Thursday 5 December 2013

Suckiness and Are We In The Mood for DD?

Warning:  This is a completely negative rant and contains little spanking so please feel free to move on.

I haven't managed to read and comment on posts the last couple of days.  I apologise for this.  It never ceases to amaze me how far behind you can get, even if you only miss a day!

It has been a whirlwind and rough last month and a half. What is it with this time of year?  Why does it seem that everything piles up this time of year and that everything bad thing happens at once!

I have been in a funk off and on for a while now.  I feel non-plused and unenthusiastic about anything.  I don't want to socialise and everyone around me is, quite frankly pissing me off.  Work has been a major stress factor, which always seems to happen just before Christmas!  I have absolutely no enthusiasm left for the organisation I work for or the job I do which makes the stress even worse.  BTW do you have that one person at work who just constantly gets up your nose and irritates you all day long with their habits?  We have one particular person who pounds the keyboard so hard and also types so rapidly it just irritates the hell out of me, it gets right into my head so that I can't concentrate.  To cap it all off he is also a constant nose blower.  Not just an ordinary nose blower but a honker!

My Mum has fairly recently been diagnosed with Alzheimers. This didn't come as any real surprise and nothing has changed as such.  Dementia has been quite evident for some years.  However, up until now the doctors had been reluctant to make the call.  Mum had a minor stroke which resulted in a brief hospital stay.  Fortunately she hasn't suffered any residual affects.  However, the doctors were prompted to look into her dementia again resulting in the diagnosis of Alzheimers.

The good news is that where my parents live there is a lot of support and assistance available to them.  Most of this will be required in the future but is available to them now.  At the moment they are managing extremely well.

Over the last week we have had a few trips to the vet with one of our two cats.   We initially took them both for the annual check up and vaccinations.  One of them had not been eating particularly well and had also been vomiting and lost weight.  The vet was very suspicious of a serious illness. After some tests we were today told that she does indeed have cancer and that there is very little that can be done.  I keep asking myself what did I do wrong, why didn't I get to to the vet sooner, what should I have done differently.  I feel responsible and also heartbroken at the knowledge that she will not be with us very much longer.

This week in particular has been an emotional roller coaster. We now have to talk further with the vet and make decisions as to what is in her best interests.

As far as TTWD goes, it seemed that too was also non-existent.  It seemed that we re-committed to it, eventually had our first role affirmation session then nothing.  To be fair, I also wasn't 'feeling it'.  I had started to slip on adhering to some rules and the lack of accountability for it didn't help.  Vicious circle anyone?  Obviously, life was getting in the way which did not help matters.

Even though TTWD may have been absent Rick has been so supportive and has been my rock throughout the trials of the last month and in retrospect I can see that he remained in control.  It was the more tangible and physical aspects of TTWD that were absent.

A couple of weeks ago I told Rick I felt as though ttwd was falling away and how I missed that connection between us. The very next day I was told "no bra tonight".  Oh sure, you're suddenly in that mood!  Now you want to be 'dommy'!  Obviously we all have periods we feel more or less Dominant/submissive but should it be like a switch ... should ttwd/dd be something we do when we're in the mood?  Shouldn't it be a constant?

We were talking in bed the next morning when Rick suddenly sat up in bed, pulled me over his lap and proceeding to launch a surprise attack on my bottom.   Afterwards we talked some more and he acknowledged he hadn't been consistent and apologised and I also acknowledged my lack of consistency.  He said he wanted to get us back on track and also that he needed to reevaluate our rules and what is really important to him as part of the problem is the fact he doesn't feel as strongly about certain rules as he used to. He therefore needs to reevaluate whether they are still required.

The power of spanking never ceases to amaze me.  I did feel a lot better for a while after that spanking.

Last week saw the minor irritation of our lawn mower giving up the ghost and having to replace it that weekend.  After assembling and 'playing' with the new mower Rick gave me another surprise spanking for not following bedtime rules a couple of times.  (No Ana, nothing to do with commenting on advent calendar posts :) It was short and sharp and to the point.

I'm sorry this is such a whiney post.  It's the most joyous time of the year after all and I should be feeling it right? This weekend we have a Christmas dinner to attend.  I'm not feeling it.

I want to end this post on a more positive and festive note. Both Ana and Kenzie are running awesome advent calendars during December.  If you haven't already checked them out click on the pics to the right and you will be magically transported to their main calendar pages.

79 comments:

  1. Oh Roz, sending lots of hugs and warm thoughts.

    Where i work there is this woman that irritates the fuck out of all of us, she is a know-it-all, a been there done that type of person, nobody else opinions matter, she talks over you...get the picture lol

    In respect of ttwd, you clearly have a lot going on, most especially with your mum and so its understandable that focus is going to be elsewhere..what with it being this time of the year as well....it doesnt perhaps mean its not there...its simply just not high priority at the moment.

    And last but not least....a good rant and a glass (ok maybe a bottle) lol of wine, and just try although its difficult to get some 'you' time and 'couple' time.

    x

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    1. Hi Tori,

      Thank you for the hugs and thoughts. I truly appreciate it.

      Oh yes, we have our share of people like that at work too! This guy is actually really nice, his habits just make you want to strangle him! LoL

      Life certainly seems to be piling it on right now, but my parents are coping amazingly well and there is a lot of support available to them which is great.

      Rick has been incredibly supportive and my rock and I am so thankful to him.

      Hugs back and thank you again for your lovely words
      Roz

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  2. Roz,
    I don't think of it as whining so much as a 'brain dump' and we all desperately need that at some times. You're dealing with a lot right now. I'm sorry about your mother, glad she is doing well right now, but its still a lot to get your mind around. I'm also a cat person (with a veterinary technician license) so I know both sides of your decision.

    Rough as things are I'm glad you blogged - you can do it here and if it saves the keyboard pounding honker's life and keeps you out of jail it's all good. I hope Rick keeps it up. Spanking does have healing powers.

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    1. Hi PK,

      Your keyboard pounding honker comment made me laugh. Thank you for that :)

      The wonderful support from this community never ceases to amaze me. I am so thankful for my blog friends.

      My parents are doing well right now. Mum goes to an organisation that arranges activities etc one day a week which she really enjoys which is great. It gives Dad a day respite so that he can get things done that he needs.

      It is rather heartbreaking watching our fur baby. All we can do is our best for her and love her.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  3. Alright operation get Roz in the Christmas Spirit is ON again this year! I have started something for you already but I need you to email me. Sorry I haven't been around for you this past week. I know you understand, but I still feel so badly about it. Not the WHY of course, but the timing.

    Much, much love
    willie

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    1. Hi Willie,

      Please don't feel badly. There is absolutely no reason to and I do completely understand. You always give me so much support and advice and I am incredibly grateful to you.

      I will send you that email. I love the 'something'. Thank you so much :)

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  4. {{{{{HUGS}}}}} Oh Roz, you are so wonderful, and so full of love and caring... I can see how you'd want to blame yourself for your sweet cat, but this isn't your fault. {{{hugs}}} Cancer happens without cause, without reason. I am so sorry you will lose her soon, and I understand the need to place blame somewhere, but you have done all that was in your power. You love her, and take care of her, and just make her feel special. {{{HUGS}}}

    You know, I've found that even though Christmas is supposed to be this happy, cheery time of year, I've always been sad during it myself, and so have others I know. It's a time that those who are extremely happy can feel even happier, but if you're not happy, it can make you feel even sadder and more alone. I hope that the dinner with your friends will turn out better than you hope. {{{HUGS}}}

    And so glad that you and Rick are trying to figure out what DD/TTWD should look like for you guys now. Hopefully once you both know what rules are important to you both now, the consistency can fall better into place. And it's great that even though the physical aspect was missing, you can look back and see how he was still leading and very much still in control. Sounds like the advice you give me. ;)

    You already know, but I'll say it again, I'm here for you, and if I can help in ANY way, big or small, just let me know.

    Love and Hugs, EsMay

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    1. Woops, did not realize this comment was so long... sorry about that. {{{hugs}}}

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    2. Hi Es May, thank you so much for your sweet and very kind words. You really touched my heart ) I can't tell you how much I appreciate your care and support.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  5. hugs kisses and warm wishes. I think we all have these moments when we're just not feeling it. sorry to great about your mom and your pets. hope things start looking up soon.

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    1. Hi Coral, thank you so much, especially for the hugs, kisses and wishes, I truly appreciate it. Oh gosh, I hope things start looking up soon too!

      Hugs back
      Roz

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  6. Hey girlfriend this isn't whiling...it is sharing with friends! I ma so sorry about your cat, I have 2 brothers who are getting older, i understand how hard it can be. I had an irritating person at work..only she was the principal...oh the stories....and emergency happy hours....we had that year. Luckily she only lasted 1 year.
    Ideally DD is constant.....i am sure you have noticed...especially at this time of year....constant in an illusion. Not feeling it....but still wanting/needing it.....we have all been there.
    I also will keep your mom in my prayers....my sister was just telling me yesterday, that my mom is getting extremely frail....i am anxious to see her during the holiday...i have not seen her in a while.
    Hugs and good thoughts are heading your way....hang in there.
    hugs abby

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    1. Hi Abby, thank you so much. Oh gosh, it sounds as though it was a nightmare with your old principal in the job. I can relate to emergency happy hours LoL.

      Watching and caring for our fur baby is definitely very hard. Rick has been amazing though and incredibly supportive. Although some of the physical elements of DD may not be as present, I can see he has remained in control.

      Thank you for keeping Mum in your prayers. My parents are doing well right now. She goes to an organisation who arranges activities once a week which she enjoys and it also gives Dad a bit of respite. He is handling things incredibly well.

      Of course you are understandably concerned about your Mom and anxious to see her. I will keep her in my prayers.

      Thank you for the hugs and good wishes.

      Hugs back
      Roz

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  7. Roz, after seeing your name in the blog roll for a site I was on for Saturday spankings, I was so glad I decided to check out your blog. While I live BDSM, not DD, I related to this post. My Master was working a job with a horrible schedule that was killing Him; yes, that's past tense- they fired Him on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. Multiple additional problems have been causes for stress and then yesterday my period started, so I relate with wanting to whine. And also considering things. I don't have specific rules really- beyond rules about tone of voice, how we live our polyamory for instance, more general expectations. I definitely understand "not feeling into it." I always find it interesting that "vanilla" people will often get confused when I explain that my Master will order "relax" at this time of the month- no joke :D "Go eat some chocolate and lay on the couch" is what I'm most likely to hear.

    I do look forward to reading more on your blog, like on days when things haven't given you a reason to whine :D

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    1. HI Joelle,

      Thank you so much for your kind comment and welcome! It's wonderful to meet you :)

      Oh gosh, life sure kicks us in the a$$ sometimes doesn't it? I'm sorry to hear you are also going through a rough time and hope things improve for you soon.

      We have some specific rules and other's that are expectations. "Go eat some chocolate and lay on the couch" ... that's an order I can cope with! LoL. Rick does the same ordering me to relax.

      Thank you again for reading and for your comment. I shall endeavour to post something a bit more 'cheerful' or seasonal soon :)

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  8. I think lots of people struggle this time of year (I know I do). It's stressful enough with all the shopping, baking, parties, etc. And you have all this on top of it to deal with. Does not sound like you're whining at all.

    I am so very sorry to hear about your mom and your cat.

    lots of hugs,
    aurora

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    1. Hi Aurora,

      Thank you so much for your kind words. It certainly is stressful enough this time of year without everything else going on. Things are feeling a little brighter now with Rick's help. He has been so incredibly supportive.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  9. Oh Roz, I'd been wondering if something had happened. It's so unusual not to see your sweet comments everywhere. I was starting to worry. Looks like I should have worried more! I'm really glad you were able to relax from Rick's attentions, and if the spanking gave you relief it was much deserved.

    There are several in blogland who have walked the path of a parent with Alzheimer's, and they can offer you better support than I can.

    The sad thing is that knowing about your cat earlier may not have done any good and may have put you in a terrible place of having to choose not to do procedures with very little chance of success.

    Hugs and love. We are all here for you.

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    1. Hi Ana, thank you so much for your sweet words. Things have been rather crazy here lately so I haven't been around much. I'm sad that I haven't kept up with the advent calendar and hope I can get back on track now.

      It has been a roller coaster but I am starting to feel a little brighter now. The good thing for my parents is the wonderful amount of support available to them.

      Dealing with kitty is hard ... trying to medicate, groom, clean her etc but she has perked up considerably the last few days. I know it's the drugs but seeking her perk up makes me much happier.

      Rick has been incredibly supportive and amazing. We had our dinner out Saturday night and he did everything he could and worked his 'magic' to get me to breathe and relax and have a night 'off' everything.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  10. So sorry that things aren't going well. I hope your mom gets all the loving care that there is to give, I will pray for all of you. I don't know what to say about the co-worker, why does there always have to be one sour apple in the bucket. I can only imagine the struggle you are feeling with you cat.
    Sometimes it seems that ttwd get put on a shelf. But that is usually when times are harried and we have no time to think. I know that this is usually the time we need that reminder spanking so as to feel safe.
    Hugs to ya

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    1. Hi Blondie, thank you so much for your lovely words and prayers. They are very much appreciated.

      My parents are getting a wealth of support. There is an organisation that arranges respite care and outings and activities for Alzheimers patients and the elderly. Mum goes one day a week and really enjoys it and it gives Dad a wee break. At this stage they are coping extremely well at home.

      Funny how there always seems to be that one person at work eh?

      Dealing with kitty is hard with medication, grooming, washing etc and generally giving her attention and keeping an eye on her. She has really perked up the last couple of days which is good, although I know that is the drugs.

      Rick has been amazing and so supportive of me emotionally. Saturday night he did everything he could to ensure I enjoyed our evening and relaxed for a while. He also gave me a 'yummy' spanking :) I can see that although some of the physical aspects aren't in the forefront, he is definitely still leading.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  11. Omgoodness, a blog uses its usefulness if one cannot whine! Because seriously, some stuff really does just suck.
    Sorry about your mom. It's awesome that they have a support system available.

    And your kitty, oh Roz, that is one of those things that really does just suck. I'm sorry. Cancer is a tricky beast in any species. Don't beat yourself up. We're only human, and we can only do/change so much.

    Would it be completely inappropriate and juvenile of me to suggest lacing your coworker's tissue with super glue or some kind of hot sauce?

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. Seriously, I can't spell. Sorry! "loses" , not "uses." Sigh. My bad. Twice...

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    3. Hi Lil, thank you so much for your kind words, I really appreciate it. It really did help to write about everything here and once again, I've been humbled and amazed by the wonderful support I have received from my blog family.

      My parents have got a lot of support available to them. Mum goes to an organisation one day a week who arranges activities for Alzheimers patients and the elderly and really enjoys it which is great. It gives Dad a break. At the moment they are managing really well at home.

      Thank you for your words about kitty. It does suck, and it's hard ... medication etc. She has perked up and started eating again the last few days. I know that's the drugs, but at this point I'll take it.

      I love your suggestion LoL. Would you believe I actually drew his name for a secret santa gift! Hmm, the possibilities ...

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  12. Oh Roz, so sorry your having a rough time. I'm going through a bit of a funk myself. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now. I'm here hoping things get better for you soon my friend. Sending big hugs your way.

    xo

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    1. Hi Bonnie,

      Thank you so much for your kind words and hugs.

      We are dealing with quite a bit right now but I am feeling a bit better about things now. Writing it all here and the amazing support I have received here has helped a lot. Rick has been incredibly supportive and strong and has been there for me throughout.

      I hope things are looking brighter for you too. Hugs back.

      Roz

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  13. I wrote this long comment and before it posted, the internet connection was lost. Guess that was a sign. Just know that I'm sending you all the positivity I can and give you hugs and glad we're here so you can vent.

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    1. Hi Sunny, thank you so much, your words mean so much. I am feeling a bit better. Being able to vent here and the incredibly support from my blog family has really helped. The support here never ceases to amaze me.

      Rick has been so amazing and incredibly supportive. He did everything he could on Saturday to make sure I took some time to relax and enjoy myself for a while ... including a rather yummy spanking :)

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  14. Big hugs, first of all.

    I get that way too. I've not been around much this week.. I just don't feel like it.
    I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. My grandmother is in the final stages and it's very hard.
    There is nothing you could've done for your cat. You know how animals are. They're not like people when it comes to bring sick. You can't see it coming until it's way, way past. I'm sure you're the best cat-mom (s)he could have!
    I'm glad Rick is there for you :)
    Hugs,
    Elle

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    1. Hi Elle,

      Thank you so much for your sweet comment. I'm sorry it has taken me so long to reply. I have been away from blogland for a bit and now trying to get back into it.

      At this stage my parents are doing really well on their own. Mum goes to an organisation that arranges activities and outings etc for Alzheimers and elderly patients and is really enjoying it. It gives Dad a 'breather' for a day too. It occurred to me that we need to make the most of family time this holiday as we can't know how 'present' she will be with us next year.

      It is hard watching kitty and caring for her, but the meds she is on has perked her up no end and got her eating again so that is encouraging, even though I know it is only the meds doing it.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  15. Roz,

    You are such a faithful reader and a good bloggie friend. Please don't feel the need to apologize for not commenting/or reading! And Lil is right: A blog has to be a place to whine, too.

    Oh gosh, its so hard to watch the parents age. I totally understand about your mum. Just do what you can and try not to bog yourself down with the things you think you should be doing.

    And your furbaby! Really and truly, there is nothing you could have done differently.

    Please be kind and gentle with yourself (so many blue hugs to you).

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    1. Hi Bleuame,

      Thank you so much for your lovely words and for the hugs. It is very much appreciated. Sorry I have taken so long to respond. I have been awol from blogland for a bit and now trying to get back into it.

      It is difficult watching Mum, but my parents are doing really well on their own at the moment and she has a day once a week where she does activities and goes on outings etc with others. It also gives Dad a day's 'breather'.

      I can't help the 'what if's' over kitty. If only I had picked it up earlier ... She is on meds that have perked her up no end and got her eating again for now so that is encouraging.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  16. Hugs Roz. Life gets carried away, doesn't it. Don't worry about having a less-than-happy post once in awhile. This is your blog and you need to vent. Be sure to take moments to yourself wherever you can and try to lean on Rick for support and not push him away. Hugs!!!

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    1. Hi Chickie, thanks so much for your kind words and hugs, I really appreciate it. Sorry I have taken so long to respond. I've been awol from blogland for a bit.

      I'm so glad that I can use this space to vent and for the wonderful support and encouragement of my blog family.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  17. Roz, so sorry to hear you are struggling right now. I really wish I had something to say that would be helpful. I think we have the idea that holidays are supposed to be magical and wonderful. For so many of us it can be a time of huge struggles. Feeling like you're the only one not in the mood just seems to magnify that for me. Holidays are stressful. It's okay to not be the smiling life of the party. Hold on to Rick and let yourself experience the season however you need to! Sending hugs, Clara

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    1. Hi Clara,

      Thank you so much for your lovely words and the hugs, I really appreciate it. Sorry I have taken so long to respond.

      Things are starting to feel a little brighter. Kitty is perking up and eating thanks to meds and Rick has been so amazing and supportive.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  18. I know exactly what you mean, Roz. This time of year seems to add lots of stress for everyone. Getting ready for the holiday, all the parties and gatherings; it's a balancing act. I just try and take one day at a time. I'm fortunate that I don't have to deal with that annoying person at work. Being self-employed shelters me from a lot of workplace stress. I still have the stress of this being our busiest time of year, but at least all I have to worry about is getting the work done. Oh, and not getting too snippy with hubby. As several above replies said, hang on to Rick and things will improve.
    Holla

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    1. Hi Holla,

      Thank you so much for your kind words. Sorry it has taken me so long to respond.

      It is very stressful right now and work particularly so. You are fortunate not to have to deal with a lot of workplace stress. One of the benefits of being self-employed. Then again, I guess that brings it's own different stressors.

      Things are starting to feel a little brighter and Rick has been so incredibly supportive.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  19. Really sorry you've felt a bit down in the dumps, and particularly sorry to hear your mum has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I am glad they don't live too far away from you as I am sure you will be very supportive.

    It's always very sad when a beloved pet gets very sick and you know you won't have them for long, but I am sure you gave your cat lots of loving care and she wouldn't have wanted a home with anyone else.

    As for the job. Maybe you could find something else? I know that my last job was one of the best I ever had, and I only had it because the people in my previous job drove me nuts. Leaving that place was the best decision I made. Why not have a look around and see if there is anywhere else you would rather work. Or even consider a different type of job. You are never too old to change direction, and maybe there is something you have been hankering to do for years?

    As for TTWD, we all have these highs and lows. I am beginning to think of it as normal. Perhaps if we didn't have the lows we wouldn't appreciate the highs so much? It seems to me that Rick has the situation pretty well covered. (Or should I say, the bottom!) LOL!

    Many hugs, and I am sending you some prayers and positive thoughts.

    Ami

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    1. Hi Ami, thank you so much for your lovely words and hugs, I truly appreciate it. I'm so glad I can come here to vent and for the wonderful support from my blog friends.

      My parents are doing well on their own at the moment and I'm so glad there is a lot of wonderful support available to them when they need it. Mum now has a day a week she goes to an organisation who arranges activities and outings and is really enjoying it. It also gives Dad a break.

      It is hard watching kitty as well as caring for her and medicating her. She has picked up a lot with the medication.

      As for the job ... you make an excellent suggestion. It's a scary step because although I may not be overly enthusiastic it is 'comfortable' (well, apart from the irritations!). It's something I have been giving some thought to.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  20. I am sorry your are in such a funk Roz, but surely it has to get better again, right? And usually when the inconsistency is taken care of, other things start to line up again as well.
    Thinking of you.

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    1. Hi Julia, thank you and I'm sorry for taking so long to respond. Things are starting to feel a little brighter and Rick is being so amazing and supportive. I've realised he is very much still in control and giving me what I need right now ... including a few 'yummy' spankings :)

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  21. It is a joyous time of year...it is also a time full of chaos, stress, and loneliness. I am sorry you have been struggling with so much. I wish you strength as you cope and hugs throughout it all.

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    1. Hi Terps, thank you so much for your lovely words and hugs, I really appreciate it. I'm so thankful for the support of my blog family.

      It isn't easy right now, but things are starting to look a little brighter now.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  22. I'm sorry you've got your plateful of woes at the moment. Of course you can rant on your blog, I hope typing it out helps a little.
    Dealing with ailing pets is hard, I sometimes feel a little guilty that I didn't do more for my cat at the end, but there was nothing to do and they can't tell you how they feel, which makes it harder.
    December is a mixed month. So much expectation of joy and happiness, when it does arrive it feels doubly bad. I'm sure things will lift again for you.
    I used to wear headphones at work, not to listen to music, but to drown out the sound of lab equipment whirring away in the background, ok, plus the irritating whining of some work colleagues.
    I stood next to an old lady with dementia today, listening to kids singing xmas carols. She whistled, clapped and sang along. In her own world she was happy and oblivious to her childlike behaviour. I know it is tough, but I suspect your mum will find her own happiness. Sending your family prayers.
    big hugs
    DF

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    1. HI DF, thank you for your sweet words and hugs. I'm so glad I can come here to vent. Writing it down here and the wonderful support I have received has really helped. I am so thankful for my blog family.

      It is hard dealing with kitty, caring for her, medicating here etc. I can't help feeling guilty and thinking "what if", "if only I had picked it up sooner" etc. She has perked up considerably on the meds.

      Your story about the elderly lady made me smile. My parents are doing really well on their own at the moment and I'm so glad there is a lot of support and assistance available to them when they need it. At the moment Mum goes to an organisation one day a week that organises activities and outings and really enjoys it. It also gives Dad a breather for a day.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  23. Whine away!! I'm sorry to hear about all of this... well, except for the surprise spankings of course!

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    1. Thank you so much Misty, I'm sorry I have taken so long to respond. Things are feeling a little brighter now and yes, I think the surprise spankings where probably exactly what I needed LoL. Ok, I KNOW they were!

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  24. Aww sweet Roz…I am so sorry you have all this stress to deal with! Dang…that totally sucks to find out your mom has Alzheimer’s but happy to hear that there is a lot of good support for your parents. You did nothing to cause your kitty to have cancer…unfortunately sh*t happens!

    Christmas is actually a very stressful, sad time of year for many people…BTW…is there a rule book that states you have to be in a happy or joyous mood this time of year?

    As far as TTWD goes, with everything else you have going on, the physical manifestations might have fallen off but it sounds as if Rick is still there for and supporting you…and that is what an HoH/Daddy does!

    Be easy on yourself sweet lady. Sending lots of prayers, healing energy and positive thoughts. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you.

    Hugs and Blessings…
    Cat

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    1. Hi Cat, thank you so much for your lovely words and hugs. I truly appreciate it.

      Yeah, the Alzheimers does suck but it's so good there is a lot of support and assistance available to my parents when the need it. It occurred to me we are going to have to make the most of our family time this holiday because we can't know how 'present' she will be next Christmas.

      I can't help but feel some guilt over kitty ... if only I had acted sooner etc. It is hard watching her, caring for her and medicating her etc. The medication has perked her up no end though.

      You hit the nail on the head (or butt :) re TTWD. I have realised that Rick is very much still in control and he has been amazing and so supportive. Giving me exactly what I need.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  25. Roz, you seem to have so much on, you really need to concentrate on looking after yourself in order to get through. For all that this is a wonderful time of year it is also probably the most stressful too. We have people dropping like flies at work, either off ill (and two with stress) or they are moaning and annoying others and bringing the rest down with them.
    Take care and come back to talk again if you need it without worrying about being seen as a whiner

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    1. Hi Janey, thank you so much for your kind words. It really is a stressful time of year isn't it? and more so for us this year.

      Today it was me dropping off from work. A tummy bug would you believe on top of everything else. At least I had a day at home resting and doing nothing :)

      Things are starting to feel a little brighter and Rick is being so amazing and supportive.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  26. Hi Roz, :) I was sorry to hear that you are feeling down in the dumps. So many people that care about you around here. Let us lift you up a bit and carry you through until you feel better. You certainly put smiles on the faces of this community every day!!! Feel better soon.

    The diagnoses of Alzheimers/dementia regarding a parent is tough. I know it well as my dad deals with that. There are definitely others around who have family with this as well. It is not easy, but at the same time there are moments of so much simple joy and love to take in. I'd be happy to talk with you about this any time that you feel like it. I am glad that your mom has the support available to her and your dad.

    As for your cat! Aww! I am sorry to hear about that. Our pets bring us tons of happiness and it is hard when something happens. Don't go blaming yourself for the "what if's". We all love our pets and do the best that we can there.

    Sending you many hugs, and hope that things look up for you really soon! :)

    <3 Katie

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    1. Hi Katie, thank you so much for your very kind words. I'm so glad I have this place to vent and so thankful for my blog family. The wonderful support and encouragement I have received has really lifted me a lot.

      Thank you for sharing your story re your Dad. It is hard isn't it? At the moment my parents are doing really well, but I am so glad there is a lot of support and assistance available to them.

      Dealing with kitty is hard, caring for her and medicating her etc. I can't help feeling somewhat guilty .. what if I'd picked it up earlier etc.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  27. gosh. yes 1) missing a day's reading means falling behind way way more than you thought. 2) i can understand life getting in the way. 3) rest assured that ttwd comes and goes and sometimes seems non existent. but that's just cos everything's working the way it's supposed to. i enter as exhibit A - fighting screaming getting impatient and resentment. any of those show their ugly heads? no? then all's exactly as it should be.

    i've learnt a lesson recently from bikss. just cos it seems ttwd's missing and he hasn't been dommy, it doesn't mean it isn't there and working its magic in the background.

    i also learnt if i want a release and a physical session, i need to open my mouth to ask.

    maybe you could too?

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    1. Hi Fondles, thank you :) You know, I've realised that Rick has continued to be in charge and has been giving me exactly what I needed, including some 'yummy' spankings. Hmm, impatience? maybe there has been a little, but I think it's because of the stress lately. Funny isn't it how just because the physical aspects of ttwd may not be so strong, we sometimes take that at a sign it is non-existent when really that isn't the case.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  28. Hi Roz, I really identify with this post, I am so sorry about your poor little cat. It's so hard to lose them. i too am having trouble with work mates, actually the girls who are supposed to take over my classes are letting me down and I am struggling. like you ttwd is infrequent but a spanking just does make me feel better. I hope everything gets better soon
    love Jan.xx

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    1. Hi Jan, thank you so much. I'm so sorry you are struggling too right now and am thinking of you. I hope all goes well with the doc today.

      I've realised that Rick is very much in control and is giving me what I need right now ... including some 'yummy' spankings :)

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  29. You do have quite a bit going on so it's not surprising that you're not exactly in the holiday spirit, though perhaps after a few more "holiday spankings" you could be! lol I'm glad you and Rick talked and working on a way to reconnect even more.

    hugs
    p

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    1. Hi P, thank you :) things are a bit tough right now, but starting to feel a little brighter. Rick has been so amazing and supportive. I've realised he is still very much in control and is giving me what I need ... including some 'yummy' spankings :)

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  30. Sometimes I think discouragements fall all in on each other like an avalanche. You try to dig yourself out one handful of snow at a time but you really can't do it yourself. More snow piles on.

    I hope you and Rick find some more gentle spots for connection--in that place where you can let down your guard a bit. I know it's hard. I wish there was a "fix" button but it doesn't work that way. Maybe we can find each other in chat some early morning/late evening and yack.

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    1. Hi Susie, thank you so much for your kind words. You are so right, things have been pilling up on each other and it is tough right now, especially nursing and caring for poor kitty.

      Rick has been amazing and supportive and has been giving me exactly what I need. Last Saturday he did everything he could to get me to relax and take a night off worrying about everything. We have found the odd moment to connect and just be which was very much needed.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  31. Oh Roz, first off - I want to send a couple hugs your way! You're always so sweet, so it's so sad to read that things aren't going too well right now.

    When things go wrong, it really does seem to usually happen in groups, and that just makes it that much harder to deal with. I hope things settle down and you start feeling better and happier soon!

    You're so sweet to mention the advent calendar, so thanks for that - and cheer up! :)

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    1. Hi Kenzie, thank you so much for your lovely comment and hugs. Once again I've been amazed by the support and encouragement I have received from my blog family.

      Things really do seem to pile up on each other don't they? Things are finally starting to feel a little brighter.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  32. Oh gosh Roz I am so sorry about your mom. My mother has Alzheimers as well. It is so hard as they progress. I feel that each daily moment, Holiday or family event is so precious. I get tears in my yes even writing this. Sigh--- email me anytime if you have questions or just need to talk.
    I am sorry about your cat...da** ---our pets are our family!
    As to TTWD every part of life has ups and downs. I know that for me...with P's recent surgery...it has been .....difficult to get our groove back...
    Just give yourselves time and things will right themselves.

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    1. Hi Minelle, thank you so much for your lovely comment. Alzheimers is hard isn't it? It occurred to me that we need to make the most of family time this holiday as we don't know how 'present' mum will be next Christmas. A the moment my parents are doing really well, but I'm so glad there is a lot of support and assistance available to them when they need it.

      I have realised that Rick is still very much in control. He has been so amazing and supportive and has been giving me exactly what I need right now.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  33. I have decided that no matter where you work, there is always one who fills the role of constant irritant.

    I am so sorry about your mom's diagnoses and also about your cat's diagnoses. I think it is a rule that your period always comes at the worst possible time, because periods are like that...grrr. On a happier note, at least the spanking helped.

    Advent is a time of preparation and waiting, perhaps that time will see you welcoming Christmas, even if it is in a more quiet way than the rest of the world. I hope you can be gentle with yourself even if you don't feel particularly cheery.

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    1. Hi Cygnet, thank you so much for your lovely comment. Things are difficult right now, but are starting to feel a little brighter.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  34. Hi roz, this is short because I'm using my phone but I will email you tomorrow , meantime I'm sending you big hugs, thinking of you xxx

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    1. Hi Kiwi, happy to see you and thank you so much for the hugs. I will be in touch via email.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  35. first off, hugs! second, I wonder if at times we believe they only want to be all dommy dom when convenient fir them, when in reality, they see we need a "break" so they are still there but giving us what we need - less dommy dom. I think at subs we don't realize that we forget to stop and breath, so they force it on us. When we notice they agree they have been less consistent, take over immediately, and we are left thinking "great, now He wants to be all Dom-like" The reality He was giving you what you needed without you realizing it and the moment we notice it's as if they decided "okay, enough breathing has occur, she is now mentally ready." Just a thought, as Sir agreed He has been relaxed and the moment I noticed He changed. At first I was frustrated, then realized He was giving me space, a breather, so I could figure stuff out appropriately so that we could move forward in a non-mental harm way. Does that make sense?

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    1. Hi HS, Thank you for the hugs, I truly appreciate it. I'm so glad I can vent here and so thankful for my blog family.

      Everything you said makes perfect sense. I've realised Rick was and still is very much in control and was giving me what I needed, including some 'yummy' spankings. He has been so amazing and supportive. It's funny how we somethings think ttwd is non-existent because the physical aspects of it aren't so present.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  36. I'm sorry about your mother's diagnosis, and also your poor kitty. Yes, I've worked with more than one keyboard-pounding-nose-honker in my day, but I've usually been allowed to wear giant over-ear headphones to block out the din. :) I'm always surprised by the powerful effect of a spanking, for myself as well as Julia. It really helps us stay on track. :-D

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    1. Hi DH, thank you so much for reading and commenting. It's great to see you here :)

      Yeah, I think I'm going to have to plug into music at work like some other colleagues (including the culprit!).

      I have realised that Rick has remained in control throughout and has been giving me exactly what I needed, including some 'yummy' spankings. It is amazing what a spanking can do for both of us isn't it?

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  37. Yep, it does just suck!!! I'm so sorry. When it rains it pours. Since I'm so late to this party, I can't add anything that hasn't already been said. Hoping things will look up for you - it is the holidays, after all.

    Many hugs to you friend. Sending my best.....

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    1. Hi Sarah, thank you so much for your kind words and hugs, I truly appreciate it.

      When it rains it certainly does pour doesn't it? Things are feeling a little brighter now and Rick has been so amazing and supportive.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  38. Hi Roz, don't know if makes you feel any better, but we all get to feeling the way you described now and again. Remember when the big fad was all about calculating one's biorhythms? I think you must have had a week of triple low's!

    So sorry about your kitty. We had the same thing last year about this time and lost our cat to cancer just before Christmas. It is always so sad, but really, nothing you could have done would have likely changed the outcome.

    It is amazing how a spanking can do so much to improve one's countenance! I hope you get to feeling better real soon, because it really does suck to be feeling low!

    Hugs and Blessings,
    George

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    1. Hi George, thank you so much for your very kind words. I truly appreciate it.

      Things are definitely starting to feel a little brighter now thankfully.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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