My Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
It occurs to me that sometimes DD can be like this. You never know what you're gonna get.
No, I'm not talking about consistency, or lack of on my husband's part. The emotions involved in a DD relationship are extremely strong and run deep. DD brings greater openness and communication, love, intimacy and a wonderful closeness and connection. All of which are positive emotions. However, when discipline/punishment occurs, the emotions involved are often negative emotions such as disappointment, anger, hurt, remorse, frustration etc.
It seems to me that things can go from happy and positive to negative and back again within a very short time frame. My husband and I can be having a wonderful time together, enjoying each other one minute, then something happens. I break a rule, make what my husband considers a disrespectful comment whatever. I don't mean for this to happen of course, but sometimes it does and suddenly wham! we are in discipline mode. Now, of course this comes as no surprise and is totally within my power. I know how to ensure discipline doesn't happen.
Whether the discipline is brief (such as a quick 'telling off' or verbal reminder) or more involved, the emotions we are both feeling suddenly change from being positive and light hearted to negative until the situation is 'dealt with'. Once this happens, we resume where we were prior to being .. ahem .. rudely interrupted. The positive emotions kick in again and it leaves us feeling even more connected (unless I'm in a sulky mood by then that is. In which case my husband deals with that too!).
This cycle can also some days be repeated several times in a day.
The other night my husband was away from home and we were chatting online having a lovely conversation and I was feeling good. I had broken a rule or two and this came up during the chat and my husband told me I was in trouble.
I really did not want to hear that at the time and I also didn't think it quite fair that I should be in trouble, so I gave him a tiny bit of attitude. Oh alright - ALLOT of attitude (jeez)! Next minute he's sending me to the corner to think about my attitude! Some 20 minutes or so later I was back at the computer and the conversation went something like this:
Him: Ten minutes is ten minutes. Were you not late with your text thereby breaking your text rule?
Me: Yes, I was
Him: And did you pay the credit card bill late thereby incurring us interest?
Me: Yes, I did
Him: And as your husband is it not reasonable for me to hold you accountable?
Him: Then why did you give me the attitude???
After that the conversation then reverted back to the positive, loving conversation we started off.
I have the greatest amount of respect for my husband and truly appreciate that he is willing and able to do whatever it takes in order to ensure harmony within our relationship and household, and to protect me (sometimes from myself) and help me to be the best that I can be.
I would not like to go back to life prior to DD. Our relationship was amazing prior to DD but this lifestyle has yielding so many benefits for us and continues to bring us even closer.