the way.  Oh - you want details?  Haven't you people got better things to do? LoL

Yep, I much prefer the fun, loving and saucy messages!

Blogiversary, Waitangi Day and Prayers

Yesterday (5 February) this blog celebrated it's first blogiversary.  It's amazing to think it has been a year since I started writing here!  

Today is also Waitangi Day here.  A public holiday - yay!  it is our national day.  A day where we commemorate the signing of the Treaty Of Waitangi.  Below is a little information on the Treaty for those of you who are interested in learning a little more.

The Treaty of Waitangi is New Zealand’s founding document. It takes its name from the place in the Bay of Islands where it was first signed, on 6 February 1840. This day is now a public holiday in New Zealand. The Treaty is an agreement, in Māori and English, that was made between the British Crown and about 540 Māori rangatira (chiefs).

Growing numbers of British migrants arrived in New Zealand in the late 1830s, and there were plans for extensive settlement. Around this time there were large-scale land transactions with Māori, unruly behaviour by some settlers and signs that the French were interested in annexing New Zealand. The British government was initially unwilling to act, but it eventually realised that annexing the country could protect Māori, regulate British subjects and secure commercial interests.

Lieutenant-Governor William Hobson had the task of securing British sovereignty over New Zealand. He relied on the advice and support of, among others, James Busby, the British Resident in New Zealand. The Treaty was prepared in just a few days. Missionary Henry Williams and his son Edward translated the English draft into Māori overnight on 4 February. About 500 Māori debated the document for a day and a night before it was signed on 6 February.

Signing the Treaty

Hobson and others stressed the Treaty’s benefits while playing down the effects of British sovereignty on rangatiratanga (chiefly authority). Reassured that their status  would be strengthened, many chiefs supported the agreement. About 40 chiefs, starting with Hōne Heke, signed the Māori version of the Treaty on 6 February. By September, another 500 had signed the copies of the document that were sent around the country. Some signed while remaining uncertain; others refused or had no chance to sign. Almost all signed the Māori text. The Colonial Office in England later declared that the Treaty applied to Māori tribes whose chiefs had not signed. British sovereignty over the country was proclaimed on 21 May 1840.

The Treaty is a broad statement of principles on which the British and Māori made a political compact to found a nation state and build a government in New Zealand. The document has three articles. In the English version, Māori cede the sovereignty of New Zealand to Britain; Māori give the Crown an exclusive right to buy lands they wish to sell, and, in return, are guaranteed full rights of ownership of their lands, forests, fisheries and other possessions; and Māori are given the rights and privileges of British subjects.

Now, getting back to my original topic.  I find it hard to believe I started this blog a year ago now - Wow!  We introduced domestic discipline into our relationship in October 2012. A little over a year ago.  I plan to post separately on how we got started and how we have progressed to where we are now.

I had been a serial lurker on blogs for quite some time before I took the plunge to start my own and start commenting on other blogs.  It never ceases to amaze me the level of support, comfort, encouragement and advice everyone here has extended to Rick and myself and continue to do so.  I am truly grateful to you all.

We pour out our hearts and souls on these pages.  Our worries and fears and also share in our achievements, excitement and the good things in our lives.  I share far more here than I ever do with real life friends.

The friendships developed here go beyond others simply understanding this lifestyle we have chosen and the knowledge that we are not alone.  In some ways, I feel I know a lot more about all of you then I do about some of my real life friends and family.  I feel a deep connection to my blog friends.

This community has so much to offer and I gain so much from being a part of it.  I am grateful that I have a husband who understands this, and my need to connect with other people who 'get it'.  I am grateful that he fully encourages my participation.  We all know this lifestyle is not always an easy one.

Being a part of this community and starting this blog has benefited us both hugely.  This blog has become a tool for us in our relationship.  By me writing my thoughts and feelings and sharing what we do, it provides a mechanism for us to gain a better understanding and perspective.  Certainly, at times for Rick to understand my thoughts and feelings and how certain things have affected me.  It has enabled us to make some positive changes in our relationship.  The wonderful advice and support we have found here helps us in this process more than I can say.

At the moment I know some of you are facing great challenges.  Some of you are facing challenges with health issues and others are facing a range of different challenges.  It truly saddens me and I want you to know Rick and I extend our arms to you in support and encouragement.  Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

Thank you all so much for your friendship.  I am looking forward to seeing what the next year holds in store for us.

Bedtime Rules - Somebody Got Spanked!

My last post started as a a bit of humour and banter between Rick and I.  However, I think I must have taken it all a little too seriously.  Perhaps it wasn't too far from where my head has been at lately.  Well, ok, maybe got quite, but you get the picture.

The truth is, I've been poking the bear a bit this week and feeling a little too feisty. To cap it off, this feistyness resulted in me blatantly disregarding rules and expectations Thursday night.  Remember the new bedtime rule?  No playing with the phone in bed.  That means no reading blogs on the phone, comments, emails etc.

I will admit that this new rule worried me.  I knew this was going to be such a bad habit to break and I really didn't know if I could do it.  I knew it would take a lot of willpower but I desperately wanted to succeed in order to prove my submission to my husband and to make him proud.

So far, I had managed to abide by this rule.  It has not been easy and I had been feeling proud of myself ... until Thursday night that is.

Rick was away that night.  No text or call came through to tell me to get to bed.  It got progressively later and later and I knew he had fallen asleep before managing to contact me.  I also knew that I would have to get up early the next day for work.  I was busy on the computer and of course, the sensible thing to do in the absence of directions from Rick would have been to pack it in and take myself off to bed.  I mean, I'm a grown woman for goodness sake.  Do I really need to be told when to go to bed!

Turns out that maybe I do because I decided to make the most of the opportunity and stayed up far too late.  Then I got into bed and ..... wait for it .... you guessed it .... checked emails and read blogs on my phone.  Oops!

I sent him a text goodnight once in bed, knowing he would of course, note the time the text arrived.  When he is away for the night he expects me to text him to say goodnight, regardless of whether he is already asleep, whether he had instructed me to go to bed or not.

I knew I had to confess to also breaking the 'no phone in bed' rule, which I did Friday morning.

He didn't say much during the day Friday, but within about 15 minutes of getting home he told me we were going to do some role affirmation.  He said it was definitely overdue and sent me to the bedroom to prepare.  With this news I buried my head in his chest for a new minutes and just held him before making my way to the bedroom, trying to reconcile with what was about to happen.

I went to the bedroom, removed my pants and panties and waited.  Rick came in a few minutes later, pulled at my top and said "what's this still doing on?  Take it off" Uh-uo - a naked spanking.  I hate that!  I dutifully removed my top and he spun me around and removed my bra.  He then told me that I was clearly overdue for a spanking and that he was also disappointed in my actions the previous night.   It was not good for me and that he had to be able to trust me to be sensible about taking care of myself, getting enough rest etc in his absence.  If it happens again, as well as another spanking I will loose privileges (including blogging) and an early bedtime will be imposed.  He then said the first part of the spanking would be punishment for my actions, followed by some role affirmation.  He also that that my attitude and level of respect had gone downhill during the week.  Not a great deal, but enough that he had noticed and was not happy.

With that he gently bent me over the bed, sat down beside me, placed one hand on my back and started spanking with his other hand.  After using his hand for a while he then moved onto the leather paddle, belt, ruler and cane.  With the cane, he started out with little taps and asked me if I remembered how it felt.   I've never made any secret that I hate the cane.  It hurts, even when used lightly.  He then proceeded to tell me it would be his implement of choice for serious infractions or if he felt it was needed in role affirmation.

After a few licks of the cane I heard a familiar sound - the sound of wood snapping. In the same moment I felt relief and also fought the urge not to turn around and/or laugh. Somehow I managed to retain my composure, which was just as well because apparently the dang thing was still usable!

Afterwards, Rick pulled me onto his lap and we cuddled.  I mentioned the cane snapping to him and suddenly burst out laughing.  I couldn't help myself.  Only problem was, once I started I couldn't stop!  I got to the point where I was no longer sure just what I was laughing at.  The fact the cane had broken, or was I laughing at the entire event?  I apologised and said I didn't know why I was laughing.  His response was this

Honey it's ok to laugh at that, but it is not ok to laugh at the spanking itself

I'm sorry.  I can't help it

Well, will it be so funny when you're otk or otb again with loss of privileges, grounded from the blogs and an early bedtime?

The whole thing left me feeling unsettled.  I didn't feel the way I usually do after a spanking.  I didn't have the familiar 'squiffy" submissive feeling.  I felt confused at the fact that I had laughed, and more so that I wasn't exactly sure what at.  It bothered me, and still bothers me to a degree.

Perhaps I shouldn't let it.  I told Rick I didn't feel how I normally feel and didn't feel submissive and he didn't seen too perturbed, saying it just happens occasionally.  He did ask whether he needed to up the ante with role affirmation though.  Gulp! Perhaps.  Honestly, I am wondering whether I do need that to happen.  I also wonder whether laughing could simply have been a different kind of release for me.  I certainly haven't reacted this way before.

Saturday night was spent enjoying a nice dinner together then settling down, me on the floor between his legs while he rubbed my back, played with my hair etc, to watch a few programs we had recorded.  Oh, and there was a little role affirmation of a different kind later on.  Which kina made me feel a lot better about the previous night's spanking :)

Well, getting back to my previous post.  I guess Rick proved that he holds the paddle in this relationship and that isn't going to change any time soon.  A girl can dream though - right?