Tuesday 13 August 2013

Taking A Break From DD

Thank you so much for your wonderful and encouraging comments on my last post and to those of you who contacted me to check in.  I can't tell you how much your support has meant to both of us.

Life has not been smooth in Rick and Rozzie land recently.  We are working through things and working very hard to reconnect and move forward.  I'm happy to say we are making good progress.  I know it is going to take some time and perhaps patience to rebuild trust, but we are getting there and slowly moving forward.

In my last post I talked about consequences for the HoH when he makes a mistake. I have seen that there most definitely are consequences, just not the same consequences we, as TiH face ... well, unless you deploy the Rogue method that is :)

This has been very hard on Rick. He has felt a tremendous amount of guilt and is also devastated that my trust has been ... well ... dented.  It has also shaken his confidence and right now he doesn't feel he has the right to lead.  Therefore, he made the decision to put DD on hold to give us breathing space to work through the issue as a couple.

From my perspective, I think it was a good decision for us.  Also, we both know that if Rick continued to lead right now it would feel forced which would not be good for either of us.

I have been quite surprised by his reaction and how seriously he is taking this.  This has also been a good thing as it has shown me his commitment to us and to our relationship which has helped slowly restore my faith in his leadership.

We have done a ton of communicating and have been working hard to move forward and are feeling much more connected again.

It feels strange.  No rules. No consequences. NO ROLE AFFIRMATION!  Yippee!  I should be over the moon and going crazy doing whatever I want ..... right?  Well .. no.  BTW, what does a TiH do as soon as rules are taken off the table?  Yep ... she pays a visit to the hairdresser! LoL.  I did talk to him about it first and reassured him I would not do anything drastic and that I would stick to the usual boundaries. Still, I could tell he wasn't overly happy about it as he didn't think my hair needed cutting anyway.  It certainly felt strange to him not being able to say no LoL.

So what does this mean? I guess perhaps the rules haven't been taken off the table as such, but they are not being enforced.  I am continuing to adhere to some rules and some we have let slide.  The rules I am adhering to are rules that really matter to him/us.  They are about things like checking in and letting him know my whereabouts when apart so that he knows I am safe.  They are really more expectations, although they are expectations with consequences.   Some specific rules, such as asking permission for certain things .... like haircuts :) have been taken off the table.  It has been so strange 'telling' him things I am going to do rather than asking if I can.

Ultimately, our interactions have not really changed.  The underlying foundations of our dynamic are very much still there.  DD has given us tools to communicate better, create more closeness and generally enhance our relationship.  I am convinced if we never go back to DD (although I can't see that happening) these tools will remain with us.

Rick is regaining his confidence and I sense he is tentatively reaching out for his HoH hat, but just not quite ready to put it back on his head yet.  To be honest, I'm not sure that I am ready to fully embrace my role yet either.

We had a lovely night Saturday night just connecting as a couple.  It was what we needed.  We cooked a lovely meal together.  Once we finished eating he got up and came round to stand behind me still sitting at the dining table and gave me a neck and back massage.  Later, I tentatively asked him how he felt about spanking now and he said he just wanted to focus on us right now ... then he followed up with "That doesn't mean I won't tan you hide for fun" LoL.  Let me just say he has retained his dominance in the bedroom :)

Sunday morning we were discussing something in bed, trying to decide what to do. He wanted to know what I thought.  I couldn't make up my mind so he made his up and said "I've made a decision".  I looked at him and said "Hey, you're not supposed to do that right now are you?" LoL.  Yep, I think he is starting to get itchy palms judging by some of his comments and looks!

I'm not sure how long it's going to take, but I'm confident that this



Will soon return to this 


 In the meantime.  I've already had my hair cut.  I'm wondering what else I can do.  Any suggestions? :)

58 comments:

  1. Hi Roz,
    Seems to me to be a very sensible decision. When something is broke the worse you can do is force it back together with cheap sticky tape, better to use strong glue and take your time.
    Glad you're still finding the connection in the bedroom. Sometimes relationships need to go back to basics, to communicate and woo each other again. Remind yourself of what works well.
    Suggestions - hide the scales?

    Big Hugs
    DF

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    1. Thank you so much DF,

      Yes, sometimes we do need to take a step back and go back to basics for a while. This week we have been dealing with some fairly serious external issues which hasn't helped, but we are feeling connected and slowly moving forward.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  2. Roz,

    ((Hugs)) I'm sure you and Rick will work through this rough patch. My advice. Keep acting as if He has all the control. This will help Him gain His confidence back, while building your trust.

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    1. Thank you HS :) We are feeling much more connected and slowly moving forward.

      Yes, I think you are right. I am mostly acting as though he is still in control and we are maintaining most rules etc and I think it is helping.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  3. Hi Roz,
    It kind of looks like you haven't actually stopped DD as far as the most important aspects are concerned. As you mentioned>> "Ultimately, our interactions have not really changed. The underlying foundations of our dynamic are very much still there. DD has given us tools to communicate better, create more closeness and generally enhance our relationship." <<
    Even though the disciplinary aspects are on hiatus, it seems from the outside looking in that you're going through what many couples do who have been living a DD dynamic for a while. It's not uncommon to step back and go through a time of reevaluation and re-negotiation as a consensual couple living DD as one part of a relationship. Thankfully the most important parts of DD are still there... Love, Consent & Communication. The "spanking" or disciplinary aspects are only tools within the greater DD relationship choice.
    I wish you happiness Rick n Roz,
    # MrBBSpanker

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    1. Hi Mr BB,

      Thank you so much for your comment. This really gave me food for thought as I wasn't looking at it this way but you are right. I guess we haven't really stopped DD as far as the most important aspects are concerned. I think too that sometimes we do need to step back and reevaluate things.

      We are feeling so much more connected now and are slowly moving forward.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  4. Your DD on break looks like our DD...LOL. Okay not quite.

    I understand completely what you mean about the trust thing. We are also dealing with the Barney 'fear' right now. While dealing and talking has been a huge help, for our situation, him stepping up a little in subtle ways again, vocally has helped too. My only advice, and you so know where my experience level is at, is after watching Barney's reaction to my 'teasing' him about something he said, (like in bed with Rick and you) is to maybe start easing back on those comments soon? I think they test themselves, and if you find that you are starting to turn back to the Dd path desire, maybe let him run with the little things again. BUT what the heck do I know!

    Hugs to you both. The place you are emerging from is not a great deal of fun- but sometimes necessary it appears.

    love
    willie

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    1. Hey Willie,

      Thank you :) "what the heck do you know?" ... well ... a lot! Your comment makes much sense so thank you. You have no idea how you have helped me through out chats in processing all of this.

      It's funny, he is still very much expressing his 'opinion', but it is his opinion rather than a directive. Unfortunately, this week has been another rough one with some serious external factors to deal with, but we are feeling so much more connected and are taking things slowly.

      Love and Hugs,
      Roz

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  5. Hi Roz,
    I'm glad to see that you two are working together. Even though trust and confidence needs to be worked on, you still have the love, communication and closeness on your side.

    You can always go on a shopping spree or go get your nails done!
    Hugs,
    Kim

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    1. Hi Kim,

      Thank you :) You are so right, the most important things are very much still with us. We are moving forward and taking things slowly which I think is the best thing.

      LoL, shopping and nails ... I can definitely go for those! Thanks for the suggestions :)

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  6. Your break sound like just the thing you both need to work though your problems and come out stronger in the end. Sorry you have been struggling though.
    Whether the rules are in place or not sticking to at least the general structure I bet helps you and him feel connected.
    I bet your hair looks nice. I second the manicure idea. Maybe a pedicure or a massage too. Sounds like fun!

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    1. Thank you Zoe :)

      Yes, I definitely think this is what we need right now. We are 'mostly' sticking to the general structure and also to many of the rules, although some have been taken off the table for now and it is helping us feel connected. We are taking things slowly and moving forward.

      LoL - I do like the haircut, thankfully he does too! I love your pedi and massage ideas!

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  7. did it ever occur to you his decision to stop DD for a while is in fact him STILL leading you in this relationship? becos whatever you think DD is about, at the end of the day it's letting him lead you as a couple. and wanting to regroup and collect oneself is also a decision. the choice to NOT spank and NOT enforce rules is still a choice MADE. a decision. one that comes from a place of wanting to move the relationship forward.

    ta-da.

    you might have stopped the spanking and the enforcement of rules.. but i don't think you've stopped (or ever really can stop) DD *hugs*

    (did that ruin your DD-holiday tho? i didn't mean to.. honest. LOL)

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    1. Hi Fondles,

      Thank you so much for your comment. This really made me think because I wasn't looking at it this way ... and no ... you haven't ruined my DD holiday LoL

      Yes, it is about him leading us and the decisions he made do come from a place of wanting to move the relationship forward and what is best for us right now. You are also right that although enforcement of rules and "DD spanking" are off the table, the other elements of the dynamic are still very much in play.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  8. Oh Roz I think you're doing the right thing, for what it's worth, you two are from what I've read here, one the most sensible couple. So strong and your love for each other shows with every post. A little break is good, it will help you to deal with your emotions without any pressure :)

    With or without DD in your lives, you have come so far, that you will always have your roles inside you and I'm sure you will carry on communicating and working through this, with love, care and understanding for each other.

    Ok new hair do, check, I would have to agree with Kim, a shopping spree for those shoes you always wanted haha or that perfect dress, oh my the possibilities are vast lol

    I wish you all best from the bottom of my heart, that you both find your way back to each other, and hey spanking in the bedroom is so much fun :)

    Hugs x

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    1. Awe, thank you so much Missy :)

      Yes, I think it is the right thing for us at the moment. We are feeling much more connected and moving forward, taking things slowly. As you say, communication, love and care.

      Ooh, dress and shoes ... yes! LoL and yes, spanking in the bedroom is definitely fun *wink*

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  9. oh roz, i so feel for you right now, and i haven't read your recent posts but will do that today. you need some time to just be together and talk without fearing any OTK encounters. just BE. it's a good feeling and when you go back you'll be that much more prepared to bring your A-game. i'm sorry that you're going through this though....
    hugs,
    m.

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    1. Thank you so much Maryanne :)

      I think this really is the best thing for us right now. We do need to just 'be' as you said and it has been good for us. We are working through things and are moving forward. We are just taking things slowly, which I think is wise.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  10. I agree with Fondles. He is still leading and you are still observing the things most important to him. You are having fun in and out of the bedroom and you were able to get your hair trimmed. It's all good.

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    1. Thank you Sunny,

      I'm glad I posted this because I didn't really see that he was still leading until my good friends pointed it out to me :) .... and I think you are right :)

      We are still observing the most important aspects of our dynamic and are working through things and moving forward. We are taking things slowly.

      I do like the haircut, and thankfully so does he!

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  11. Roz, I think it is a good decision.
    Why would you break a rule? The rules either works and you want them, or do not work, so remove them.
    To follow what works for the family out of respect and love for my husband and my family .. it is love. You do not even have foreced rules, if you follow sound rules of love. And you may always have a spanking for fun. I think it looks attractive .. lol.

    Hugs,
    Mona Lisa.

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    1. Thank you Mona Lisa :)

      You raise a very good point. Most of our rules are things that are important to us and our relationship and you are right, I wouldn't want to break them. They are also more things we naturally do and are more expectations .. as you say, out of love and respect.

      We do have some rules however that are more about enforcing our roles within our dynamic, such as asking permission for certain things. It is more these rules that aren't being followed at the moment.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  12. Oh Roz, I really hope that things ease back to a place you are comfortable with. In the meantime.....
    get a speeding ticket
    get tipsy
    spend a fortune on his credit card
    forget to charge your phone
    let the car run out of petrol

    Oops only joking, don't do any of those things, just relax and be happy
    love Jan.xxx

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    1. Thank you Jan :)

      LoL, I think I'll pass on your suggestions, thanks anyway :)

      We are working through things and slowly moving forward. This past week has been a very difficult one due to external factors and that has derailed us from just focussing on us somewhat, but we are generally feeling more connected again.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  13. I think it's a great idea to put ttwd on the back burner while you work out other issues. It can actually help strengthen your ttwd bond when/if you guys find a happy place and get the ball rolling again. We have been working through major issues, and oddly enough as we started to jump hurdles we started falling back into our roles without even needing to discuss it. I hope everything works out with or w/o ttwd in your lives. I agree with Missy run and get that new haircut and stock up on shoes so I can live vicariously through you :)

    ~Tasha

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    1. Hi Tasha, Welcome! Thank you for reading and for your lovely comment.

      I think putting ttwd on the back burner has been good for us and allowed us to just focus on us. As I've mentioned, A lot of the general structure is still in place. I can see falling back into our roles kind of organically

      This past week has been a difficult one due to external factors and that has derailed us somewhat from focussing on us, but we are slowly working through things and moving forward.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  14. Hi Roz!
    It sounds like you are heading in the right direction and are still kid of living DD. I agree with the others, if you keep acting like he's in control it will build his confidence. I know for us, we are just starting out, but when I do what he asks or ask him for things I can see his shoulders push back a little and his chin is a little higher. I'm learning that in DD it's ab absolute give and take.....if you give your submission he will be more dominant. Just my .02! Good luck to you both.
    Subrina <3

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    1. Hi Subrina, Welcome! Thank you for reading and thank you so much for your comment.

      I wasn't seeing it this way but yes, a lot of our DD structure is still in place. For the most part, I have carried on as though he is still in control and I think it is helping him to regain his confidence. It's also helping me to.

      We are working through things and moving forward and I'm sure we will come out of this even stronger. We are just taking things slowly.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  15. Oh honey, I'm sorry your having a rough time right now. As others have said it doesn't really sound like much of a break. The dynamic is still there. My advice? Stick with the rules even though there is no punishment. You wouldn't want to upset things more than they already are. I know, I'm probably no fun. Lol

    Hang in there. Things will get better.

    xoxo

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    1. Thank you Bonnie :)

      Yes, a lot of the basic structure is still in place, but at the moment there is no enforcement or role affirmation and certain rules aren't being observed. These are rules mainly designed to enforce our roles. As I said to Mona Lisa, I am still keeping to the other rules, because they are the things that are important to us.

      We are working through things and slowly moving forward.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  16. WEll it sounds like this break was definitely necessary. Maybe its the whole one step back, and then leap forward thing?

    I don't know, for a while there for example, I was thinking DH was forgetting about ttwd, I brought it up a few times, and I could tell he was figuring something about. Now he is more into it again, I don't know. This ttwd thing is hard!!!

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    1. Thank you Julia :)

      Taking a bit of a breather from certain aspects of DD has definitely been a good thing for us. It has allowed us to just focus on us and I'm hoping we will come out of this even stronger. This stuff is definitely hard!

      We are working through things and slowly moving forward.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  17. Hi Roz, Sorry to hear that y'all are not in sync and have had to regroup. Trust is a fragile thing and it does take time to rebuild. A break was a good idea for you both.

    Getting your hair cut was the perfect act or rebellion. It speaks volumes!

    When I have done something to dent Nina's trust, after a time, when she is ready to put it in the past, she will do something special, yet small, for me such as buy a magazine with an article of some subject that I am interested in, and give it to me with a smile. It tells me that she has gotten past the situation and is ready to move on. Non-verbal communication says so much more than words! When you are ready you might try something similar.

    Good luck and blessing to you both,
    George

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    1. Thank you George :)

      I did talk to him about the haircut beforehand and wouldn't have gone ahead if he really objected.

      Trust does take time to rebuild and taking a break from certain aspects of DD has been good for us. It has allowed us to just reconnect and focus on us. We are working through things and slowly moving forward.

      Thank you for your suggestion too. It is a very good idea!

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  18. So you've taken spanking and some rules off the table, but he is still the HOH. That's great!!
    I'm sorry this is a rough and rocky road right now.mhowever, it sounds like you guys are on the right road. You're doing what you need to to get back on the smooth road.

    Hugs

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    1. Thank you Sarah,

      Although I didn't see it this way at the time you are right, a lot of aspects of our dynamic are still in place and I guess he is still leading, just 'differently' .. if that makes sense?

      This break has been good for us and we are working through things and slowly moving forward. We are both slowly regaining confidence in our roles.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  19. Sheesh, I won't encourage you to rebel ... or 'help' relieve him of his guilt. :D
    Just know that I'm rooting for you...

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    1. LoL Rogue :)

      Thank you so much for your support. We are working through things and are both slowly regaining our confidence. He is starting to let go of the guilt as well.

      We are taking things slowly but are moving forward.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  20. ohhhhhhhh i have loads of suggestions but probbly not good ones so I wont say anything (im not in the most submissive of places myself eitehr at the moment)
    glad thing are getting better Roz....keep your chin up...keeping working at it...give my love to Rick and to you and Im sure you will all be good again very soon
    hugs kiwi xxx

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    1. Hi Kiwi,

      Thank you for all the support you have given us lately, both through the quakes and everything else. I sincerely hope things get better for you soon and that some of the stress you are under eases.

      Oh yes, I'm sure I could think of loads of things LoL

      We are working through things and both regaining our confidence in our roles and moving forward. We are taking it slowly.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  21. Well Roz, I just want to say that I love how you two have handled this rough spot. You could have each gone to your corners and either sulked or rebelled but instead Rick took responsibility and you stuck close. Pretty dang mature of both of you!

    I know it will take time to rebuild trust and for Rick to be fully ready for that HoH hat. I think it's neat that while some rules have been put aside, your basic interactions are still full of respect.

    LOL...how can I say all that and then give you cheeky suggestions. I can think of a few I might want to pull...but no, just enjoy that haircut and try to not develop any bad habits that Rick may in the near future have to paddle you out of. :)

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    1. Thank you so much for your support Susie :)

      Wow, I guess you are right. We are pulling together when we could have gone the other way instead. I appreciate you highlighting that.

      It will take time to both rebuild trust and regain confidence but we are working through things and moving forward. We are taking it slowly which I think is the right thing.

      LoL, I'm sure I can think of a few things too, but I guess you are right. Best not to develop bad habits!

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  22. Hi Roz :)

    I have to agree with Susie....you are both handling this extremely well. I have no idea what you could do to rebel....okay, okay I might have a few ideas...but I will be a good friend and keep them to myself. ;)

    I wish you all the best....I know you guys will get this figured out.

    (((hugs)))

    ~Lucy

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    1. Thank you so much Lucy :)

      As I said to Susie, I appreciate you pointing out how differently this could be playing out ... pulling away. We are working through it and slowly regaining confidence in our roles and moving forward. We are taking it slowly. I'm hoping we will come out of this even stronger.

      LoL surely you wouldn't have some ideas for me Lucy? :)

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  23. I noticed no mention of late nights, which is something I know you like. ;) Of course, if you try those, you may be the one that pays the next day. ;)

    I am sorry this is still a bit of a struggle for you, but it's good to see that you have these great tools to help you that you didn't have before, and that you're slowly making your way back to trusting again. {{{HUGS}}} LOL, will have to send you a pick I have for an HOH hat. ;) See if Rick likes it. :)

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    1. Hi Es May,

      LoL, yes, there have been far too many late nights, and I have been suffering for them. Rick has made numerous "suggestions" that I need to get to bed earlier.

      We are working through it and slowly regaining trust and confidence in our roles. We are taking things slowly which I think is the right thing. Oh yes, would love to see the pic LoL

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  24. Tattoos, piercings, burn the paddles, just go all out! ;) Kidding.

    You know, we've taken breaks from DD here and there too. It's never gone completely away but there have been times where we've consciously toned it back. And, I think it was good for us. Gave us some time to take a step back, think about things, not have to worry about the work of keeping up a dynamic. Overall it worked out well, hope it does for you too but of course take your time and just do whatever is best for you and Rick.

    (((((hugs)))))

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    1. Thank you Riley :)

      LoL, ooh, not too sure about the tattoos and piercings ... too squeamish, but could definitely go with burning paddles LoL

      I think taking a step back from certain aspects of DD has been good for us, it's allowed us to just focus on us.

      We are working through things and slowly regaining confidence in our roles and trust. We are taking things slowly which I think is the right thing but and slowly moving forward.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  25. Sometimes those breaks are exactly what we need! I'm sorry you two are going through a rough patch right now, but on the plus side, it seems like you're both taking all the necessary steps to work through it. My bet is that in the end, you're going to come out as an even stronger couple than you were before!

    Good luck to the both of you. :)

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    1. Thank you Kenzie,

      Taking a break from certain aspects of our dynamic has been good for us. I think we do sometimes need to take a step back and re-evaluate things.

      We are slowly working through things and regaining trust and confidence and moving forward. I'm hoping we will come out of this even stronger.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  26. glad you are mending and finding your way again to reconnect. Hugs :-)

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    1. Thank you Terps :)

      Yes, we are slowly working through things and feeling so much more connected.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  27. Im glad that things between you both are getting better and your working your way through this. Hugs

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    1. Thanks AB :)

      We are slowly working through it and feeling much for connected. It feels so much better now :)

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  28. I'm glad u guys r getting things worked out...

    its strange to say but when DD is on hold it almost feels like your freedom and security is taken right out from under you...its weird thinking that having someone guide you and being submissive feels like freedom but it does ...

    Try and be a good girl lol

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    1. Thank you Daisy :)

      We are getting there, taking things slowly. Things are so much better now and we are more connected.

      It seems so strange when you put it like that doesn't it, but it's true. Submission is very freeing. I think it's because we feel taken care of and loved.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  29. Hmmm, I am biting my tongue so that I don't tell you all the delightfully naughty things you could do, or the mischief you could get into.

    *biting*

    The truth is, it's an opportunity to dig deep and submit out of love and respect and maturity that has come through ttwd. During our break I surprised myself with the desire to manage it gracefully. I wasn't perfect but I did well and I was proud of myself.


    I'm sure it made it easier to go "back" so I encourage you to think about the relationship, what is needed during this period, and how your actions now can affect things later.

    ((((((Hugs)))))

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  30. Hi Stormy,

    LoL. I think I can come up with plenty of ideas :)

    Seriously, I am so glad you commented, because I have been thinking about you and your break through this and thinking back to your posts at the time. Must say, I am so glad you published those posts now! :)

    You are so right and in reality most of the 'structure' remains in place and I am in the main keeping to the rules and expected behaviours, except for some that are in place mainly soley to enforce our roles .. such as asking permission for certain things.

    Taking certain rules, consequences and things like role affirmation off the table has been good for us. It is giving us breathing space to connect as a couple and regain confidence in our roles and trust.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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