Friday 24 May 2013

Don't Forget The Collar


I must always remember to wear Daddy's collar
I must always remember to wear Daddy's collar
I must always remember to wear Daddy's collar

Those are the words I have just finished writing ... over and over and over and over and ... well, you get the idea.  In fact 200 times.  I hate, hate, hate lines.  It is boring and there are so many other things I would much rather be doing.  Did I mention I hate doing lines?

Lately I've felt as though we have been in limbo with our dynamic.  Not much dominance on his part, certainly not much spanking going on.  When this happens it's easy for my submission to lapse.  I start thinking "whatever".  Yep, I said the "W" word.  See what I mean?

I start to lapse on the rules.  Specifically the bedtime one.  No checking blogs, Internet, email etc on my phone in bed when I'm meant to be settling down to sleep instead.

I wish I understood why this happens. I mean, I want this lifestyle right?  I want to submit to Daddy.  I do, but somehow I need his help to maintain my submission. I need his dominance.  Without it I slide into independent mode and who cares about silly rules anyway?  I guess dominance and submission really do feed off each other.  I need his dominance in order to maintain my submissiveness and vice versa.  One thing I have discovered during the time we have been practicing DD is that consistency really is so vital, and not just consistency on his part.  As much as I need him to remain consistent, he also needs me to remain consistent in my efforts.

Anyway.  I have been feeling this limbo for some time now.  It didn't help that last week was a particularly difficult one with a lot of external factors and stresses present.  Last Saturday we had planned to reconnect and in fact, it started off well. Daddy was out Saturday afternoon and I received a text from him telling me that when he returned he wanted me naked and kneeling in the bedroom.  Of course I complied and we had a wonderful role affirmation session.  (I guess he had decided we needed to get back on track).  For the first time I cried more than just a trickle. He lay beside me, held my hand and told me to let it all go and that he had me as he continued to blister my derriere.  Afterwards, we cooked a lovely meal together, watched a little TV and listened to some music.  It was a wonderful time together and we were heading back to to 'us'.  Then, wouldn't you know it.  Life got in the way again and we started to lose the level of connection we had started to build.

This week however has been a good one.  We have felt much more connected.  That leads me to today ... and the lines.

As I said, I have been having some difficulty with my bedtime rule lately plus generally not getting to bed at a reasonable enough hour to allow me to get up in the morning for work.  last night I was waaay too late, plus I might have played on my phone just a little bit when I did go to bed.  As a result I woke up very late this morning and was in such a rush to get ready that I forgot to put on my collar.  I didn't even actually have time to put it on!  It is a rule that I wear the collar at all times, except for showering and bed.

I knew Daddy would be disappointed.  I was not, however prepared for just how disappointed he was  not seeing it around my neck.  He told me I looked naked and to be honest I felt it.  I spent the day reaching for it to hold it between my fingers as I always do and alas, it wasn't there.  He told me how very disappointed he was and that I know how much it means and what it symbolises.  To us it is a symbol of us, of our roles and what we mean to each other and holds a great sentimental value for both of us.  It is something I treasure and that I love wearing.  I finger it during the day and it reminds me of him.  Of his dominance.  This is the first time I have actually forgotten to wear it.

Daddy told me that getting up so late that I did no have time to put it on was not a good enough excuse. It was poor management on my part.  True.  I told him I hadn't realised just how disappointed he would be.  He then said I would be writing lines and that tomorrow night my bottom will feel how disappointed he is.  Also with the general lapse in fully keeping to the rules.

So ... the lines are done and I now contemplate the spanking that is to come.  I am somewhat nervous.  I HATE having to wait. Also, I haven't received a punishment spanking for some time now.

I guess he is determined to bring us out of limbo.  I'm trying to convince myself that's a good thing!

40 comments:

  1. Aw, Roz...I am sorry things have been rough. I get what you mean about things just getting back to normal...then something else happening. It can be so frustrating....and so hard in those times to keep ahold of your submissiveness. Oh heck, in good times it is a bit hard for me! ;)

    But really, it *is* a good thing that Rick is able to see all of this, and is determined to fix it. I know your brain knows that....it is just sometimes hard to convince the other end!

    Good luck my friend....

    Hugs....

    ~Lucy

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    1. Hi Lucy,

      Thank you so much for your encouraging words and support. It is hard to keep a hold on submission when life gets in the way. It was a good thing that Rick was determined to hold me accountable and to reconnect us fully ... it's just hard to hold on to that knowledge when you are waiting for a butt blistering! LoL

      Thankfully, it is now over.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  2. Life does get in the way, doesn't it. Hope this weekend resolves the rough spots.

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    1. Hi Sunny,

      Thank you. Life really does get in the way unfortunately and it's so hard not to loose ourselves in those moments.

      We did deal with it last night (thankfully now behind us .. pun intended LoL) and are feeling reconnected.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  3. Hi Roz
    Sounds like Rick is putting you back on your submissive tracks after a little derailment. Coming out of limbo land is hard and settling back into following rules when you've been a bit 'whatever'.
    Lines, yuk! I would turn it into a calligraphy exercise, how many different ways to write the same words...
    Hope he's not too hard on you.
    Hugs
    DF

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    1. Hi DF,

      Thankfully it is over now. Rick certainly did get me back on track. It wasn't easy but we are connected again now. Now I just have to work on keeping to the rules I started getting slack on!

      LoL re the lines. Only consistently neat printing will do apparently. Something I have learnt from experience LoL

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  4. I agree, dominance and submission really do feed each other and when one is off kilter it can throw the whole cycle off. Sorry about the lines and the waiting, but glad that things are getting back on track!

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    1. Hi Tess,

      Thank you. I have learnt during the time that we have doing ttwd that it really does take consistency on both parts.

      Thankfully it is over now and we are feeling reconnected and back on track. Now I just have to try and keep to those rules I was slipping on!

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  5. Oh Roz

    I so get this post, submission and dominance do feed each other and go hand in hand. But yes life does get in the way and things happen and at times we need to reconnect and find ourselves and our roles.

    Good luck, is that something we can say about a punishment?? Either way, I'm sorry you're to be punished, but I'm sure it will bring you closer.

    Thinking of you x

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    1. Thank you so Missy,

      Unfortunately it seems we do sometimes have to reconnect the hard way. Thankfully it is over. It was hard, but we got through it and are feeling much more connected.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  6. To look at it from a little bit of a different angle...u should feel extremely loved that he would be disappointed, that he cares so much for you and your relationship that he would be willing to do what is hard to protect it. Hopefully you are able, even in punishment, to feel that.

    Hugs
    bg

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    1. Hi Baby girl,

      Thank you for your comment, it helped me see things a little differently during the wait.

      I do feel loved and cared for that it means so much to him and that he will do what he needs to keep us on track and for the good of our relationship. While I hate being punished, I am always glad of the fact that he will do it ... does that sound weird? LoL
      It is just hard sometimes to hold on to those thoughts when you are waiting.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  7. It is difficult to remember things all the time. Could you continue to wear your necklace in the shower and in bed? It's so pretty that I don't think I'd ever want to take it off. Sorry about the spanking but glad you have begun to reconnect. It's horrid being out of syn with each other. Couldn't do lines though, so you're a better man than I am gunga din! I don't even give lines to errant school kids, so we must agree to disagree there. I often wonder what it is that causes us to be at odds with each other even when we don't wish to be snippy and spikey? I suppose the attention your butt will receive will sort out the situation..... Leather or wood?! LOL!

    Hugs

    Ami

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    1. Hi Ami,

      I would normally never forget to wear the necklace, I treasure it and it holds such sentimental value for us. The only reason it happened was because I was running so late and was in such a rush. We decided it wouldn't be worn in the shower or bed in order to protect it.

      It is awful being out of kilter. The punishment is thankfully now over and we are now reconnected. I just need to focus on keeping to the rules I was slipping with now!

      I wish Rick shared you views on lines! Sadly for me though, he doesn't. Thankfully it doesn't happen too often.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  8. Master refers to D/s as two sides of the same coin...to be complete you need both. I do know where you are coming from..master has been away for a week, I was warned to follow all my rules, and not let my 'voices' take over, i was doing great...til today...
    Yuck on lines, and sounds like after this weekend, you will be "re-set' in your roles.
    hugs abby

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    1. Hi Abby,

      I love that explanation, it is so true! Being apart is the worst for slippage in submission and keeping to rules. I hope you don't end up in any trouble!

      Yeah, lines are awful, I hate them LoL. Thankfully, it is now over and we are definitely re-set in our roles.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  9. oh {{roz}} i'm nervous FOR you. i hate HATE waiting too, it's just the absolute worst. like a shoe is going to fall on you at any minute, or in our case, a paddle. yikes!

    tell me about your collar? is it a pretty necklace or does it actually look like an animal collar? i don't know if i would enjoy that, i hate wearing any jewelry at all, but maybe if it was a feminine something or other, i'd go for it. anyway, i'm curious.

    we don't write lines here. at least not yet. and no corner time either. i don't want my professor reading other blogs or he just might think some of these things would be useful for me. lol so don't mention it, okay? :) thanks.

    i so get what you mean about getting back on track. we had another "meeting" this morning to KEEP on track. two spankings in one week. that's a first for us.

    you take care, keep us posted, and try to get your mind off of the impending doom if you can.
    big hugs,
    m.

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    1. Hi Maryanne,

      Thank you so much. It is hard when we we get off track but thankfully it's over now. It was hard but we got through it and are very much feeling back on track. Things are really stepping up in your house.

      The collar is actually a lovely necklace with a smaller sapphire heart in the middle and a bigger heart around the outside, one half gold, the other diamond. We call it a collar because it is a symbol of 'us', of our roles and his 'ownership'. i absolutely love wearing it. It reminds me of him, especially when we are apart.

      Oh, lines and corner time at the pits ... trust me LoL. Don't worry, I won't tell the Professor :)

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  10. It's no secret how Ward and I feel about reciprocity, Roz, in the way we treat each other, and in the way we express our roles to each other.

    Sometimes....heck, yesterday in fact, I was feeling a bit snitty and on the verge of ignoring my assignment for the day. But when I had time to think about it, I did it, and when he came home, I confessed it to him, even though I had done as asked. He understood that with current stresses, I needed to feel him even more.

    So my question to you is, could you have intentionally have 'forgotten' to put it on to push a reaction from him? Sometimes we need to feel them so badly that we can do things that are uncharacteristic.

    I try to be aware, and when I feel the way that you feel, even when we're busy, I will come to him and tell him I need to feel him. You have a beautiful relationship and I think it unlikely that Rick would deny you that even at the end of a long day. Sometimes I hesitate to ask Daddy because I feel I am 'saving' him stress by not making demands. But he makes it clear that I am not doing him any favors when it creates distance between us.

    Sometimes when it gets 'noisy' in our lives it's easy to put areas that are secure in our minds, to the side momentarily. But we really shouldn't with our relationships, they need to constantly be nourished, no matter how crazy things get.

    Trying to convince yourself? Silly girl, I think deep down you know it's a good thing and exactly what you need right now.

    (((hugs)))

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    1. Hi June,

      You make so much sense as always. Thank you for your most thoughtful comment.

      Rick actually asked me the very same question during the pre-spanking lecture (I think he must have read your comment LoL). Truthfully. No, I don't think so. I truly was running around in such a state in a mad rush as I was running so late that I genuinely forgot. It's a first. Normally that is the one thing I would never forget.

      I know what you mean about needing to feel him more sometimes. I do too and I'm normally pretty good at telling him when I do. You are so right of course, we need to constantly nourish our relationships, no matter what.

      I know it was a good thing that Rick was willing to step up and hold me accountable and get us back on track ... I guess I really knew it when I wrote this post. It's just hard to remember sometimes when you are waiting for it to happen.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  11. Oh goodness do lines stink!! I'm pretty sure waiting for a spanking tops them though, its just so much worse when you have time to think and over think about what is to come and why he's disappointed. Hopefully this will be the impetus to get you guys back on track. It will be a good thing after the spanking is all said and done, at least that's normally my case. I'll be sending you good thoughts :)
    <3 Lily

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    1. Hi Lily,

      Thank you for the good thoughts :)

      Argh, lines really do stink don't they? I'm curious. Do you do lines or LP ... or both?

      Yeah, the waiting is hard but thankfully it is now over. It wasn't easy but we are very much back on track again now.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  12. Glad to hear you're getting back on track, but sorry about your 'slip.' Hope the weekend is better for you.
    :)

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    1. Hi Sarah,

      Thank you :) Friday night was spent writing the lines and Saturday night came the spanking and an evening of general role affirmation (It's Sunday night here now as I write).

      It wasn't easy but we are now back on track which is a great feeling.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  13. I haven't had to do lines yet but we have discussed them. They are definitely a possibility for my future as well as being grounded from the computer (it's the only electronic thing I love... not big on tv or phone) We also haven't done corner time or bedtimes. Still a lot to try I guess if he should so choose! If he asked me to do lines I bet I would ask, "Can I type them?" lol wonder if that would earn a spanking? Hope your weekend goes better!

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    1. Hi Sara,

      Argh, we do ALL of these from time to time and trust me ... they all suck LoL Actually, all except the bedtime. I haven't got a bedtime as such, but he does 'order' me to bed most nights.

      LoL - typing lines. I'm pretty sure that would earn a spanking. Sure it would earn me one, although, whenever he gives me lines I am always quick to pout and whine about hating doing them LoL. Fortunately, lines and corner time don't happen too often.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  14. I am away from home just now and trying to catch up a bit. I do think we each need to keep up what is important to the other in our dynamics. However we are human and life gets in the way. I for one do not remain perfect during times of busyness and stress. I crave what he brings to our relationship.
    I sure hope you both feel better now. It is nice to have the unpleasant things behind you!

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    1. Hey Minelle,

      I totally agree. We each need to be aware of what is important to our partner.

      Yes, I'm definitely glad it's over! I'm much more focussed again and we are back to where we should be now.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  15. Aw, I'm sorry you had lines and forgot your things :( I have a hard time laying down in bed and not playing games or whatever. :(
    Sounds like that reconnect was great though before! :)

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    1. Hi Elle,

      Thank you :) Yeah, lines truly do suck! The no playing on the phone in bed rule really is a hard one for me.

      I'm glad it's over with now and we did have a great reconnect :)

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  16. ewww lines :( hateful things. Glad I dont get them. Poor you. I think you are right that dominance and submission certainly feed off each other. I personally think that the dominance comes first, for without dominance what is there to be submissive to? But thats just my thoughts.
    Glad you two got back on track - and i hope the punishment wasnt too hard to take.
    (I have to confess to sir tonight as I did the very same thing last night after maintenance. he always puts me to bed after maintenance on a sunday night but I played on my phone, Im rather surprised he didnt hear me).
    *sigh*.
    Hope the reconnection lasts a while for you :) its such an awesome feeling
    Hugs kiwi xx

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    1. Hi Kiwi,

      Yeah, lines really do suck! LoL .. guess that's why he does it .. grr.

      The reconnect is an awesome feeling. It's been great since. Oh dear. Why is it so hard to leave the phone alone when you're meant to be going to sleep?! It's a rule I really struggle with. I hope he isn't too hard on you.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  17. I don't like lines either. There are so many other things we could be doing with that time.

    I am sorry that things got so off track, but hoping that they will stay a bit more on course for you now. :)

    Is your necklace one that you have to take off for bed and showers? Mine isn't a collar, it is one my church gave to me for the anniversary of when Michael was born. I now don't wear it as much. But for a year, it didn't come off. I could wear it 24/7, and wondering if that would help you out a bit. :) That way you wouldn't forget, and he'd have the joy of seeing you wear it all the time. The only reason I ask is because a friend of mine has a white gold engagement ring, she was taking it off every night and for showers, and was forgetting to put it back on a number of times, she literally didn't know she could wear it all the time. Now that she knows, she's very happy about that. ;)

    I hope this week goes well for you, and that you and the paper don't have to have a date again anytime soone! :) {{{HUGS}}}

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    1. Hey Es May,

      Thank you :) Yeah, doing lines really bites LoL

      I could probably wear the necklace 24/7 but we decided it would be removed for showers and when in bed mainly to protect it and keep it in good condition.

      It is second nature to me to put it on in the morning. I never usually forget, this only happened due to circumstance. As Rick said to me during the lecture, it should be just as fundamental as not leaving the house naked LoL.

      We did have a wonderful reconnect out of this though and things have been great since :)

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  18. We haven't used lines yet but I don't think I would like them very much. I'm sorry you got punished but it sounds like you are better now. It is so hard to keep up our submission if we aren't feeling their dominance at least it is for me sometimes. I'm so glad he stepped in and you two are reconnected again. I sure hope that feeling lasts!

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    1. Hi Zoe,

      Ooh, I hope you don't get to experience lines, it is truly awful!

      It wasn't easy, but did result in a wonderful connection and things have been great since. It really is hard to retain submission when he isn't showing much dominance. The two really do feed off each other.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  19. We haven't used lines yet, thankfully, but he did mention it the other day so I imagine it's only a matter of time.

    Ugh bedtime. Just so hard to make it there sometimes lol. I got into trouble yesterday for staying up to late and today I slept in way past so I will likely be getting spanked tonight. It's horrible having to wait isn't it?

    I'm a bit late commenting so hopefully you have been doing better since then. :)

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    1. Hi Mischief,

      Oh boy, I hope he doesn't introduce lines! The bedtime thing is so hard isn't it? sounds as though you are getting in a much better routine though which is great!

      It wasn't easy, but we ended up feeling reconnected and things have been great since.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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  20. Ah Roz, I'm sorry you had to go through the whole thing. What sticks in my mind (and sorry, I didn't read any comments) is how in this way of life, our priorities change. No matter how busy a day is remembering each other in whatever special ways each couple chooses becomes really important. I think some could read this and say, hey...it's just a "necklace" and she forgot, what's the big deal. It is a big deal though and you both felt it, because that connection is so huge for both of you. Bah, this is almost a week old and I sure hope you have had a much better week!

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    1. Hi Susie,

      Thank you :) Your comment has got me thinking, and you are so right. Our priorities do change with ttwd and it is so important to remember and take time for each other regardless of how busy we are.

      It was a big deal to Rick. The necklace does hold a special significance for both of us and I felt naked without it. I don't think I fully realised just how important it is to him though. Let's just way, I'm fully aware now! LoL

      It wasn't easy, but it did reconnect us and reinforce our roles and I'm happy to say this week has been a good one.

      Hugs,
      Roz

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