Monday, 24 March 2014

More Answers - Hurdles and Changes Edition

I apologise for taking so long to answer all of your questions.  It's a slow process lol.  I also apologise for being a bit hit and miss lately in blogland. Life has been busy in Rick and Rozzie land plus we are mourning the end to summer and imminent end to longer daylight hours.

Tomsrose asked, Your biggest hurdle in DD when you first began?
We introduced DD into our relationship about 2 and a half years ago. Prior to DD we had indulged in spanking for fun and I guess you could say an element of D/s in the bedroom.  In addition, I have always had a tendency to defer to others to make decisions and so was already deferring to Rick in general.  

We reached a point where we decided we wanted to bring the dynamic out of the bedroom and into our everyday lives and discovered DD via blogs.  The rest, as they say is history.  Well ... not quite.

I think we can all agree that any ttwd relationship is not easy to establish let alone maintain.  The fact that spanking wasn't new to us didn't make it any easier because the fact is spanking was new to us in this context.  I should say I have always considered us to be a mixture of DD and D/s with a little bit of S/m thrown 

Initially, I think the biggest hurdle for each of us was learning our roles and fining our feet as well as learning to communicate better and earlier. It also takes time to develop the level of trust required in such a relationship. 

Rick was adamant when introducing DD that he wanted it to feel natural and not forced.  He also didn't want it to become something we did simply because it is something we do (brownie points if you can get my drift on that one!).  Prior to introducing DD we had a lot of fun together and loved to tease each other.  Rick was also adamant that he didn't want to lose this part of us as a result of DD.

This meant it took time for Rick to figure out and me to discover where the boundaries lay between acceptable and non-acceptable behaviour. For me, there were many surprises in the early days either thinking I had stepped over the line and wondering why he wasn't reacting ... it turned out, the reason he didn't react was that he didn't see the situation in the same way as I had.  That in itself was another learning curve for me.  That as HoH, how he sees the behaviour or situation is what matters.  Not how I view it.

On the other hand, there were also times Rick surprised me with a spanking or some other form of consequence which I really didn't expect.  
One thing we have discovered is that living this lifestyle is a constant learning curve and we still face some of the above hurdles from time to time.  

One of the biggest hurdles we faced early on, and continue to face is lack of consistency.  Not just on Rick's part, but on mine as well.  I have said it before but Dominance and submission really do feed off each other.  It can be very difficult to maintain one when the other isn't present.

Consistency kind of leads me on to the second question below so I think I'll leave this answer here.

Bleuame asked, Do you find the structure you have create in DD confining at times? 
There are times I find our DD structure confining.  Not being able to do what I want to when I want.  There are a number of things I am not allowed to do without seeking permission first such as getting my hair cut or spending money. Also, I have to seek permission to go out and if Rick is not home when I leave, text him to let him know I am leaving and again when I return (if he is not home).  

There are times I feel like saying to heck with it, why should I need his permission anyway and just going ahead and doing it.  Needless to say, the occasions I have taken that path haven't worked out well for my butt!

I find it most restrictive if I am with friends of family without Rick and something spur of the moment crops up.  It is quite often difficult to seek and obtain permission in those circumstances.  Fortunately though, Rick understands this and is usually ok when this happens.  Unless of course it results in me doing something I know (or should know) he wouldn't approve of or if I go overboard (shopping for example).

Although I do at times find the lifestyle restrictive, there is also a great sense of freedom in my submission.  Whilst I have my opinions, and will voice those opinions, in fact Rick always seeks my view when making decisions, I don't have the responsibility and associated stress with making the final decision.  

I am truly free to be myself and Rick wants me to be myself.  I also feel loved and taken care of more than ever before.

How do you see your dynamic evolving?
It is hard to truly know how our dynamic may evolve in future.  For example, we some time ago we introduced Daddy/babygirl into our dynamic and before this happened I wouldn't have anticipated this change.  For us these are really just terms we use to help reinforce our roles. 

This question is well timed though as we are just starting to make some change in our dynamic.

I mentioned consistency above.  This is something that has been a constant hurdle.  We have found that for us there seems to be a real ebb and flow to our dynamic.  As some of you know, we took a break from our dynamic about mid way through last year for a period and I don't think we have really truly settled back into it since.  There have been long periods where ttwd was pretty non-existent.  The basic structure remained, the rules were never taken off the table.  However, consequences and accountability for adhering to the rules ceased along with role affirmation.

I got to the point where I was beginning to wonder whether Rick wanted DD anymore, whether he had lost interest.  We had some good conversations a couple of weekends ago and he assured me he does want this dynamic and that he likes what it brings us.  It was a matter of life getting in the way and perhaps both of us becoming lazy (for want of a better term).  TTWD relationships do take work, like any relationship to maintain. 

Rick also said he needed to re-evaluate our rules and decide what ones are important to him.  We have discovered that there is no point in having rules unless they are things he truly cares about.  He then surprised me by telling me he would like to explore D/s more as well as an element of S/m.

Things have been interesting here in Rick and Rozzie land since!  Last Thursday I was instructed to remove my panties then hand them to him at lunch time.  Boy that was hot!  We went to a cafe for lunch, my panties came along too, but in Rick's pocket.  He kept threatening to wave them around the cafe!

Last Saturday night I was instructed to not wear a bra and that I was to wear a top that allowed easy access (at least I kept my panties this time!). Rick was out for the afternoon and upon returning home immediately proceeded to check that I had followed instructions.  This was shortly followed by our first R/A session in what feels like forever, which included the dreaded plastic pole mentioned in my previous post.

It was a delicious evening ending in some amazing bedroom action which included some more spanking, pinching, pulling and 'tweaking'.

Es May asked, If you could only pick to keep one implement each, what would it be? Why?
Rick's answer was the cane.  Something about it being versatile. Whatever!   (Shh, I did NOT just use the "w" word).  Me, I'm going to say his hand, because I like the intimacy of skin on skin and well .. while it certainly packs a punch it's generally less evil than his favourite implement! 

Sunday, 16 March 2014

Some More Answers

OK, now I have (almost) stopped blushing after my last post I thought it was time to answer some more of your questions.  I'm sorry it is taking me a while to get to all of the wonderful questions we have been asked and I hope you will bear with me.

Ronnie asked,
If you could throw away one implement, what would it be?
One of our implements is a short plastic pole which is actually off the end of a cat toy lol.  It hurts like the dickens and I imagine it would be very similar to a window blind tilt wand.  I would be more than happy if I never saw it again!

Who would you want to play the role of you in a movie?
Oh gosh.  I really don't know.  I have no real idea why really but I'm thinking Naomi Watts or Gwyneth Paltrow.

Rick and I both love the Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan combination in romantic movies such as Sleepless In Seattle and You got Mail though.  So perhaps Meg :)

Quiet Sara asked,
what is your favorite act of submission for Rick?
I would have to say sitting at his feet at night while watching TV, listening to music etc while he rubs my back, plays with my hair while giving it the occasional tug (love that!).  Kneeling in front of him while we talk or while he lectures me.  I also love to serve him by doing little things for him like fixing his drink etc.

I guess that was more than one thing.  See, I sometimes have trouble following instructions :) 

Kenzie asked,
What was your most memorable spanking?
There have been a number of spankings that have been memorable for different reasons and they have been different type of spankings also. Punishment, R/A, and even some 'play' spankings. 

There are two that stick out for me.  (Again, not following instructions :)  I posted about these at the time because they were significant to me and I think milestones for us.  They both happen to be punishment spankings. 

The first is one occasion I visited my parents on my own.  To drive to my parents place involves having to travel a notorious stretch of road. It is also a rule that when I go out I am to text when leaving and when I return home if Rick is not home when I leave/return so that he knows I am safe.

On this occasion I failed to contact Rick when I got home.  To this day I can't explain why.  It didn't help that the weather was somewhat inclement and it was evening.  Rick was also away that night so would not know when I returned home, which made letting him know even more important to him.  Having not heard from me he phoned after a while.  I remember being so shocked at both the panic and relief in his voice.  

The spanking which followed a few days later was the hardest I had received up to that point and it was also the first time he used a belt.  It wasn't just the spanking itself though.  The lecture he gave me was awful. He was extremely serious and I was crushed to realise how much I had worried him.  This was the moment I truly discovered just how protective he had become.

I wear a vanilla collar (necklace).  I am to wear it at all times, except when I go to bed and in the shower, unless I have permission not to wear it for any reason.  It is a symbol of, and reminder of our relationship and our dynamic and holds huge emotional value to both of us.  I love wearing it. It reminds me that I am his and he loves to see me wear it.  I also love the fact that it can be seen by others, but  only we know what it represents.

I forgot to put it on one morning in my rush.  Yep, you guessed it. Spanking number two!  Let me just say I have NEVER forgotten again since!  It was another serious spanking and I discovered just how important the collar and what it represents is to him.

The above spankings were memorable because they were issues Rick felt very strongly about and that was when I realised just how seriously he took them. I was blown away. They were emotional and I think the lectures and the strong feeling of connection and intimacy during and after these punishments were perhaps more memorable than the spankings themselves.  

Given the reasons for these spankings.  They were a realisation for me and reinforced how much Rick loves and cares for me and his desire to protect me.  While not pleasant at the time they each left me feeling totally loved and cared for. 

George asked,
Have yall ever visited a clothing optional beach, and if not would you want to? 
Funnily enough, one of the beaches we visit during summer is a 'clothing optional' beach.  However, it is a rather large beach and those who choose optional clothing tend to contain to a particular area ... which is well away from us lol.  

It isn't something that appeals to either of us.

Monday, 10 March 2014

Some Answers

Thank you for your fantastic questions.  I received a number of really great thought provoking questions and thought I would split them up and answer over a couple of posts.  Also, some of the questions are directed at both of us so I need to pin Rick down and get his answers.

Chickadee asked, are you able to connect with people from your country who have DD/ttwd relationships?

This also ties in with Jan who asked,  have you ever met another blogger in real life or are you too far away?

So far I have only been able to connect with other's in DD/ttwd relationships online through blogs, online chat and email.  I have yet to meet a blogger in person and am envious of those of you who have been fortunate enough to do so.

I am in regular contact with Kiwigirliegirl and would love to be able to meet in person one day, although we do live in different cities.  Different Islands in fact.  It would also be great to connect with other NZ couples as we haven't as yet.

I can't really see the opportunity arising to meet some of the many wonderful friends I have made from overseas.  That would be simply amazing and I would so love to be able to do so.

Tori asked, favourite book/author (no kink)?  I have not actually read that many non-kink authors.  To be honest, I have probably read more kink authors than non-kink lol.  

My favourite non-kink author is Sydney Sheldon and I have read all his books.  I loved the mystery and intrigue and plot twists and turns and trying to figure out the mystery as I read along.  Tori, I will answer your other questions in the next post.

Tomsrose asked:

Do you have a favorite movie?

Ok, I admit I like mushy rom-coms and there are so many I love! LoL. My favourites are Ghost, Shakespere in Love and Love Actually.  I admit to being a Top Gun freak also.  Hey, what can I say?  I was exactly the right demographic when it came out lol.  I am sure there are some more serious movies on the list, but my mind is stuck on favourite rom-coms at the moment.

Craziest place you and your hubby have gotten down to business? 

Oh gosh, not sure I want to answer this one.  Ok, deep breath ... here goes.  We have been known to get hot and heavy at the office.  I have been spanked and given Rick blow jobs at his work ... in the evening of course once most everyone else has left for the day.

We have also gotten down to business alfresco in secluded laybys around the foreshore both in and out of the car.  Rose, I will answer your other question in the next post also.

Thank you again for your great questions.  I will post some more answers soon.  Also, I have got way behind on blogs over the last couple of weeks and am trying to catch up.  So far behind I don't think I will be able to catch up and am best to start afresh reading current posts.  I apologise if I have not visited you.

Thursday, 6 March 2014

The Weekend and March Q&A Month

Thank you for your wonderful comments and well wishes on my last post.  I'm sorry I haven't replied to your comments individually, I thought I would instead publish this update.

We had an absolutely amazing weekend and attended both of the Boss's concerts.  Our accommodation was a bit disappointing.  It was not what we had anticipated and the fridge froze everything, but it met its purpose and didn't detract from an amazing weekend.  Oh, did I say amazing? ... oh, I did.

We arrived Friday morning to discover a pit queue was forming for the first show.  For those who don't know, it is a system whereby if you have front section tickets you register and are given a number and to retain your number you have to turn up to the venue at certain allotted times for a roll call.  If you do that, you get to go ahead of the rest of the front section on the night which guarantees you a good spot. We were fortunate that there were only two roll calls Friday evening to attend.

The next roll calls were 8am and 1pm Saturday, at which point were were told to stay at the venue for the duration.  It was wonderful waiting it out with other fans and meeting people who shared the same passion from all over the world.  Kind of like blogland really :)  The weather was superb and there was plenty of food and drink etc.  Finally were were let into the stadium and Rick and I ended up right up front, on the rail.  It was interesting to watch the final preparations going on on stage, including the stage being vacuumed!

Bruce finally appeared on stage on his own with his signature guitar and harmonica and opened the show with his version of Royals from our own latest Kiwi sensation Lorde.  Then it was time for the E Street Nation to join him on stage.

During one song he came down to where were were and sat on the rail between Rick and I then proceeded to lean right back until he was practically lying on top of us.  I got to touch the Boss!!  Um ... no Willie, that is not a euphemism for something else! LoL.  It was a fantastic show and Bruce and the band ran through the whole of the Born In The USA album during the show.  There was definitely magic in the night.  (Yes, that is a song lyric :)

We could barely move to walk out of the stadium and people kept coming up to me on the way out saying they had seen me on screen and congratulating me on my moment.

We decided not to enter the pit queue for the second show as the previous day had been exhausting attending all the roll calls etc and we knew we would never make an 8am roll call after the previous night!  Instead we started the day in the leisurely manner.  We had a lovely brunch in town and headed to the venue much later.

This time we opted for the back of the front section.  Although not close to the action this time it was great as the screens were brilliant and we had a different perspective on the sound from further back.  Bruce gave us a different set list and this time ran through the entire Born To Run album.  I think between both nights both Rick and I heard most of our favourites.

It was a wonderful weekend and I am so happy that I was at Rick's side to witness his dream come true.    It far exceeded our expectations.

As for the anxieties I had before the event which I shared in my previous post, I am glad to say they didn't become much of an issue.  Rick was so understanding and patient about my concerns and did everything he could to ease my mind and ensure my comfort.  Even though he was there to see his idol and that was his main focus, he still put me first.  Have I mentioned before how much I love him? :)

The photos below are taken from Bruce and yes, we are in the first one :)  The girl with Bruce is a lucky audience member who was definitely not shy to sing into the microphone and was taken up to the main stage by Bruce and Stevie to continue the song

I have yet to catch up with blogland and everyone's posts from much of last week and hope you will forgive me.  I will more than likely continue to be awol for a little longer.

Also, March is Q & A month in blogland so please feel free to direct any questions you may wish to ask to me, Rick or to both of us in the comments.  If you don't wish to leave your questions in a comment, please email me at

I am also currently reading and thoroughly enjoying Milestones, an anthology of 7 different DD stories written by 7 wonderfully talented authors.  I hope to publish my review of this book shortly but I definitely recommend you add this to you reading lists!