I want to start by saying thank you so much for your lovely comments on my previous post and thank you to those of you who have contacted me over the last couple of weeks. I can't express enough just how much your loving care and concern has meant to us. Thank you so much for thinking of us and keeping us in your prayers.
Two weeks on we are still be rocked by aftershocks. Most of them are small and we aren't noticing them. However, every now and then a larger one arrives. All this leaves me still feeling a little unnerved. I can't help it. It's the fear of the unknown and whether we will have another, more sizable quake.
Mother Nature is being rather quirky right now (definitely a woman! LoL). She has given us earthquakes to deal with on one hand and blessed us with some lovely weather on the other. We have had a fairly long run of lovely fine, sunny days with temperatures hovering around 13 - 14 degrees Celsius. Not bad for the middle of winter! Having said that though, I believe the forecast for the coming week is for some showers and rain. Oh well, I guess we can't complain since we haven't seen any rain for a while now.
Last week saw a major challenge for both our relationship and dynamic. One of the things about DD is that it is unequal. By that, I am not in any way saying we are not equal partners, but the HoH leads the relationship and the TiH submits to this authority. This division of power is no more evident than when it comes to consequences for ones actions. As TiH's we have certain rules to follow and behaviours expected of us and when we fail to adhere to those rules, or to meet expectations there is a consequence. We are spanked, there is forgiveness, a reconnection and the issue has been dealt with and put behind us (pardon the pun).
What then happens when the HoH makes a mistake? We are all after all only human and as much as we like to think of our HoH as infallible, being human means they are fallible sometimes, Just like us. However, unlike us there is no such consequence for his actions. Actually, I don't think that is entirely true, but I will get to that later. How do we as the TiH feel when the HoH makes a mistake and how do we resolve those feelings? What about his feelings? He is likely feeling the same feelings of remorse, disappointment etc that we feel when we make a mistake.
I hope what follows does not come across as an attack on Rick. It is certainly not my intention. I want this blog to be an honest account of our journey. All of it, not just the good parts. Also, I hope publishing this may be helpful to some of you. Rick has read this BTW.
To put it bluntly, Rick made a huge mistake last week. I knew something was amiss and started asking questions and he confessed his actions. This left him feeling incredibly guilty and me feeling disappointed and confused. This particular issue is one that we have dealt with in the past. In fact, it last reared its head not long after we started our DD journey. Neither of us really knew at the time how to deal with it and it nearly derailed our dynamic. We worked hard to deal with the situation and get past it and to continue our journey into DD.
Given the history, I was astounded that we were once again faced with this issue. It has caused so much distance and lack of trust before that I felt sure it would not happen again. After all, some of the cornerstones of any good relationship and particularly a DD relationship are honesty and trust.
I felt devastated and disappointed. It also made me question my trust in Rick and worst, how much I mean to him if he could do this.
Rick on the other hand has been feeling deeply remorseful and unworthy of leading us. We nearly decided to put our dynamic on hold for a while to allow us to deal with the issue.
Back to consequences - I mentioned above that there are no consequences when the HoH makes a mistake. Well, I don't believe that is entirely true. No, there is no spanking or any other punishment. That's not to say there are no consequences however. He has to deal with his own feelings of remorse and work hard to regain the trust in him that has been lost while continuing to lead his family. In some cases he has probably lost some confidence in himself as a leader as well. He has to make amends.
We have had some tough conversations this week in an attempt to move forward and we are slowly getting back on track. I know we will come out the other end of this and perhaps be even stronger. Rick has worked extremely hard to reassure me of his love for me and his commitment to us. I know he loves me and that he is committed to us, but this did knock me for a six and left me questioning.
Though we had this misstep. Rick is my HoH and my Daddy and I love him unconditionally, more than anything and I know we will weather this storm.