Sunday, 23 December 2012

Merry Christmas!


I can't believe Christmas is now right upon us!  I'm now prepared and looking forward to spending the day with family.  I am also looking forward to some time off work with my husband, spending some time with family and some much need R&R.

The events in Newton last week to me is a reminder of how fragile life is and that we should count the many blessings we have.  My heart goes out to those families affected by this tragedy this Christmas.

I feel extremely blessed by my husband, family and friends.  This Christmas I am also blessed and extremely thankful to include all of you as friends.  When I started this blog almost a year ago now, I never imagined the wealth of support, encouragement and advice I would receive.  Not to mention the friendships developed.  My only regret is that I didn't start sooner.

Thank you all so much for your support, encouragement, advice and friendship.  Rick and I are both truly grateful.  I am amazed at the connections we have made.  These connections may not be face to face, but they are as important to us as our 'real life' friends.

I wish we could all get together and celebrate the season.  How wonderful that would be!  We ladies could chat over a glass of submission wine and the guys could chat about how badly behaved angelic their wives/partners are ...  On second thought, that last bit might not be such a good idea!

With the craziness of the last week or so I haven't been able to visit all of you.  Please accept my apologies.  To those of you who have recently contacted me for the first time, welcome!  It is always a thrill to meet new friends and I apologise that I haven't yet been able to pay you a visit.  I promise to do so in the new year!

Christmas is a time to focus on loved ones.  Enjoy opening presents, good food and all the other usual trimmings.  However, we must remember the true meaning of Christmas.  To celebrate the birth of Jesus.


Rick and I wish you all a very Merry Christmas.  We hope you have a safe and blessed Christmas with loved ones and a relaxing and enjoyable holiday.  We will be absent from blogland between Christmas and new year and looking forward to seeing you all safe and well in 2013.



Saturday, 22 December 2012

Christmas - Kiwi Style


My dear friend Wilma has been trying to encourage me in finding the Christmas spirit recently.  Lucy has also joined in by sending me some lovely Christmassy Snoopy pics.  The idea being to replace Scrappy with a happy Snoopy.

Wilma posted this the other day and I commented that I had indeed found the Christmas spirit now.  She didn't seem overly convinced so I thought what better way to convince her that her efforts had worked than by posting some Christmas pics?  Also, I realised I haven't posted anything Christmassy yet!  Shame on you Roz!  ....

... well, there was my last spank free Christmas post, but I guess that doesn't really count.  By the way, it seems most of you actually want a Christmas spanking!  Here was me trying to do something helpful and nice for my fellow submissive wives!  Sheesh - you guys are a tough crowd!

Anywaaay, I digress.  I wanted to find a picture, or clip of a Christmas Scrappy, but alas, that mission appeared um somewhat unsuccessful (oh shush Wilma!)

He really isn't that grumpy you know.  He just wants to be the good guy and fight injustice and the bad guys.

I hope this convinces you that Scrappy isn't always that bad :)


Now for a little Snoopy.  This is really for me :)  I love listening to Snoopy's Christmas every year.  I hope you enjoy


and more Snoopy.  This is the picture sent by Lucy.  Thank you Lucy :)


I want to share a bit of Kiwiana with you.  The tree below is the Pohutukawa tree, or New Zealand Christmas tree.  So named because it flowers at Christmas time


And because it's summer here, a nice scene of a New Zealand beach and a pair of uniquely kiwi jandals  (or thongs, depending on where you're from)















Pukeko in a Ponga Tree 



This is the New Zealand version of the 12 days of Christmas.  Here's what you need to know:

Pukeko: NZ native bird know as  swamp hen
Ponga: NZ tree fern
Kumera: Sweet potato
Piupiu: Skirt or kilt made from strips of flax
Haka: Traditional Maori war dance
Pipi: Small clam or shellfish
Puha: A type of sow thistle eaten as a vegetable in NZ
Pois: Maori word for ball - two balls of the end of rope that are twirled around to make patterns during a Maori dance
Huhu Grub: Small edible bug or beetle found in NZ


On the first day of Christmas

My true love gave to me
A pukeko in a ponga tree
On the second day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Two kumera
And a pukeko in a ponga tree
On the third day of Christmas
and so on, until
On the twelfth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Twelve piupius swinging
Eleven haka lessons
Ten juicy fish heads
Nine sacks of pipis
Eight plants of puha
Seven eels a swimming
Six pois a twirling
Five big fat pigs!
Four huhu grubs
Three flax kits
Two kumera
And a pukeko in a ponga tree!

and just to finish, a slightly more 'traditional' scene for you






Wednesday, 19 December 2012

Spank Free Christmas


Things have been going well for us since my last post.  Except, that is, for the last couple of days.  The last couple of days have seen the return of both Scrappy and the Grinch.  I think it's the stress of last minute Christmas prep, trying to arrange to see everyone we usually see pre Christmas and trying to wind everything up at work.  Such a stressful time of year - argh!

Today was a particularly bad day.  I have been 'off' all day.  Snappy and just plain *itchy with my husband - not good!  At one point he looked at me and said

you look like you need a spanking

then later

you need a spanking

and

today has not been good for you

I see a spanking in my very near future - sigh!

That brings me nicely to my next point.  I think we should declare a moratorium on any spanking (a hall pass if you like) on Christmas day. Heck, lets make it Christmas Day and Boxing Day.  You know, in recognition of our valiant efforts to do our part within our ttwd relationships.  Of course, we don't always succeed (see above lol) but we try.


Perhaps you, my dear bloggy friends would like to join me in a spank free Christmas post to spread the word so that hopefully our men will get the message.

Of course, if you would like a Christmas spanking, be my guest :)

Personally, I think any HoH who spanked his wife Christmas Day would be in the running for the meanest HoH in all of blogland award Lol.  It can't hurt to discourage them from such meanness though can it?

What, or should I say, who gave me this idea?  Ironically, it was actually my husband.  He mentioned the other day that given we are New Zealand and our time zone, I could be the first Dd wife to receive a spanking in 2013!  Can you believe him - the nerve!

Guess it could be a race between me and Kiwi (and any other Dd wives in NZ) for that honour! Lol

I think that would be one race I don't mind losing!

Sunday, 16 December 2012

Shifting Gear

One thing I've learnt on this journey of ours into ttwd is to not take it for granted.  Not to become too complacent or to think you know exactly where you are at and what to expect.

As has been said many times on different blogs, ttwd is a constantly evolving thing and there are times when things are humming along nicely, there are times of change and times of growth.

In my previous post I said that I had mentioned to Rick that it felt like, in regards to ttwd, we were an old married couple.  What I meant by that was that it felt as though the excitement, if you like, of when it was new had diminished to a degree and that we were in phase where it was becoming integrated into life as normal and that we were humming along nicely.  I'm not at all saying that is a bad thing.  I think that is what we are striving for at the end of the day.  I also asked the question as to whether this was common.  Thank you to those of you who commented.

Anyway, although I wasn't telling Rick I thought there was anything wrong, my comment unsettled him.  He was worried that there was something lacking in what he was doing, or that he wasn't showing me enough just how much he loved me and how committed to ttwd he is.  I have reassured him this is not the case.  However, since making that comment he has become more attentive, loving and there has been an increase in shows of dominance.

Something else I have also mentioned on here before is that Rick was not keen on spanking without any infraction.  Therefore we didn't have role affirmation spankings.  Well, that was the case until fairly recently when Rick announced we would try some form of role affirmation.  We did try it once and I wrote about it in this post.  While it was D/s focussed, the spanking itself was very light and the whole thing was more of a fun experience.

That was our one and only role affirmation ....  or so I thought!

On Friday night I received my first 'proper' role affirmation spanking.  Right after my work Christmas function no less.  Big meanie!

We were having some nice alone time after the Christmas function.  Rick is very jealous of our alone time and does not like interruptions.  Therefore, I have a rule during these times that I do not touch any electronic equipment such as television, sound system etc without checking with him first.  That means no touching any remotes. Period.  That's not to say we don't end up watching TV, or listening to music etc, but it is Rick's call how this time is spent.  He always asks me what I would like to do and my wishes are usually taken into account.

I told him I was just going to pop up to the bedroom quickly to tidy up a few things.  He said ok  and off I went.  But, I deviated and went into another room first and turned the computer on.  He heard it.

That doesn't sound like bed making!  came the call from the lounge

Uh-Oh

Oops, I only turned it on.  I wasn't actually going to do anything on it.

With that he came into the bedroom and told me I knew playing with electronic equipment, or any other distraction was a rule break during our alone times.  I told him I was sorry and that for some reason I hadn't linked the computer to the rule in my head.  Not rocket science I know and I don't know how I never made the association.

He sat on the bed, drew me to him and proceeded to explain to me that it is, and to remember that in future.  I promised I would.

Then came this ....

Lets do some role affirmation

Huh??? ... b-b-but we don't do that

I told you I was going to introduce it 

We then proceeded to talk - well he did.  He told me how important us and ttwd is to him.  How important our roles are and that he needed it just as much as I did to help him maintain his role.  He also said that with the stresses we had been under, the fact that we had both lost our respective roles lately not to mention my recent episodes of less than stellar attitude, it was needed.  I knew that it was not going to be a fun session like the first time.

With that, he proceeded to strip me to my underwear.  That is something he quite often does for more serious corrective spankings.  He does it because I feel more vulnerable and open to him in that state.  I hate it and he knows it, which I suppose is why he continues to do it.

He retrieved the leather paddle, sat down on the bed next to me and rubbed my back.  He said he would start off gently.  Gentle was definitely NOT the way it ended!  He asked me if I wanted him to stop.  (Well Duh!!)  

But, it's not up to me

No.  It's not up to you, but I want to know how you feel.  Whether you want me to stop.

I told him yes and very soon after he did stop but left me if position while he talked to me for a looong time.  Well, it seemed like it at the time anyway.  Why is it our HoH's seem to think we listen better in this position?  Why do they also think we are more capable of answering questions in this position come to think of it?

Finally, he pulled me onto his lap and we talked some more with me sniffing into his shirt all the while.  He told me how proud he was of me and my efforts to submit to him.  How proud he was of my blogging and the connections I have made with the community.  I asked him when he had decided to do role affirmation.  Had he intended to do it then or did he think about it because of the computer thing.  He said he had thought about it beforehand and had decided Friday was the night.  For some reason I don't understand, I have this need to know that he has thought about things before he acts.  Of course, there are times when he reacts instantaneously to a situation, but I have this need with something like this, or where there has had to be a delay before a corrective spanking that he has given it thought.

I told him he had really surprised me as I knew he couldn't easily reconcile to the idea of spanking with no infraction.  His response was maybe it showed growth in him.  He also said he took his job of leading us seriously and was determined to steer us toward growth.  Then came this little gem

I also read what you say on the blog and listen to what you tell me from other blogs and what role affirmation does for them and I take it all away and think about it.

Well, colour me stupid!  We all know you should NEVER let your HoH near other blogs, let alone TELL him what is on them!  Duh!  Clearly I should never have told him about Lillie's experiences with maintenance - how they started out to what they have become!!

After a bit more talking I asked him in a cutesy way whether he wanted to see his handiwork.  In a flash I was OTB again while he admired my scorched butt, rubbing it gently.  One thing led to another and he ended up finding another way to dominate me.

You are mine

Come for me baby.  That's it

See.  I can spank you, and I can make you come

Clearly role affirmation had worked for him and I guess he is still in HoH mode because I told him about the post Clint recently put up on Learning Domestic Discipline regarding multiple spankings in one day.  (I can't remember what lead me to tell him that now)

Well, if a Woman can have multiple orgasms, she can have multiple spankings what could I possibly say to that!

Today we were driving to a specific shop in an area we don't frequent that often.  Have I mentioned just how terrible I am with anything remotely associated with maths of geography?  I thought I knew where we were going but had the shop mixed up with another and said to Rick

Just as well you're driving

Yeah, who knows where we would end up with you driving

Double meaning anyone?  We had a good laugh at that.

Speaking of driving ...  to keep with my analogy of ttwd being like driving a stick shift, I liken it to changing great.  Once you master taking off without bunny hopping you cruise along for a little while in first gear, then you pick up too much speed for first gear and have to shift to a higher gear.  I guess that's what has happened here.  It seems Rick has shifted into a higher gear.  One that includes role affirmation.  Wish me Luck!


Saturday, 15 December 2012

Thoughts and Prayers for Newton, CT




This is such a terrible and inconceivable tragedy.  I have no words.

Our thoughts and prayers go out to the families of the victims.

Thursday, 13 December 2012

DD Blog Award and Random Ramblings

Warning:  This is a rather disjointed post with lots of different thoughts. Apparantly I have a lot to say - that's nothing new according to my husband :)  If you can stomach reading further, please do so.  If not, I won't be offended :)  


First off, I should say it is safe to come back here again, I promise!  My days of HoHy'ness and spanking silliness are over.  It was fun while it lasted but my husband said I had my fun and that I had better pour myself a glass of submission find my submissive self.

Today I was most humbled and honoured to discover my blog was the recipient of a Sharing DD Blog award voted on over at A Domestic Discipline Society.  My sincere thanks to those of you who voted for these awards.

In this post, I talked about how we had both been under a bit of stress (mainly my husband), how he  had been greatly disappointed to discover his idol, Bruce Springsteen wouldn't be visiting New Zealand on his current world tour and how the Grinch had gotten a hold of me, along with Scrappy.

Rick and I would both like to extend our heartfelt thank you to those of you who left us such wonderful comments on that post.  They were truly uplifting.  Also, thank you to Wilma and Lucy for the lovely emails you sent.

I'm happy to say I took Wilma's great advice and put Scrappy out to play with the other neighbourhood pooches (although he escapes back inside every now and then).  Lucy also kindly suggested I should replace him with this



I am not entirely out of the woods yet.  Scrappy is still lurking, but I am feeling much better within myself and much more submissive and heading back to where I want to be.

I have, however, managed to ditch the Grinch and have even found some Christmas spirit.  Yay!  Rick and I put some time aside last weekend and tackled a lot of the Christmas shopping together.  We are now almost done so some of the stress and angst I was feeling has gone.

You, my bloggy friends have played a big part in helping me find the Christmas spirit with your encouragement and Christmas posts (thanks Wilma *wink*.  Also thanks to June for her wonderful Christmas Tardar Sauce posts - weren't they hilarious?)

Oh, I should warn you.  I have my work Christmas function tomorrow.  Soo ... if I happen to comment on your blogs tomorrow night I might not be making much sense after a glass of submission or two ... or three ... or four ... or -  heck, who knows!

The other day Rick and I were talking and he said the words "old married couple" in jest.  I replied "that's how it feels".  He was astounded and somewhat upset by my reply.  I quickly explained that what I meant was that things just didn't feel ... I don't know ... quite as 'exciting' as they did before.  We talked about this and wondered whether it was a case of DD becoming more embedded into our relationship and more of the "norm" for us now.  Perhaps things have just "settled" now that we have been at this for a while.  Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying we are in a rut or that anything with the relationship is not working.  Far from it!  We also remain totally committed to this lifestyle.

I am curious as to whether any of you who have been living this lifestyle for a while can shed any light as to whether this may be the case - whether we may be going through a more "settled" phase.

Anyway ... As I said, Rick was a bit shaken by my comment and asked whether he was failing in any way.  Whether he was neglecting to show his love for me.  I assured him this was definitely not the case.  Since that conversation he has been super attentive to me and so loving, whispering lots of sweet nothings in my ear etc.  He just makes me melt - and I love it!  And I love him, so much.

My poor long suffering husband has had a few work related disaapointments recently on top of the disapointment of missing out on seeing the Boss.  We were talking about the latest disappointment over lunch today and I told him how sorry I was and that I felt maybe I was holding him back career wise.  (I had my reasons for saying that which I won't go into here).  His response was that I could never hold him back and that even if that was the case he had everything he wanted right here with me and that I meant more to him than any career advancement.  I totally melted.  Those words meant so much to me. He is truly the love of my life, my soul mate.  (Remind me I said that next time I complain about being spanked! Lol).

Back to Bruce for a minute.  A nilla friend sent me these pictures today taken from the Hurricane Sandy relief concert.  Our idea of music heaven.  I'm a huge Bon Jovi fan so Jon and the Boss together is priceless!









Sunday, 9 December 2012

Virtual Spanking Anyone?

There is definitely something in the air at the moment.  Many of us are struggling with stress and embracing our submissive selves.

Since this is such a wonderfully supportive community and we are all about helping each other when we are struggling I got to thinking.

... what can I do to help  some of my blog mates who are struggling right now?

Then it came to me.

... I know, I could give them a virtual spanking!

Of course, we have our HoH's to take care of us and our needs, and they do a damn good job of it!  Still, I thought why not lend a hand?  You know, a little extra incentive.  Besides, if Rogue can get to give real spankings (lucky girl!) I can give a virtual spanking - right?

So.  Those of you who are in need of a spanking, or maybe just want one :)  Please assume the position now (tapping wooden paddle on my palm)




Are you ready?



You sure?


Ok, lets get this over with.  You know you need it and it will be good for you.  It will help get you centered and focussed and you will feel much better afterwards.  Lecture - check. Hmm, not too bad for a first time!


Here we go


smack ...... smack ...... smack ...... smack ...... smack ...... smack ...... smack



Stop laughing at me!  You know, this isn't as easy as we girls think it is!



smack .. smack .. smack .. smack .. smack .. smack .. smack ..



Am I getting through to you yet?  Wow, this is quite buzzy.  I'm starting to enjoy this!



No?



SMACK ... SMACK ... SMACK ... SMACK ... SMACK ... smack ... smack ... smack ,,,



How about now?  Oh I am?  Good.  Just a few more



SMACK ,,, SMACK ... SMACK ... SMACK ... smack ... smack ... smack... SMACK



OK, we're done.  Now take your sorry butt away and behave!



Now.  Where's my husband.  I need to find my submissive self again after that dom rush!

Friday, 7 December 2012

What A Week! Getting My Scrappy On

WARNING.  This is a somewhat jumbled venting post and contains no spanking (well details of anyway :)  Proceed with caution at your own peril Lol

This week has been a bad one, both for us personally and our little country.

Yesterday a tornado ripped through part of one of our major cities killing 3 people, injuring a number of others and displacing a number of businesses and families.

While it didn't affect us and may not sound that bad, it was a fairly newsworthy event for little old New Zealand (and overseas from what I gather).  My heart goes out to those families who lost loved ones and to those dealing with the aftermath and clean up or who are affected in some way.


It has also been a bad week for us.  There just seems to have been a number of things that cropped up that have caused both of us, mainly my husband, a ton of stress.

Before I continue, there is something you need to know about my husband.  He has two great loves - astronomy and Bruce Springsteen.  Ok, two great loves that is besides me :)

The Boss is my husband's idol and thanks to my husband, I too have become a big fan.

Bruce is in the middle of a world tour at the moment and since the tour was announced we have been watching keenly for details of tour dates.  NZ is normally too small to attract big acts, but for various reasons, we held a small glimmer of hope that the tour would reach our shores.

This week, tour dates for our part of the world were announced.  The news we got wasn't good.  There are to be no New Zealand concerts, but several across Australia.

No problem right?  It is just across the ditch.  Book some tickets already!  Only problem is, for us that ditch may as well be the other side of the world.  It is not achievable for us.

We are both disappointed, but my husband is simply gutted, especially on top of the other stresses during the week.  My heart aches for him.  I feel awful and it's worse knowing there is absolutely nothing I can do to make it better.

I am going to unashamedly ask you, my bloggy friends, to help me try to cheer him up by leaving him some empathetic comments.


On top of the stresses this week and my husband's bitter disappointment, the HORRORMOANS have started to kick in for me.  What does that mean?  Yup - heeeello Scrappy!


Reading through the blogs there seems to be something in the air at the moment.  It seems a number of us are struggling with submission and respect at the moment.  Let me tell you.  I have not been immune this week!  Scrappy is well and truly with me, spurred on no doubt by the HORRORMOANS - Argh!

This unfortunately also seems to be a pattern for me this time of year.  The stress of the season turns me into this.





Today has been particularly bad.  This post of Susie's comes to mind.  Not only have I been grumpy and disrespectful to my husband on an alarmingly regular basis this week, but I had to deal with some buck passing etc at work today.  Result?  I was  b****y with almost everyone at work today, whether they deserved it or not.  Ok, none of them deserved it.  My husband, of course, is less than impressed by my behaviour.

At lunch time I dragged my poor suffering still disappointed husband round some shops trying to get more of the Christmas shopping done.  I showed him something which he said was a tad expensive.  I then pouted and started muttering words such as "I give up", "I quit", "Iv'e had it", "what's the point, you're going to say no" etc.  Yes, I can hear you gasping now.  Oh shut up, I know!! - childish tantrum.

At one point my husband said "I need to take you home and spank you".  And later  "you need a spanking".



It hasn't happened - yet!

Maybe he's right - Sigh!!

Sunday, 2 December 2012

Mr BB's DD Questions Answered

In this post Mr BB posed some very interesting DD related questions.  I said I would answer them on my blog but haven't been able to get to it until now.  My apologies for the delay.

These were great questions and they really made me think about our own dynamic so it was a great exercise for me.  Thank you Mr BB!


When did you first hear about Domestic Discipline?
I can't remember exactly.  I think it was about two years ago.

What drew you to finding out more about Domestic Discipline?
We had played around with D/s dynamics before commencing DD.  However, it felt more like role playing and we wanted something that felt more natural and that was a lifestyle rather than an occasional game.

Also, I have naturally submissive tendencies in that I generally defer to others to make decisions.  Therefore, I was already deferring to my husband in this area and we wanted to take this further.

Is Domestic Discipline a lifestyle choice for you?
Absolutely.  Although we have some fun with it, we take it very seriously and it underpins how we relate to each other.  There is also no 'vacation' from DD.

Have you heard of Domestic Discipline outside of anything to do with a blog/forum?
No.  I hadn't heard of it until I found Taken In Hand, which was the first blog I came across on the subject.  My husband found it actually.

Do you feel that Domestic Discipline is only for married couples?
No.  In my view this is something any couple can introduce into their relationship whether married or not, living together or not.  However, it does of course pose some challenges for couples that don't live together.

Are single and dating people a part of the DD community too?
This lifestyle does require a deep bond and understanding between the couple and trust in each other in order to work properly.  As long as these factors are present I don't see why single or dating people shouldn't be a part of the DD community.

In your opinion or practice, is Domestic Discipline ONLY for disciplinary reasons?
While discipline is an important tool within our DD dynamic it is not the entire focus.  For us, it is about mutual respect and the way we communicate and interact with each other on a daily basis.  It improves our communication, helps me to react/respond to my husband more respectfully and not in the ways I used to before DD.

It also helps resolve any conflicts and has reduced my stress levels by leaning on my husband more and by him making the ultimate decisions.

When did you feel you understood what a HoH style Dominant and TiH style submissive really was?
It has taken a year or more to come to grips with this and I'm not sure I understand it fully still.  It's a constant learning curve.  We are also constantly developing and evolving in our roles.

What is TiH List, HoH Rules, SitDD, PoD, Tolerance LaDDer?
They are all tools available to a couple in a Domestic Discipline relationship.
TiH List - a list made by the TiH of things she feels she needs to work on, goals she wishes to achieve.
HoH Rules - rules established by the HoH for the TiH to follow.  These are developed from the TiH list.
SitDD - a discussion between the HoH and TiH about their DD relationship, how the TiH is tracking towards her goals etc
PoD - progression of discipline - the progression of discipline from the first, second, and subsequent occurances of a misdemeanour made by the TiH.
Tolerance laDDer - measurement of the pain tolerance of the TiH to spanking.

What are the differences or similarities between Christian Domestic Discipline & Domestic Discipline?
I'm not really sure as we practice Domestic Discipline.  However, the impression I get is that there is little difference between the two, except that couples who practice CDD are guided by religion in their DD journey.

(in your own words) What is Domestic Discipline?
Domestic Discipline is a consensual lifestyle adopted by a couple where one partner becomes the Head of the Household or HoH and the other partner submits to the authority of the HoH.  The HoH has ultimate authority and is the final decision maker.  Both parties agree to a set of household rules and the HoH may establish rules for the submissive to follow.  It is also agreed the HoH will correct the submissive for any breaking of the rules, unacceptable/undesirable behaviour by use of discipline, including spanking.

The aim of Domestic Discipline is to enhance the relationship.  Create more intimacy and closeness and above all, to create domestic harmony, both within the household and relationship.  It is also a means for each partner to develop and grow as individuals.

Domestic Discipline is practiced differently by each couple and each couple needs to find the balance that works for them.








Wednesday, 28 November 2012

Tit for Tat

We had a funny encounter today and I just wanted to share.  Especially after my last couple of more serious posts!

Today was a beautiful warm day so Rick and I decided to lunch in a local park.  We found a bench and Rick went to sit down and uttered the following ...

Wow! That seat is hot!  I'm not used to having a hot bottom like you are  Grrr - the man really is a comedian!

 Oh - ha ha!

Once we sat down he pulled out the sandwiches I had made for us.  They weren't all the same and he handed me the ones that were meant for him.

Oh, here babe (swapping packages with him)

He looked at me suspiciously and said

Oh!  Are those the ones with the poison?

No, of course not!  -  They've got anti spanking serum in them

You really think that will work???  Damn!

That was our little lunchtime game of tit for tat.  I do love these kind of conversations :)

Have a great day everyone!



Tuesday, 27 November 2012

Role Affirmation and Correction

In my last post I spoke about how neither of us were really 'feeling' our roles lately. Somehow life had just been getting in the way.  General life stress and lack of intimate time together took the focus off our roles in ttwd and we weren't as close as we normally are.

I was hopeful that the past weekend would allow us some intimate time and bring us closer. Well, it was a bit mixed.  There was role affirmation (Rick style), sex and discipline.

Rick was definitely 'on' and determined that we would focus on ttwd and regain the closeness and intimacy.  He was away from home during the day Saturday and in the middle of doing housework I received the following text.

When I get home, I want to find you in a skirt and no panties.

Later on, the following text arrived.

Also, I want to find you in a loose top, no bra and your hair down

Woa nelly!  What's this?  My heart started racing wondering just what he had planned.  I continued my day and prepared myself as he had instructed and he finally arrived home.

I felt submissive from the moment he walked in the door.  I think it must have been the lack of underwear, and the knowledge that he knew it!  We kissed and cuddled and he finally sat down on the couch.  I immediately knelt between his legs on the floor and we talked with him running his fingers through my hair and up and down my back.

He told me he loved me and that we would focus on our roles during the night.  That we had been through some stresses etc that had taken us away from our roles and needed to refocus. Also, that we were most happy when we were both doing our part.

He then asked me if I had done as he asked.  I stood up and lifted my skirt, his hand immediately went to caress my bntt.  I then proceeded to show him that I was indeed bra less.  Again, his hand immediately went to caress my breasts.

A little while later he took me by the hand and led me to the bedroom.  He talked for a while about what my submission means to him, how difficult it has been maintaining ttwd lately and reiterated how good it is for us and how I am at my happiest when I am submissive to him.  He then proceeded to guide me over the bed.

He continued to talk to me for a while about what he expects of me, how I thrive on his dominance etc, then landed a few gentle smacks.  He continued this for a while interspersing the smacks with rubbing my behind and back.  There was the odd harder smack but on the whole the spanking was very light.

Then, he did something totally unexpected.  His hand moved from my bottom and he started rubbing my nib.  He kept this up relentlessly, rubbing, stroking and circling.  His other hand alternated between rubbing my bottom, up and down my back and stroking my hair.  I was wildly turned on.  Just as I was on my way to finding sweet release he stopped and told me to kneel and take him in my mouth.  He stopped me abruptly after a while and told me to bend back over the bed and proceeded to tease me again talking to me all the while.  Telling me I was his girl etc.  Once I climaxed he told me to kneel again and finish the job I had started earlier.

Sunday didn't go so well for me.  I was spanked, and not the good kind of spanking, before I even got out of bed.  I had broken one of our rules and confessed this to my husband while we were snuggling in bed.  He asked me some questions to establish what had happened and why.  After several questions he deemed the act deliberate defiance, pulled me across his lap and gave me a hard spanking with the leather paddle.  He told me how disappointed he was.  It turned out that it had crossed his mind that I may had broken this particular rule, but he ultimately trusted me, trusted that I had done the right thing and felt bad for even thinking I may had disobeyed him.

He asked me if it was his fault, should he have checked on me rather than trusting that I had complied.  A word of caution here.  When your husband decides the spanking is over and lets you up, it is never a good idea to say things like "I wish I hadn't told you" or "I shouldn't have told you".  it's a very quick trip straight back across his knee!

I was not only spanked.  I spent a great part of my Sunday night writing lines.  The worst part of having to undertake this particular punishment is having to present them to my husband once done.  It always results in a further lecture which always includes the words "why did you have to write these lines?"  

As well as the spanking and lines I was also grounded from blogland for 24 hours.  I am still trying to catch up with many of you between the ban and not getting much blogging time on Saturday.

So, are both back to where we should be after the weekend?  We are well on the way.  My husband has certainly regained his HoH mojo and we are close again.  As for me, I am definitely feeling more submissive, but still don't feel I am where I should be.  

Friday, 23 November 2012

When Life Gets In The Way

What do you do when life gets in the way of your Dd/ttwd relationship?  How do you ensure you retain your relationship dynamic?

Over the last couple of weeks things have been going on here that have somewhat detracted from our dynamic.  Nothing serious, but there have been several small things that have happened one after the other causing stress and frustration.  Changes at work causing more than usual work stress and general interruptions to alone and intimate time together.

With these things going on life has kind of taken over.  I have not been feeling nearly as submissive toward my husband as I should and as I want to be.  Nor have I been acting it!  He has also not been feeling as dominant.  Worse than that, we have not been feeling as close and intimate as we usually are.

I know a number of you are going through difficult times at the moment.  Some have said despite this (or maybe perhaps even because of this) your dynamic is stronger than ever.

I am sure things will settle back to our kind of normal as the life pressures ease.  Then again, Christmas is just around the corner and I also wonder what impact the stress of that will have this year.

It does feel as though we are slowly returning to the level of closeness we usually share. Very slowly.  We also have some intimate alone time planned this weekend which I am hoping will help.  My husband has also recently told me he intends to introduce role affirmation spankings into our dynamic. (Currently we only practice corrective and erotic spanking).  I suppose I have to admit at gun point that that this may be a good idea - grrr!

I am sure this must be something most couples face from time to time.  I am curios as to how you deal with these situations in order to retain your dynamic and respective roles.  If you are going to suggest that role affirmation spankings are the answer however, please refrain from commenting.  Just Kidding! :)


Thursday, 22 November 2012

Happy Thanksgiving!




Rick and I would like to take the opportunity to wish our American friends Happy Thanksgiving.  We wish you all a safe and enjoyable holiday weekend with family and friends.










Although we do not celebrate Thanksgiving, it is a good reminder to us also to give thanks for the blessing bestowed upon us.

It is also a good opportunity for us to give thanks to all of our blogland friends.  You provide us with such amazing friendship, support, encouragement and wonderful advice.  We appreciate you all.

Thank you!

Monday, 19 November 2012

The Liebster Award




I am most humbled and honoured to receive multiple nominations for the Liebster Award.  No, really.  Truly honoured.  I have received at least 6 nominations (that I know of!)

Phew, that's a lot of questions to answer!  Unfortunately though, by HoH decree I won't be answering everyone's questions.  My husband has been watching my internet and blogging time recently and is starting to get concerned at the amount of time I spend on the computer.  As some of you may know, this has been an issue previously.

So, I am going to behave and obey my husband (like a good submissive wife) and only answer one set of questions.  As Cat was the first to nominate me I'll answer her questions.  I sincerely apologise to my other nominators.  I do appreciate your nominations and thank you for thinking of me.

The rules:
  1. When one receives the award, one posts 11 random facts about oneself and answers the 11 questions asked by the person who nominated you.
  2. Pass the award onto 11 other blogs (while making sure one notifies the blogger that one nominated them!)
  3. One writes up 11 NEW questions directed towards YOUR nominees.
  4. One is not allowed to nominate the blog who nominated one's own blog!
  5. One pastes the award picture into one's blog. (You can google the image, there are plenty of them!)

Here are Cat's questions and my answers:


  1. What animal would you be and why? Well, my nickname is Scrappy Doo 
  2. What food do you absolutely refuse to eat? Any kind of seafood 
  3. Leather or wood? Definitely leather! 
  4. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be? Hmm, have to think more on that one 
  5. What is your favorite kind of music? I'm a rock chick 
  6. Could you turn your phone off for 24 hours without a panic attack? If I did my husband would have a panic attack! (we have rules around these things) 
  7. What is your favorite time of day? Evening - sunset - romantic Ahh (sorry, I digress) 
  8. How many pets do you have? 2 pain in the *ss darling cats 
  9. Scariest sound? The sound of my husband removing his belt (depending on the reason *wink*) 
  10. Why did you decide to start blogging? I'm beginning to wonder! Just kidding. So I could meet you lot and enjoy your company (of course - Sheesh!) 
  11. Why do you think you were nominated for this award? No idea - Cat? 

Eleven things you didn't want need to know about me:
  1. In a previous life my partner and I had sled dogs which we used to race
  2. I was born in the UK
  3. Patience is not my virtue
  4. I am guaranteed to be the shortest person in blogland
  5. I am a complete heat seeker.  My husband calls me the heat seeking missile
  6. I have OCD tendencies
  7. I am mathematically challenged
  8. I am geographically challenged
  9. I'm a complete night owl and insomniac 
  10. I am a Bon Jovi fan and got a smile and wave from Jon Bon Jovi at the last concert I attended (and nothing more - dammit)
  11. I have an irrational fear of spiders and other creepy crawlies

I tried to think of people to nominate who had not already received a nomination and struggled to come up with 11.

I nominate Doc, Dopey, Happy, Sleepy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Bashful, Snow White, Prince Charming.


My Questions for you:

I wonder what the answers to these will be?  Feel free to answer some of these in the comments :)
  1. Are you jealous of Prince Charming?
  2. Who is the fairest in blogland?
  3. Has Snow White ever been otk?
  4. Do you like apples?
  5. How big is Prince Charming's sword?
  6. What is Sneezy allergic to?
  7. Is Doc really a Doc?
  8. What drug is Happy on, and can I have some?
  9. How often does Snow White have a red booty? (wouldn't be very noticeable)
  10. Are you jealous of tall people?
  11. Does the Song Hi Ho, Hi Ho  ever get boring?


Sunday, 18 November 2012

Blurring The Lines and Role Affirmation

We all know Dd/ttwd can be messy, and that mistakes can be made.

I wasn't going to post this, but I decided that I have a blog for a reason.  To record our journey and also to help me process my own thoughts and feelings as we travel down this path we call ttwd.  Therefore, it should be the complete journey warts and all, not just the good bits.  Also, to leave out the messy bits would not be honest.

You may or may not know that we practice both erotic and punishment/correctional spanking.  Yes, we both have at least a degree of spanko in us.

There is never any doubt when a spanking occurs which category it fits into.  There is no blurring between the two, they are vastly different.  With correction, it is filled with emotion, a lot of discussion, lecturing and afterwards, wonderful aftercare and a lot of cuddling.  With erotic spanking, the emotion isn't there (well, the anger, frustration, hurt, remorse etc anyway), the tone is light, implements and position are different and instead of aftercare, it leads to some pretty damn good sex!

There is never any confusion between erotic spanking and spanking for correction. Usually.

Recently I was spanked for something that was technically breaking one of our rules. However, the situation had not been entirely within my control so I felt the spanking a little unfair.  I also thought, knowing my husband, that it was unusual for him to spank if the incident was not within my control.

I submitted to it anyway, but it didn't feel 'right' or 'normal'.  My husband's demeanour was not what it usually is during a correction.  The implement used was unusual and there was not much discussion or lecture.  In addition, although he held me in his arms afterwards and soothed me, this did not feel quite 'right' either.  The result of this was that I was left feeling confused and upset.  As a result of these feelings I pulled away from him emotionally.  Usually after a correction I feel totally submissive, cared for and loved.  I feel his dominance strongly.

Knowing I was upset and not my normal self, my husband confessed that he had used the incident as an excuse to spank me and that it wasn't really for correction.  That he would not normally have spanked me for something not totally within my control.  Of course, we both know he didn't need an excuse.  He could have brought us to 'play' mode and I would of willingly participated.

Anyway, he confessed which I appreciated greatly.  It made me feel a little bit better as it lifted my confusion, but I remained distant and not feeling submissive at all.  Both of us had landed on a snake (to steal Wilma's snake and ladders analogy) and down we slid together.  My submission and his dominance waned to some degree for a few days but we are thankfully feeling more connected again now.

As I said above, I decided to post this because I think this blog should record our whole journey, not just the good bits.  It is not an exercise of placing either myself or my husband on the stand (so to speak).

I am confident this situation will not occur again but I am also curious as to whether anyone else has experienced this blurring of the lines and how you dealt with it.


Update

Prior to publishing this post, we sat down together to read it.  The process of doing so brought about some discussion and further clarity to the situation.  My husband gained a better understanding of the feelings I had gone through that night.  He also told me that at the time, he was a little confused himself as to just what motivated him to conduct the spanking, other than it certainly was not a correction in his mind.  However, in retrospect he realised he had intended it to be, at least in part, role affirmation.

As we discussed this further, he told me that drafting this post had helped provide clarity for both of us, but that it had also helped him make a decision - that he would introduce role affirmation spanking into our dynamic.  Way to go Roz, good one!  Hmm, I guess this might be an example of how having a blog may not always be such a good thing.  It can sometimes literally bite you in the butt!  Hummph

What exactly is role affirmation anyway?  Is it maintenance by another name?  




Thursday, 15 November 2012

A Word With "The Boss Man" - The Reluctant HoH

I  have read a few posts recently from wives relatively new to ttwd frustrated at lack of consistency or action on the part of their husband.

This got me pondering as to why this happens.  What causes this stop/start, consistency/inconsistency, or apparent lack of enthusiasm on his part to embrace his role.

I had some thoughts of my own on the topic but thought I would go to a more knowledgeable source - my husband Rick.  Below is the conversation we had.  I even coloured it pink and blue so you know who's who (as if you wouldn't know otherwise - geez!) - cute Roz.

This is aimed more at couples starting out with Dd/ttwd.  However, this issue can occur at any stage of the journey.  But the further along the journey you are, the less likely it is to occur and the reasons for it occurring may be different to those discussed below.  Just as submission for us is difficult to cultivate and even harder to maintain all the time.  Just as it eludes us from time to time, our man's HoHy'ness can also elude him from time to time.

Ok, without further ado, below is the conversation we had.  This is from the top of my head as I didn't take notes at the time (it has been checked with the boss man for accuracy though!) - fine reporter you are Roz!


Hey hon, can I ask you a Dd question.  From your perspective, you know, as an HoH?


Yeah, of course.


I've read a few posts lately from some wives frustrated at their husband's lack of consistency or not stepping up as an HoH.  You know, the whole stop/start thing that seems to happen early on.  I was wondering what actually causes this. 


Hmm, It's about trust. You question her commitment to ttwd, is she really on board.  It's hard until you trust her commitment to the lifestyle fully and that takes time.  You do wonder whether this is really what she wants.  I know you are 100% on board.  It's also about trusting that she has trust in you as an HoH.


Wow really?  I haven't thought of that.  Trust goes both ways eh?  


Oh yeah.  For Sure.  Becoming and HoH is a huge responsibility and you are anxious to make sure you get it right.  You worry is this what she wants?  what if I'm too hard?  not hard enough?  You don't want to rush things and don't want to make any mistakes. 


Hmm, really


Yep, you also worry about coming on too strong and about whether you are abusing the authority she has entrusted in you.


I guess you must also be wondering Does she really want this?  How can she possibly want this? and maybe even worry about her reaction if you do step up and try and spank her - Ok, shut up now Roz, let the poor man speak!


Absolutely.  That's part of it too.  As I said before, you've got to trust her commitment to this lifestyle.


Wow, that's all really interesting.  So does that mean a HoH who is slow (so to speak) is a good thing?  That he's really thinking about things and that the wife should in fact be happy?  He's going to be a brilliant HoH?


(laughing) Not necessarily.  A man who is already dominant in nature may have no problem at all embracing his role.  That doesn't mean he's going to turn out to be a 'bad' HoH.


No, of course not.  I guess too, early on it's even harder if you can't deal with something immediately.  You know, time goes on and feelings change and it becomes water under the bridge, especially if there haven't been any issues since.  Maybe you don't see the big overall picture of what you are trying to achieve early on.


Well yeah, it is hard.  You want to have the 'nice stuff'.  Be loving, kind, enjoy each other.  You don't want to have to deal with that.


Yeah, I can see that.  I perceive in you that now days you do always think of the ultimate end goal.  What you are trying to achieve for us because boy, you've really stepped things up lately.  You don't have any problem with delayed consequences any more.


You're right, and I do.  It's also you you know.  I know you inside out, I get my strength from you.  Knowing you are totally on board and that this is what you want/need.  Your submission, vulnerability and femininity.  It drives me to be a better man - that was my favourite answer!  


You just grow into it as you learn what makes her tick.  What she needs and wants.


I've been thinking some more about this since Rick and I had this discussion and a few things occurred to me that I will bore enlighten you with now.  

Just as the husband may struggle to embrace his role, we are also struggling to find our feet within our  new role and to submit to our man.  

After the conversation with Rick, I realised that both husband and wife are going through very similar feelings and thought processes.  Just as he is wondering whether he can trust our commitment to a Dd/ttwd relationship, we are questioning whether we can trust him to lead us and take on the role of HoH.  As he is wondering whether this is what we want, we are wondering whether this is really what he wants etc.

A lot of what the HoH is thinking and feeling can equally be applied to us from our  perspective.  It is like a game of tennis.  We are both playing the same game, but from different sides of the net.  

I also see Dd/ttwd in the beginning like learning to drive a manual.  You release the clutch, press down on the accelerator and bunny hop along for a little while.  Then you find your stride, cruise along nicely for a bit then all of a sudden oops, there's a stop sign.  You stop at the stop sign, take off again and bunny hop along for a little while then find your stride again until you come across the next stop sign.

So, what can we do if our man is not 'stepping up' to his role, or doing so in a stop-start fashion?  I think we need to communicate our wishes and needs to him in a respectful manner.  Communication is of utmost importance within a ttwd relationship.

We also need to try and be patient.  Give him time to grow into his role, just as we need time to grow into ours.  Above all, try and fulfil our role to the best of our ability, even if we don't think he is fulfilling his. Why?  Because the more submissive we are and the more we defer to him, the more dominant he feels, and vice versa.



 



Sunday, 11 November 2012

Mind That Text

I have a tale for you today, full of juicy morsels and tidbits, but before I get onto that I would just like to  do a couple of shout outs.

LOL Day


This year was my first LOL day as a blogger. Before I started my blog I was a serial lurker.

I had so much fun dropping in on friends and saying hello and meeting new friends and received such lovely comments.  I tried to visit as many blogs as I could and apologise if I inadvertently missed you. 

A huge thank you to all of you who left me a comment.  It truly was heart warming and gratifying to know that people actually enjoy what I write.  I was most amazed to discover that some of what I write is helpful to some of you.

I write here mainly to process my own thoughts and feelings as I negotiate this incredibly tricky journey we call ttwd.  So to discover my ramblings are enjoyed by, and maybe even helpful to others is a real boost to me.  

LOL day reinforced for me just what an awesome, friendly, welcoming and supportive community we have.  It has also been pointed out to me that it doesn't just have to last for one day.  So true!

My sincere thank you to the wonderful Bonnie for organising this event.


Lillie's Back


In case you didn't already know Lillie has a new blog.  You can find the link here http://atianandlilliesplace.blogspot.co.nz/

Welcome back Lillie!  It's so great to see you back, we missed you!

If, by some chance, you don't know Lillie (where have you been?) I would urge you to pop over, pay Ian and Lillie a visit and say hello.  





Last week Rick and I discovered an issue with his cell phone.  For some reason he wasn't receiving any of my text messages.  We later discovered he wasn't receiving texts sent from anybody else either.  As some of you may know, we spend a fair bit of time apart so text rules are pretty big around here.  Therefore, as you can imagine Rick was highly unimpressed with this turn of events and keen to get to get the issued resolved quickly.  

Off to our telecommunications provider we went.  When we have had similar problems in the past it has taken several visits to the store plus several phone calls to the help desk to finally get the issued resolved.  With that in mind, keen to get the problem properly resolved the first time, I entered the store with Rick - and so did Scrappy!  Oh yeah, Scrappy was poised for action, just in case he was needed.  It turned out he wasn't needed, but I totally took over from Rick.  I did all the talking - Oops!  I got 'the look' a few times.

After some mucking around and a call to the help desk the kind man in the store informed us there was a corrupt text that had been causing a 'blockage' to any other text messages being delivered.  He assured us the help desk had removed the offending text and that the problem should now be resolved.

We left feeling somewhat relieved the problem had been fixed and I didn't really think much more about it.  We decided we better test it out.  I sent him a couple of text to test the theory and, you guessed it, he didn't receive them.

Rick then phoned the help desk himself and was informed there was a corrupt text blocking all the others from being delivered.  Can you guess who the corrupt text was from?  Yup, me!! Worse, they told him they had to transfer him to the 'complex team' to resolve the issue! 

OMG, at that point it suddenly dawned on me that these people would be able to read our text to each other.  Then I started to think OMG, what tasty morsels will they see?  Things like:

I want you to xyz

Yes sir

It is still a rule break and you will be spanked - (yikes!)

Am I really going to be spanked? 

Can I be excused from doing xyz 

No you cannot be excused.  I don't see any reason why you shouldn't be able to make it

Can I please have permission for xyz

Bed time now please.  (um, yes well, you've all read about THAT particular rule!)

Suddenly I had visions of all the help desk staff huddled together reading our text messages and having a good laugh.  I felt so embarrassed and thankful we were dealing with them over the phone and not face to face!

Logic tells me there is probably some 'rule' (did I just say that!) that prohibits them from doing so but c'mon, if it were you and some tasty morsels like those above caught you eye wouldn't you?  I'm pretty sure I would!

I have never heard of this problem occurring with texting before so beware.  Apparently it happens.  Perhaps we need to devise a code for text messages.