Sunday 14 April 2013

Who is in Control

I've been feeling a little out of sorts so far as submission goes lately.  Nothing major but I feel like lately I have been trying to wrestle back some control.

Last week I was busy.  I had things I needed to do, things I needed to buy, bills to pay etc.  All of these things require permission.  However last week, instead of asking permission and discussing things with him I 'told' him.  I guess it's all in the choice of words we use but yep, I told him.  I knew what needed to be done and just set out to do it.  Almost despite him.

On Friday we went out to make a purchase we needed to make. I was endeavouring to discuss the inns and outs of this purchase and ask for his views but he was otherwise distracted and not really paying attention.  At one point I told him to focus - oops!  It was said in a light hearted manner.

I didn't like what I was doing and was also worried that it might escalate further.

Saturday night we were relaxing together in the living room.  I was in my customary position on the floor in front of him.

I love you Daddy

I love you too baby girl

I just don't feel I've been that good lately.  I feel as though I've been trying to control things in small ways  

I then mentioned some of ways in which I thought I had been trying to take control.

Well, there hasn't been anything I've been worried about.  I assure you, if I really perceived that you were really taking control I would act

I guess that's the key isn't it.  It's so easy for me to have my idea of how you may perceive things, and how I think you should act, but I guess it's what YOU think and feel that's important.  Whether YOU think there is a problem  

Believe me.  I would let you know and there's nothing that's concerned me lately

I'm glad you're happy Daddy.  I do feel as though I have taken control though, in small ways and am worried that it may escalate from there.  

Strip

Wh .. what?

Strip.  Right now  I quickly did as I was told.

Kneel

I knelt in front of him facing him.

I am in control

Yes Daddy

I love you baby girl and your submission.  You are mine.  I am your Daddy and I take care of you, help you, protect you and punish you when necessary

Yes Daddy  These seemed the only words required at this point.

I love that you submit to me.  I know it takes great strength to do so and I just can't believe the gift you have given me.  You honour me  

Sometimes it feels like I am a burden though

Never.  It's what I want to do, and it's an honour

There was more to the conversation and throughout Rick was very gentle and softly spoken yet firm.  He never stopped eye contact and running his fingers through my hair.  He kept reassuring me of his love for me.

After a while it was over his lap where I received a solid hand spanking.  The smacks started off on the light side and got progressively harder.  He then told me to fetch the wooden spoon and once again put me over his lap.  I swear, I think he must have covered every inch of both cheeks with that thing!  At one point he shifted my position slightly.  I think maybe to give him a better target LoL.

Once finished with the spoon he lifted my legs and I thought he was going to pull me onto his lap.  Instead, he swung me around so that I was kneeling into the cushion of the couch.  Then came the familiar and dreaded sound of the belt buckle.  It is true that an implement can either be liked or loathed depending upon how it is used.  Well, it started off as a nice 'tingle' then rapidly got to the point that I wanted it to stop.  We sat cuddling on the floor together afterwards talking for a while.

Lessons:

  1. I am not in control.  
  2. I need to trust that he has me, has us and that he will take whatever action (if any) HE deems necessary.  
  3. I need to stop second guessing.  Having my own ideas of what he should be thinking/feeling and how he should react.

60 comments:

  1. Hi Roz :)

    Wow what a great post. Got me really thinking. It's true we act and then assume it's right or wrong, but I'm sure if we ask and trust, it might be completely different to what we think. It really does go back to communication ;)

    I'm glad you two talked and that you've learnt some important lessons :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Missy,

      It really does go back to communication and yes, I did get some learnings out of the experience. I just hope I can make them stick and not continue to dwell on how I think HE should handle things.

      Hugs,
      Roz

      Delete
  2. Hi Roz,
    I admire how you both are solid not just in your commitment to each other but aso in the way your submission manifests itself. We are still feeling our way. Did it take long to find your balance?
    Bea

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Bea,

      Thank you so much for your lovely comment. Gosh, I don't know that we ever stop learning and growing and the balance of dominance and submission does ebb and flow at times, Especially when life gets in the way.

      It's taken a lot of communication and trial and error. We've been at this about 18 months now.

      Hugs,
      Roz

      Delete
  3. Loved the conversation you and Rick had while you were kneeling Roz. It's crazy because there are many times when it feels ones behavior is slipping but Daddy does not have an issue with it but other times when one thinks things are fine and Daddy lets her know he wants some changes.

    The belt gives one that same dreaded feeling at times but the results are also really good for us.

    Hugs
    Db

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks DB :)

      It is funny isn't it, how we can get it completely wrong some times. I guess these were good lessons to learn. Don't second guess and dwell on what we think HE should be thinking/feeling, or what he should do.

      Hugs,
      Roz

      Delete
  4. Roz, great post. Oh boy. My head was spinning there for a sec and your poor bottom. I'm so sorry you ever doubted your daddy. I hope you're ok. :) I love your blog, btw. I stop by often.

    M.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Maryanne,

      Thank you so much for your lovely comment. This was actually a very good thing for us and I think we both gained some learnings.

      Hugs,
      Roz

      Delete
  5. That took a lot of strength to admit that to him. While I don't share the same dynamic, I know exactly what you're talking about. There are times that I skirt his rules because I know what he expects, and so I make it look like I'm following it while not following it in my heart. I think we're all guilty of this at some point. It takes guts to admit it, but it's what we signed up for.

    Glad you felt better after! Sounds like you both got exactly what you needed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Rosie,

      Thank your for reading and for your lovely comment (I don't think I've seen you here before. Please forgive me if I am wrong :)

      It can be so easy to 'go through the motions' sometimes can't it? I agree, it's something we are probably all guilty of from time to time.

      This was good for us, and it did reinforce for me that he IS in control and that I need to stop second guessing his reactions.

      Hugs,
      Roz

      Delete
  6. It's good when our uncertainties are taken care of in such a constructive way! He warmed you up nicely first (the starter), you got a good burn from the wooden spoon (main course), and the belt ensured you got a sting to remember (dessert). What about coffee?!

    Hugs

    Ami

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Ami,

      Your comment gave me a giggle .. I like how you put it. Umm .. yes there was coffee, later on though. I left that part out :)

      Hugs,
      Roz

      Delete
  7. Hi Roz,
    I guess that we really have to let go and trust that our men have this- all of this. It is so easy to let the little insecurities drift in, isn't it? Thank you for sharing and giving me things to think about this morning! Hugs!

    <3 Katie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. H Katie,

      Thank you :) You are right, it can be easy to let those insecurities drift in and it is all about putting our trust in him. This was good for us and I certainly came to a few realisations out of it. Mainly that I need to stop second guessing his reactions and trust that he will act when HE deems it is required.

      Hugs,
      Roz

      Delete
  8. Hi Roz! I have just started reading your blog, and this post really identifies with what I feel a lot. I second guess, I find myself trying to control things in small ways, and I ask him for reassurance. Sometimes I feel that I am being selfish for asking for these roles. I am always assured that this is not the case. I am glad that you and him could talk about it, and he reassured you through his loving words and of course the lessons through the spankings. Great post, glad I found it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Welcome! and thank you for reading and for your lovely comment.

      It is hard not to second guess sometimes and it's wonderful when we can get that reassurance from them. Rick always assures me that he wants me to some to him when I need reassurance. He wants to know how I am feeling.

      It's all about communication and trust. I came to some good realisations through this and hope I can make them stick! LoL

      Hugs,
      Roz

      Delete
  9. Hi Roz, such a well written post and it read like a good example of role affirmation and reassurance. We all need it from time to time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks DF, it was exactly that. Though initially unplanned on his part, he responded to my need. You're right. We do all need that reassurance from time to time and I learnt some good lessons out of it. Such as how I need to stop second guessing his reactions.

      Hugs,
      Roz

      Delete
  10. Must have been in the water! I have been having the same struggles lately... It seems when life gets crazy I start to feel like I can just 'help' him out and not bother with asking. I'm ways left feeling disconnected and have to go and tell him what I'm feeling and be reminded that he is still in control. Good for you to be able to communicate and for Rick to pull you back into the safety of your submission.

    Hugs

    P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi P,

      Yes, I read your post. it does seem to manifest when life gets crazy doesn't it? We want to revert back into the mode of 'getting the job done' - sigh.

      It leaves me feeling disconnected too. Isn't it great that we can communicate our feelings to them though so that we can get back to where we want to be.

      Hugs,
      Roz

      Delete
  11. Hi Roz, Even though you got spanked it sounds like you had an enjoyable time, glad you are back to ceding control again, always safer!
    Love Jan.xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Jan,

      It was very intimate and reaffirmed out roles and left us feeling very connected. I thought I was back in my box ... then I tried to take a little snippet of control again today - sigh. Fortunately nothing major.

      Hugs,
      Roz

      Delete
  12. I have moments like that as well. I had a lot of that two weeks ago. It wasn't anything big but by the end of the week the little things built up and I just felt horrible about it all. But as it turns out he really was in control and showed me that weekend. I need to just trust that he is in control.

    You explained it well in the 3 lessons learned. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Mischief,

      That was my concern too, that it would just build up and I would keep trying to take control. It is about communication and having that trust that they are in control. I did learn some good lessons out of this and I hope I can make them stick! LoL. I need to stop second guessing his reaction and having my own ideas of how I think HE should react.

      I'm glad you also got the reassurance you needed.

      Hugs,
      Roz

      Delete
  13. I thought Bobbie wrote this post, I got scared for a sec.
    Isn't wonderful when you can calmly talk to your spouse and find a solution to the problem :)

    Bob

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Bob,

      You are right. We both need to be able to communicate our needs, thoughts, feelings and work through them together. I think over time you reach a deeper level of communication and trust in each other and that leads to a much greater connection.

      Hugs,
      Roz

      Delete
  14. What great communication! I cannot imagine getting to that point.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Betsy, Welcome! and thank you for reading and for your comment.

      As I said to Bob, I think that over time you develop a deeper level of communication and trust and that in turn leads to a greater connection. It's not always easy but if we can communicate our thoughts and feelings it is so worth it.

      Hugs,
      Roz

      Delete
  15. Wow, you must be better at this than I am. :) Good for you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Julia,

      Oh, I don't know about that from what I have read on you blog :)

      It's not always easy, and a lot of trial and error along the way but the important thing is we are both in it together.

      Hugs,
      Roz

      Delete
  16. I enjoy how you both are so connected from beginning to end. So much love and communication.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Minelle :)

      It was good for us. I think we both learnt from it and we did feel very connected throughout. It was a good reaffirming of our roles.

      Hugs,
      Roz

      Delete
  17. I completely relate to this post. I often second guess and question how Bucko will respond to something, only to learn he noticed and didn't think it was worthy of his action yet. I'm glad you have Rick to be so in tune with you. I'm glad you got what you needed and are in a good place. I hope the lessons stick... at least for a little while.

    Love and hugs,
    TL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi TL,

      Its a hard one isn't it and I'm glad I'm not the only one who does this :)

      Rick definitely knew how to get me back to where I wanted to be. I'm hoping those lessons stick too!

      Hugs,
      Roz

      Delete
  18. Well THAT will teach you to open your 'big' mouth! I'm kidding of course. The beginning part of this conversation just happened here too. Barney and I were sitting talking about 'how good' I have been, meaning not distancing (as my good friend, you KNOW I am an angel...shhh). Anyway he was commenting on that, and I just said " Oh really?". He returned with, "Ohhhhhhh okay then we'll talk about that tomorrow." grrr
    I mean isn't communication wonderful?

    Seriously, good on you. We don't do ourselves any favours by prolonging the inevitable do we?

    love ya, willie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Willie,

      Well, I should have expected that from you! - humph. From the sounds of your comment, I could say right back at ya LoL I'm Just kidding of course. You know I love ya.

      It is wonderful when we can communicate our thoughts and feelings and work though them together. I'm so glad that you are Barney are getting to a deeper level of communication and taking those steps forward. you have both put in the hard work to get to this point. Good on you!

      Hugs,
      Roz

      Delete
  19. I often mourn that I can't "maintain" those squishy, connected, submissive feelings for long. Like you, I catch myself grabbing for control in little ways and it bothers me a bit. It gets bigger and bigger until MM takes note and does something about it.

    It was kind of Rick to see that you were struggling and even though he didn't see a big problem, he took care of how you were feeling and got you back to a great place.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Susie,

      Isn't it good that they read us so well and are willing to 'help' us (even though we may not think so at the time!).

      I wish I could stay 'squiffy' and feeling connected all of the time too. It's the best place to be, but it can he hard to stay there, especially when life gets in the way.

      Hugs,
      Roz

      Delete
  20. Hi roz. We all have those moments and I think rick handled you really well. Be good.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Kiwi,

      We do all have those moments and Rick did handle me well. We felt very connected and it really reaffirmed out roles.

      Be careful that new phone of yours doesn't get you in any more hot water :)

      Hugs,
      Roz

      Delete
  21. Good lessons and ones I know I need to keep in mind. Sounds like a really great connection. Glad he took such good care of you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Zoe,

      It was a good moment for us, very role affirming and we felt really connected.

      I hope I can make the lessons stick! I really need to stop second guessing his reaction and having my own ideas of what I think HE should think/feel and how he should act and trust that he will act when HE deems it necessary.

      Hugs,
      Roz

      Delete
  22. This is such a beautiful interaction Roz! Perfect :) made me smile.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I must be about to PMS because that story made me almost bawl. The love you show each other, how he steps up, how he has you. It was all so beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing this story. It's so good to admit when you think realignment, and to trust that he also is keeping an eye on you as well. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Es May, Sorry I nearly made you cry

      I'm glad I was able to communicate with Rick and that he was able to help me get back to where I wanted to be.

      I learnt some good lessons - that I need to trust that he has this and not second guess his reactions. I hope I can make them stick!

      Hugs,
      Roz

      Delete
  24. I loved this post. It resonated so well with what I have been feeling at the moment. Thank you so much for sharing and the excellent example of communication and trust. I'm going to keep those lessons in mind from now on.
    <3 Lily

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Lily, Welcome! and thank you for reading and commenting.

      I'm so glad this post resonated with you. Good lessons to keep in mind for sure. Trusting that they have this and not second guessing their thoughts, feelings and how WE think THEY should react. I know we have discussed this here a number of times!

      Hugs,
      Roz

      Delete
  25. Nice post...such love and trust between the two of you! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  26. This is a most lovely post, Roz. Daddy and I had one of these conversations once. We had a stressful week and a conflict resolution chat. After a lovely spanking which he said was not correction,I still felt a bit out of sorts. My Daddy was a bit put off when I replied perhaps I thought it needed to be. He said that sometimes I needed to accept his grace, but then he saw what your Daddy did, that I needed the purge. He understands it better now.

    It's quite lovely to be seen and understood in the way your Daddy did for you.

    (((hugs)))

    ReplyDelete
  27. Hi June,

    It is a wonderful feeling isn't it, that they know and understand us so well and are willing to give us what we need. Even though we may not feel that way at the time!

    Hugs,
    Roz

    ReplyDelete
  28. Good for you, Roz - for seeing it and bringing it to his attention. It is really hard to do - I struggle mightily with doing it, but they appreciate it very much.
    You guys sound very happy.
    hugs
    lillie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Lillie,

      Thank you so much. It isn't easy at all is it, but you are right. I don't know how many times Rick has told me that he wants me to tell him, he does appreciate it. it's so worth it in the end too, even if we may not think so at the time!

      Hugs,
      Roz

      Delete
  29. I guess you learned a lesson about what it means to say you don't want to take control, eh? Glad that it turned out well and you are feeling secure.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Ana,

      I definitely did, but sometimes those lessons are ultimately worth learning :) Yes, it did turn out well and left us feeling connected and me secure. Thank you :)

      Hugs,
      Roz

      Delete
  30. The last one I have lots of trouble with. I have gotten bad about second guessing myself lately too. Hugs

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Tiffany,

      It's the hardest for me too. You raise a good point too about second guessing ourselves. Hmm, have to give that some thought.

      Hugs,
      Roz

      Delete
  31. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Newtothis,

      I see your comment has now been deleted. I have read it though and firstly want to deeply apologise for not responding sooner. It is definitely not like me to take so long!

      Thank you so much for visiting and for your lovely comment. I truly appreciate your words because I write here mainly as a way of processing my own thoughts and feelings as we navigate our way through this often tricky lifestyle. If my writing speaks to, or helps others in any way I am truly grateful.

      I wish you and your husband well in this new lifestyle you have chosen. It is not always easy and this is a wonderful community full of supportive, caring people willing to listen and provide some valuable advice where we can. I would encourage you to visit various blogs and read what they have to say and draw on the things that you feel may be beneficial for your relationship.

      Please feel free to contact me via email or here any time. I promise I will reply a lot quicker than I have this time! Apologies again for my tardiness and thank you once again for your lovely feedback. It is truly gratifying to me.

      Hugs,
      Roz

      Delete