Tit for Tat

We had a funny encounter today and I just wanted to share.  Especially after my last couple of more serious posts!

Today was a beautiful warm day so Rick and I decided to lunch in a local park.  We found a bench and Rick went to sit down and uttered the following ...

Wow! That seat is hot!  I'm not used to having a hot bottom like you are  Grrr - the man really is a comedian!

 Oh - ha ha!

Once we sat down he pulled out the sandwiches I had made for us.  They weren't all the same and he handed me the ones that were meant for him.

Oh, here babe (swapping packages with him)

He looked at me suspiciously and said

Oh!  Are those the ones with the poison?

No, of course not!  -  They've got anti spanking serum in them

You really think that will work???  Damn!

That was our little lunchtime game of tit for tat.  I do love these kind of conversations :)

Have a great day everyone!

Role Affirmation and Correction

In my last post I spoke about how neither of us were really 'feeling' our roles lately. Somehow life had just been getting in the way.  General life stress and lack of intimate time together took the focus off our roles in ttwd and we weren't as close as we normally are.

I was hopeful that the past weekend would allow us some intimate time and bring us closer. Well, it was a bit mixed.  There was role affirmation (Rick style), sex and discipline.

Rick was definitely 'on' and determined that we would focus on ttwd and regain the closeness and intimacy.  He was away from home during the day Saturday and in the middle of doing housework I received the following text.

When I get home, I want to find you in a skirt and no panties.

Later on, the following text arrived.

Also, I want to find you in a loose top, no bra and your hair down

Woa nelly!  What's this?  My heart started racing wondering just what he had planned.  I continued my day and prepared myself as he had instructed and he finally arrived home.

I felt submissive from the moment he walked in the door.  I think it must have been the lack of underwear, and the knowledge that he knew it!  We kissed and cuddled and he finally sat down on the couch.  I immediately knelt between his legs on the floor and we talked with him running his fingers through my hair and up and down my back.

He told me he loved me and that we would focus on our roles during the night.  That we had been through some stresses etc that had taken us away from our roles and needed to refocus. Also, that we were most happy when we were both doing our part.

He then asked me if I had done as he asked.  I stood up and lifted my skirt, his hand immediately went to caress my bntt.  I then proceeded to show him that I was indeed bra less.  Again, his hand immediately went to caress my breasts.

A little while later he took me by the hand and led me to the bedroom.  He talked for a while about what my submission means to him, how difficult it has been maintaining ttwd lately and reiterated how good it is for us and how I am at my happiest when I am submissive to him.  He then proceeded to guide me over the bed.

He continued to talk to me for a while about what he expects of me, how I thrive on his dominance etc, then landed a few gentle smacks.  He continued this for a while interspersing the smacks with rubbing my behind and back.  There was the odd harder smack but on the whole the spanking was very light.

Then, he did something totally unexpected.  His hand moved from my bottom and he started rubbing my nib.  He kept this up relentlessly, rubbing, stroking and circling.  His other hand alternated between rubbing my bottom, up and down my back and stroking my hair.  I was wildly turned on.  Just as I was on my way to finding sweet release he stopped and told me to kneel and take him in my mouth.  He stopped me abruptly after a while and told me to bend back over the bed and proceeded to tease me again talking to me all the while.  Telling me I was his girl etc.  Once I climaxed he told me to kneel again and finish the job I had started earlier.

Sunday didn't go so well for me.  I was spanked, and not the good kind of spanking, before I even got out of bed.  I had broken one of our rules and confessed this to my husband while we were snuggling in bed.  He asked me some questions to establish what had happened and why.  After several questions he deemed the act deliberate defiance, pulled me across his lap and gave me a hard spanking with the leather paddle.  He told me how disappointed he was.  It turned out that it had crossed his mind that I may had broken this particular rule, but he ultimately trusted me, trusted that I had done the right thing and felt bad for even thinking I may had disobeyed him.

He asked me if it was his fault, should he have checked on me rather than trusting that I had complied.  A word of caution here.  When your husband decides the spanking is over and lets you up, it is never a good idea to say things like "I wish I hadn't told you" or "I shouldn't have told you".  it's a very quick trip straight back across his knee!

I was not only spanked.  I spent a great part of my Sunday night writing lines.  The worst part of having to undertake this particular punishment is having to present them to my husband once done.  It always results in a further lecture which always includes the words "why did you have to write these lines?"  

As well as the spanking and lines I was also grounded from blogland for 24 hours.  I am still trying to catch up with many of you between the ban and not getting much blogging time on Saturday.

So, are both back to where we should be after the weekend?  We are well on the way.  My husband has certainly regained his HoH mojo and we are close again.  As for me, I am definitely feeling more submissive, but still don't feel I am where I should be.  

When Life Gets In The Way

What do you do when life gets in the way of your Dd/ttwd relationship?  How do you ensure you retain your relationship dynamic?

Over the last couple of weeks things have been going on here that have somewhat detracted from our dynamic.  Nothing serious, but there have been several small things that have happened one after the other causing stress and frustration.  Changes at work causing more than usual work stress and general interruptions to alone and intimate time together.

With these things going on life has kind of taken over.  I have not been feeling nearly as submissive toward my husband as I should and as I want to be.  Nor have I been acting it!  He has also not been feeling as dominant.  Worse than that, we have not been feeling as close and intimate as we usually are.

I know a number of you are going through difficult times at the moment.  Some have said despite this (or maybe perhaps even because of this) your dynamic is stronger than ever.

I am sure things will settle back to our kind of normal as the life pressures ease.  Then again, Christmas is just around the corner and I also wonder what impact the stress of that will have this year.

It does feel as though we are slowly returning to the level of closeness we usually share. Very slowly.  We also have some intimate alone time planned this weekend which I am hoping will help.  My husband has also recently told me he intends to introduce role affirmation spankings into our dynamic. (Currently we only practice corrective and erotic spanking).  I suppose I have to admit at gun point that that this may be a good idea - grrr!

I am sure this must be something most couples face from time to time.  I am curios as to how you deal with these situations in order to retain your dynamic and respective roles.  If you are going to suggest that role affirmation spankings are the answer however, please refrain from commenting.  Just Kidding! :)

Happy Thanksgiving!

Rick and I would like to take the opportunity to wish our American friends Happy Thanksgiving.  We wish you all a safe and enjoyable holiday weekend with family and friends.

Although we do not celebrate Thanksgiving, it is a good reminder to us also to give thanks for the blessing bestowed upon us.

It is also a good opportunity for us to give thanks to all of our blogland friends.  You provide us with such amazing friendship, support, encouragement and wonderful advice.  We appreciate you all.

Thank you!

The Liebster Award

I am most humbled and honoured to receive multiple nominations for the Liebster Award.  No, really.  Truly honoured.  I have received at least 6 nominations (that I know of!)

Phew, that's a lot of questions to answer!  Unfortunately though, by HoH decree I won't be answering everyone's questions.  My husband has been watching my internet and blogging time recently and is starting to get concerned at the amount of time I spend on the computer.  As some of you may know, this has been an issue previously.

So, I am going to behave and obey my husband (like a good submissive wife) and only answer one set of questions.  As Cat was the first to nominate me I'll answer her questions.  I sincerely apologise to my other nominators.  I do appreciate your nominations and thank you for thinking of me.

The rules:

1. When one receives the award, one posts 11 random facts about oneself and answers the 11 questions asked by the person who nominated you.
2. Pass the award onto 11 other blogs (while making sure one notifies the blogger that one nominated them!)
3. One writes up 11 NEW questions directed towards YOUR nominees.
4. One is not allowed to nominate the blog who nominated one's own blog!
5. One pastes the award picture into one's blog. (You can google the image, there are plenty of them!)

Here are Cat's questions and my answers:

1. What animal would you be and why? Well, my nickname is Scrappy Doo 
2. What food do you absolutely refuse to eat? Any kind of seafood 
3. Leather or wood? Definitely leather! 
4. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be? Hmm, have to think more on that one 
5. What is your favorite kind of music? I'm a rock chick 
6. Could you turn your phone off for 24 hours without a panic attack? If I did my husband would have a panic attack! (we have rules around these things) 
7. What is your favorite time of day? Evening - sunset - romantic Ahh (sorry, I digress) 
8. How many pets do you have? 2 pain in the *ss darling cats 
9. Scariest sound? The sound of my husband removing his belt (depending on the reason *wink*) 
10. Why did you decide to start blogging? I'm beginning to wonder! Just kidding. So I could meet you lot and enjoy your company (of course - Sheesh!) 
11. Why do you think you were nominated for this award? No idea - Cat? 

Eleven things you didn't want need to know about me:

1. In a previous life my partner and I had sled dogs which we used to race
2. I was born in the UK
3. Patience is not my virtue
4. I am guaranteed to be the shortest person in blogland
5. I am a complete heat seeker.  My husband calls me the heat seeking missile
6. I have OCD tendencies
7. I am mathematically challenged
8. I am geographically challenged
9. I'm a complete night owl and insomniac 
10. I am a Bon Jovi fan and got a smile and wave from Jon Bon Jovi at the last concert I attended (and nothing more - dammit)
11. I have an irrational fear of spiders and other creepy crawlies

I tried to think of people to nominate who had not already received a nomination and struggled to come up with 11.

I nominate Doc, Dopey, Happy, Sleepy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Bashful, Snow White, Prince Charming.


My Questions for you:

I wonder what the answers to these will be?  Feel free to answer some of these in the comments :)

1. Are you jealous of Prince Charming?
2. Who is the fairest in blogland?
3. Has Snow White ever been otk?
4. Do you like apples?
5. How big is Prince Charming's sword?
6. What is Sneezy allergic to?
7. Is Doc really a Doc?
8. What drug is Happy on, and can I have some?
9. How often does Snow White have a red booty? (wouldn't be very noticeable)
10. Are you jealous of tall people?
11. Does the Song Hi Ho, Hi Ho  ever get boring?

Blurring The Lines and Role Affirmation

We all know Dd/ttwd can be messy, and that mistakes can be made.

I wasn't going to post this, but I decided that I have a blog for a reason.  To record our journey and also to help me process my own thoughts and feelings as we travel down this path we call ttwd.  Therefore, it should be the complete journey warts and all, not just the good bits.  Also, to leave out the messy bits would not be honest.

You may or may not know that we practice both erotic and punishment/correctional spanking.  Yes, we both have at least a degree of spanko in us.

There is never any doubt when a spanking occurs which category it fits into.  There is no blurring between the two, they are vastly different.  With correction, it is filled with emotion, a lot of discussion, lecturing and afterwards, wonderful aftercare and a lot of cuddling.  With erotic spanking, the emotion isn't there (well, the anger, frustration, hurt, remorse etc anyway), the tone is light, implements and position are different and instead of aftercare, it leads to some pretty damn good sex!

There is never any confusion between erotic spanking and spanking for correction. Usually.

Recently I was spanked for something that was technically breaking one of our rules. However, the situation had not been entirely within my control so I felt the spanking a little unfair.  I also thought, knowing my husband, that it was unusual for him to spank if the incident was not within my control.

I submitted to it anyway, but it didn't feel 'right' or 'normal'.  My husband's demeanour was not what it usually is during a correction.  The implement used was unusual and there was not much discussion or lecture.  In addition, although he held me in his arms afterwards and soothed me, this did not feel quite 'right' either.  The result of this was that I was left feeling confused and upset.  As a result of these feelings I pulled away from him emotionally.  Usually after a correction I feel totally submissive, cared for and loved.  I feel his dominance strongly.

Knowing I was upset and not my normal self, my husband confessed that he had used the incident as an excuse to spank me and that it wasn't really for correction.  That he would not normally have spanked me for something not totally within my control.  Of course, we both know he didn't need an excuse.  He could have brought us to 'play' mode and I would of willingly participated.

Anyway, he confessed which I appreciated greatly.  It made me feel a little bit better as it lifted my confusion, but I remained distant and not feeling submissive at all.  Both of us had landed on a snake (to steal Wilma's snake and ladders analogy) and down we slid together.  My submission and his dominance waned to some degree for a few days but we are thankfully feeling more connected again now.

As I said above, I decided to post this because I think this blog should record our whole journey, not just the good bits.  It is not an exercise of placing either myself or my husband on the stand (so to speak).

I am confident this situation will not occur again but I am also curious as to whether anyone else has experienced this blurring of the lines and how you dealt with it.

Update

Prior to publishing this post, we sat down together to read it.  The process of doing so brought about some discussion and further clarity to the situation.  My husband gained a better understanding of the feelings I had gone through that night.  He also told me that at the time, he was a little confused himself as to just what motivated him to conduct the spanking, other than it certainly was not a correction in his mind.  However, in retrospect he realised he had intended it to be, at least in part, role affirmation.

As we discussed this further, he told me that drafting this post had helped provide clarity for both of us, but that it had also helped him make a decision - that he would introduce role affirmation spanking into our dynamic.  Way to go Roz, good one!  Hmm, I guess this might be an example of how having a blog may not always be such a good thing.  It can sometimes literally bite you in the butt!  Hummph

What exactly is role affirmation anyway?  Is it maintenance by another name?  

A Word With "The Boss Man" - The Reluctant HoH

I  have read a few posts recently from wives relatively new to ttwd frustrated at lack of consistency or action on the part of their husband.

This got me pondering as to why this happens.  What causes this stop/start, consistency/inconsistency, or apparent lack of enthusiasm on his part to embrace his role.

I had some thoughts of my own on the topic but thought I would go to a more knowledgeable source - my husband Rick.  Below is the conversation we had.  I even coloured it pink and blue so you know who's who (as if you wouldn't know otherwise - geez!) - cute Roz.

This is aimed more at couples starting out with Dd/ttwd.  However, this issue can occur at any stage of the journey.  But the further along the journey you are, the less likely it is to occur and the reasons for it occurring may be different to those discussed below.  Just as submission for us is difficult to cultivate and even harder to maintain all the time.  Just as it eludes us from time to time, our man's HoHy'ness can also elude him from time to time.

Ok, without further ado, below is the conversation we had.  This is from the top of my head as I didn't take notes at the time (it has been checked with the boss man for accuracy though!) - fine reporter you are Roz!


Hey hon, can I ask you a Dd question.  From your perspective, you know, as an HoH?


Yeah, of course.


I've read a few posts lately from some wives frustrated at their husband's lack of consistency or not stepping up as an HoH.  You know, the whole stop/start thing that seems to happen early on.  I was wondering what actually causes this. 


Hmm, It's about trust. You question her commitment to ttwd, is she really on board.  It's hard until you trust her commitment to the lifestyle fully and that takes time.  You do wonder whether this is really what she wants.  I know you are 100% on board.  It's also about trusting that she has trust in you as an HoH.


Wow really?  I haven't thought of that.  Trust goes both ways eh?  


Oh yeah.  For Sure.  Becoming and HoH is a huge responsibility and you are anxious to make sure you get it right.  You worry is this what she wants?  what if I'm too hard?  not hard enough?  You don't want to rush things and don't want to make any mistakes. 


Hmm, really


Yep, you also worry about coming on too strong and about whether you are abusing the authority she has entrusted in you.


I guess you must also be wondering Does she really want this?  How can she possibly want this? and maybe even worry about her reaction if you do step up and try and spank her - Ok, shut up now Roz, let the poor man speak!

Absolutely.  That's part of it too.  As I said before, you've got to trust her commitment to this lifestyle.


Wow, that's all really interesting.  So does that mean a HoH who is slow (so to speak) is a good thing?  That he's really thinking about things and that the wife should in fact be happy?  He's going to be a brilliant HoH?


(laughing) Not necessarily.  A man who is already dominant in nature may have no problem at all embracing his role.  That doesn't mean he's going to turn out to be a 'bad' HoH.


No, of course not.  I guess too, early on it's even harder if you can't deal with something immediately.  You know, time goes on and feelings change and it becomes water under the bridge, especially if there haven't been any issues since.  Maybe you don't see the big overall picture of what you are trying to achieve early on.


Well yeah, it is hard.  You want to have the 'nice stuff'.  Be loving, kind, enjoy each other.  You don't want to have to deal with that.


Yeah, I can see that.  I perceive in you that now days you do always think of the ultimate end goal.  What you are trying to achieve for us because boy, you've really stepped things up lately.  You don't have any problem with delayed consequences any more.


You're right, and I do.  It's also you you know.  I know you inside out, I get my strength from you.  Knowing you are totally on board and that this is what you want/need.  Your submission, vulnerability and femininity.  It drives me to be a better man - that was my favourite answer!  


You just grow into it as you learn what makes her tick.  What she needs and wants.


I've been thinking some more about this since Rick and I had this discussion and a few things occurred to me that I will bore enlighten you with now.  

Just as the husband may struggle to embrace his role, we are also struggling to find our feet within our  new role and to submit to our man.  

After the conversation with Rick, I realised that both husband and wife are going through very similar feelings and thought processes.  Just as he is wondering whether he can trust our commitment to a Dd/ttwd relationship, we are questioning whether we can trust him to lead us and take on the role of HoH.  As he is wondering whether this is what we want, we are wondering whether this is really what he wants etc.

A lot of what the HoH is thinking and feeling can equally be applied to us from our  perspective.  It is like a game of tennis.  We are both playing the same game, but from different sides of the net.  

I also see Dd/ttwd in the beginning like learning to drive a manual.  You release the clutch, press down on the accelerator and bunny hop along for a little while.  Then you find your stride, cruise along nicely for a bit then all of a sudden oops, there's a stop sign.  You stop at the stop sign, take off again and bunny hop along for a little while then find your stride again until you come across the next stop sign.

So, what can we do if our man is not 'stepping up' to his role, or doing so in a stop-start fashion?  I think we need to communicate our wishes and needs to him in a respectful manner.  Communication is of utmost importance within a ttwd relationship.

We also need to try and be patient.  Give him time to grow into his role, just as we need time to grow into ours.  Above all, try and fulfil our role to the best of our ability, even if we don't think he is fulfilling his. Why?  Because the more submissive we are and the more we defer to him, the more dominant he feels, and vice versa.