Tuesday, 25 September 2012

Taking Self Responsibility

I am grumpy.  I am tired, grumpy and pretty frustrated with myself right now.

If you have read previous posts then you know getting enough rest and going to bed at a reasonable enough hour is a big problem for me.  You will also know that this recently got me into some major trouble.

Since landing myself in hot water ....  or should I say, with hot buns, I have been careful to ensure I have not gone to bed late enough to get me in trouble again, and I have definitely gone to bed when told on nights when he is away (obviously, this is not a problem when he's home), as opposed to maybe an hour or so later.  I definitely don't want to repeat that mistake again quite so soon!

Anyway, despite this, it seems I have still not been getting enough sleep the last few days to function properly and today I crashed.  I was moody at work, and unable to cope properly with questions asked of me or with tasks that are usually not a problem.  As is the usual pattern, I finally started to come alive by late afternoon, but spent the majority of the day felling physically drained and awful.

So, I sit here typing this post tired and grumpy - can you tell?

My husband also said he felt it was partly his fault for not taking enough responsibility.  This also made me feel bad.

This is something I, of course, can control and it shouldn't be that hard to do.  I don't need my husband's permission to go to bed, and surely I shouldn't have to need for him to tell me when to do so.  I am (supposedly) a grown woman after all.

Just because I live this amazing lifestyle with my husband, and this means that if he sees I am not taking care of myself properly he will take action, I shouldn't rely on him to do so.  Also, is it fair for me to rely on him to control such basic things?

Having an HoH does not absolve me from taking self responsibility.


  1. I understand this completely. I am just going to suggest that perhaps the lifestyle makes us more introspective. I have thought about this exact situation in my own life, and I decided that in my pre-dd life, I also stayed up late and did things that we not good for me, the difference being that there was no safety net - so I never really thought about my motives.
    Living this lifestyle seems to make us examine things that previously we (or I at least) shrugged off as innocent peccadillos.
    It is a really good thing, the self examination. Good for you, Roz.......and I am grumpy also. :(

    1. Hi Lillie, you raise some good points, living this lifestyle does make us more introspective and examine ourselves more. I hadn't really thought about that so thank you.

  2. I really, really like your last sentence. I've been a little disturbed by some who think otherwise. IMHO, DD makes me even more responsible for myself than I was before!

    I get grumpy too. Lack of sleep will do that, among other things. Hate to say it, but for me, a spanking is the fastest cure for a case of the grumps! It really "snaps me out of it" in a hurry.Hope you're feeling better soon, Roz :)

    1. Hi CG, I hadn't really thought about the fact that DD makes us even more responsible, you are right, thank you for that.

      Hmm, if I were honest I guess I would have to admit that spanking is a good cure for me too - grrr - I did manage to get over my grumps without it this time though Lol

  3. I understand and agree with a lot of what you are saying. At times I feel so needy??? Not sure if that is the correct word or not. In my former life, before dd, I was independent...would not ask for help to save my life...and could just be hard to love ;) This way of life has caused both Ryan and I to really look at ourselves hard. Him being in charge makes him want to care for me, and for some reason has me craving his attention. Of course, this has made us closer....but at times just makes me feel like I lump too much responsibility on him.

    I think we have all been there Roz. If it is any consolation.....it is gray and rainy outside....and THAT is making me grumpy :( Here is to better days ahead :)

    1. Hi Lucy, I totally relate to what you are saying, I feel needy and that I lump too much on my husband at times too, I think we all have our moments feeling this way. But I don't think our husband's see it the same way. They want us to lean on them and not "go it alone" and to care for us.

      Honestly, I think they thrive on it.

  4. I agree! This lifestyle helps us by allowing us to turn to, rely on, lean on someone else, but it shouldn't mean that we stop relying on ourselves in the process.

    Hope you get some rest and can shed your grumpiness soon!

    1. Hi Tess, thank you, I did manage to get some rest and lose the grumpiness (thank goodness :)

  5. I've got to agree with Cowgirl. Dd makes us more responsible for ourselves but in a sense, it also makes us hyper aware of all those ways we should be caring that are so different from our old ways. Then steps in these guys who are all of a sudden feeling extra protective and responsible "for" us and it gets a little overwhelming.

    You know what gets me spanked more than anything else Roz? Not eating breakfast! I should have this one down but I fail weekly. All I can do when I get down on myself is remember that we are tackling these bad habits together. New sleep habits will come.

    I hope you took a nice nap and wake up rested and much less grumpy tomorrow. Grumpy is no fun. :(

    1. Hi Susie, thank you, I did get a good sleep after writing this post (my husband made sure of it - sigh!). But ... it's kinda late again now and I'm blogging - oops! - Yeah, I know, NOODLEHEAD Lol. It is Friday night here though, and he's not here :) I will learn, eventually!

      Wise words as always Susie, DD does make us more responsible and aware, but our husbands also want to be responsible for us so we tackle these things together. I hadn't thought about it like that so thank you :)

      Ooh, I can relate to the breakfast thing, I'm the same. Rick isn't happy about it but thankfully I don't get punished.

  6. Hi, Roz. I've seen you commenting around blogland, and keep telling myself I'm going to come visit you... Good intentions sometimes aren't enough. Last night, right before we went to bed, yours was the last comment I read on another blog, so I resolved to drop by here this morning first thing.

    I woke up still purring after our reconnect last night - my D has been sick for days with some flu bug. He is still is sick, but he needed some attention and I needed his touch. Now, I can share in his misery, because through my purring, I realized I was fuzzy-headed with itchy-burny eyes - like his illness started off. Bleh.

    I simply lay there in bed, basking and ignoring the headache that was trying to make me grumpy, until he came to kiss me goodbye before leaving for work. I told him I thought I was catching that bug. " Sorry, I was afraid I'd give this to you. Take some vitamin C."

    "Yes, dear."

    Five minutes later, vitamin C and Airborn down, coffee in hand, and started reading your blog. Just finished all your posts and comments.

    Puppy avatar - yes, do that! ;-)

    Happy belated birthday to Rick!

    So many other things I agree with, sympathize over, understand. I'm not sure whether there is a one-size-fits-all answer to your question about personal responsibility. As an adult, yes, of course you can and should be able to hold yourself accountable. In the role of a submissive wife to an HoH, I think you have to take your entire relationship dynamic into account in order to answer that question. What do you need, what does he need, for your dd/ttwd relationship to work best for your marriage and for each of you as individuals. You seem to still be growing and developing in this structure, and your needs now may be different than in the very beginning, or in a year or two. This seems to evolve differently for everyone. It's YOUR journey, your adventure, your life. The best we can do is plot our course, choose our destinations along the way, determine how long we remain at each place before trekking on through another wild scenery or peaceful path to the next.

    I'm sorry you're feeling grumpy, but thank you for your blog posts that kept me distracted from my own megrims this morning. I am glad I got this chance to get to know you a little better.

    Because I don't have my own blog where you can read about me, I related that little piece of us and a touch of my philosophy as a way for me to share in return, for you to know a little snippet about us and peek into my lofty thoughts. ;-) Sorry that made my comment rather long.


  7. Hi Irishey, Welcome! Thank you for reading and for your comment. OMG, I can't believe you read through the whole blog - thank you!

    I have seen you around blogland too and always find your comments insightful and thought provoking so I am glad you found your way here. Is there a particular reason you don't have your own blog? - cos it would be great if you did.

    Thank you from Rick for the birthday wishes.

    You are right, we are growing in ttwd, we are almost at our first anniversary and it is evolving. We are at a different place now than where were started - a better place I think with a better structure (not sure that's quite the right word) and more consistency from both of us. I think the relationship evolves as we become more comfortable with, and grow more in our individual roles.

    Take care of yourself, I hope you are feeling better soon :)

    1. Thank you for the welcome, Roz, and well wishes. The vitamin C and Airborne seem to be holding off most of it.

      I'm not sure structure is the correct word, either. The concept appeals to me, and it's good to have some structure, especially if you can add on rooms, move walls, change the decor, but I'm also cautious about "too much of a good thing" - or painting myself into a corner of the room I'm renovating. Know what I mean?

      My own blog...maybe some day. I think I would like that. Thanks for the vote of confidence.


    2. Hi Irishey, You are most welcome and I hope you are feeling much better by now. Yes, we would all definitely like to see you start a blog - it would be awesome!

      I agree, it is good to have some structure, but within that structure I think we need to have some flexibility and the ability to change things around a bit.

  8. My wife and I separated Last year September, I will agree I wasn't true to myself and her. But i did all I could let her have a good life I did put all my energy into our little family as we have 2 beautiful kids.because I worked As a waiter she didn't really like that for a career, she thought i didn't want to do well in my life. last year as the harsh finance situation hit as we've been suffering with our finance for a while she decided to end our marriage. which i was very devastated!! to lose the love of my life, but a month after separation i went to France for 10days to clear my head. when i got back she wanted me back but she didn't want romantic side of it a month after xmas she told me again that she cant do it anymore as our finance was at lowest. then we made a decision to end it to sort our lives out...but my prayer everyday for her to realize that i am not a loser all i wanted is to do what i could to put food on the table and roof over their head. since the second separation i am qualified football coach and fitness instructor and doing more toward my career but I don't want to get into a relationship with another woman when my wife and I suffered all of this years when my career takes of shes not there to enjoy it with me..I really want her back in my life so i contacted this spell caster Meruja owo who now help me to bring her back, we now have a happy family together with my wife. If you want his help you reach him via email at merujaowo101@live.com you are well come!